An Introduction To Bangkok (with added humor)

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I had arranged to go to England for 6 weeks to volunteer for greenway which is an organization that runs an Eco, alternative lifestyle, performance festival and workshop. Then I taught that you know Thailand sounds appealing as fuck so I emailed and cancelled. As usual where ever I go before I go I get on www.helpx.net and start emailing places that I find appealing.

Helpx is an organization which has listings of various farms, Eco lodges, hostels, zoos and many other types of tourist attractions where you can work for a few hours a day and in return you get free accommodation and meals and during your time off, you can explore around a the area i.e. go on a tour or go to the market, have a drink. The usual tourist things. It is a good way to learn new things and also to meet other fellow travelers because in Thailand many listings ask for as many as 10 or more people to volunteer. I am interested in natural building which I will explain later and I have two places organized where I will learn more about it.

Within days I had arranged 4 places, the first of which was a farm in Mae Rim which is just outside of Chiang Mai where I am now. The first helpx place you go to is usually a bit strange and not all places seem to go okay. It depends on what kind of places you go and who you meet. The place I am now is alright and I'm here for 6 days. I booked a return flight from Dublin to Bangkok. I got my flight at about 6am from Dublin to Paris then Kuala lumper to Bangkok. Charles de Gaulle airport is like stepping back into 1964 but a run down version of it not renovated for over 50 years.

Flight was a killer. It had been a while since I had flown such a long flight. I didn't realize until I was on the plane that I was flying with Malaysian airlines. Not that I was afraid of the plane crashing into the ocean that could happen to any plane. I was more annoyed that I was just another customer of an airline that could lose a plane in an ocean and carry on like it is business as usual.

People have to fly so they will fly no matter what. We'll still operate no matter if we lose another plane or two. How the fuck do you lose track of a plane in this day and age. YOU DONT. Let's call it what it is. A cover up for a security breach. The service was great however. The Stewardesses looked after us very we'll. They even gave me 3 cups of red wine which I sipped and helped me sleep for a bit. They fed us well and we're very friendly. They were all very attractive ladies. Always makes the flight a little bit more enjoying.

I watched some of the flight movies, snakes on a plane, flight 93 etc. They know how to pick them. None of those movies were there and no Adam Sandler movies either. I did watch crazy heart and a new movie called Labor Day with josh brolin and Kate Winslet which was great. Good to see a happy ending for a change. Movies have gotten quite morbid as of late. Best movie of the past 10 years however is A Prophet. No arguments about that.

After sleeping for a bit more I watched a few family guy episodes. A long flight is always the best place to watch family guy episodes. I laughed a lot at one episode where Peter griffin got a harmonica stuck up his arse and went on Americas got talent and played it only to eventually have it fall out with the sound of a thunderous fart. Yeah that was hilarious. I arrived eventually at Kuala lumper airport and waited for my flight to Bangkok.

I arrived in Bangkok at about 8 am in the morning and picked up my bag. I took the sky-train to some city center station and then got a motor bike taxi to my hotel which was on the sukhumvit soi 6 road. Nice Hotel with a swimming pool. €22 per night. I had booked for two nights. You would have no problem finding accommodation once you arrive but the last thing I wanted to do when I arrived was to walk around like a walker from The Walking Dead (best show on TV) so I booked in advance. I read that John Hamm could be playing Negan in the season after next. That would be a perfect casting. I hope that goes ahead.

Also good, to know that everything is already paid for. I checked in and went straight to bed. I was well fed when I arrived so I wasn't hungry. I had had two breakfasts and one dinner on the plane. I awoke at around 9pm and had one heck of a cold shower. I realized that I had no tooth paste so I walked down to one of the many local 7/11s throughout the country and bought some tooth paste.

7/11s are an American convenient store that sell mostly junk food and no fruit or vegetables at all which is actually the only good thing going for it because many many locals in nearly every city, town or, village in Thailand sell their produce at local markets or stalls. 7/11s are the unhealthiest convenient store in the world. It is very rare that you will see a Thai convenient store as they simply cannot compete at all with 7/11s. Monopoly and Capitalism at work. Sad cause I would really love to shop at a local convenient store but there is nearly none. Actually there are no 7/11s in Laos or Cambodia which is brilliant because they still call themselves communist countries. There are nearly as many 7/11s in Thailand as there are fat people in the US. Actually maybe not. The US does have a very large amount of obese people.

I walked back to my Hotel and experienced the usual hollers from taxi and tukk tukk drivers. Way U go my freng? Way U fron? I find it's easier to say nothing cause you are going to experience this throughout Thailand especially Cambodia which is more frequent. I arrived back and brushed my teeth or if I was a hill Billy called cleatus I'd have arrived back and brushed my one remaining tooth located on the middle front of my mouth which I'd have christened chopper. I listened to Can,s album tago Mago and read a bit. I went out then and had a walk around. I was on soi 6 road on sukhumvit road which, is one of the longest roads in Bangkok and one of its most popular. Quiet little street and only a few minute’s walk from the hustle and chaos.

I did not plan on staying in Bangkok for more than two days because I am not a city person but Bangkok is a sight to behold. A Real culture shock for any first timer to a city like this. I've been here twice already so I knew what to expect. Tukk Tukk drivers and taxis are frequent. Tukk Tukks are a motor bike taxi with an open air seat in the back and a roof. Very breezy and are the cheapest and most fun way to get around. You sometimes can get a motor bike taxi which looks dangerous but the drivers are very experienced.

People everywhere from tourists to locals which now that I think of it are the only two kinds of people that you ever meet anywhere. Cars, motor bikes and mopeds everywhere. It turns out that my hotel was 2 streets away from 1 of the 3 best known red light districts in Bangkok. The closest one to me was known as nana plaza and its street which were located on soi 4. I didn't expect to meet anybody in Bangkok anyway because I was only here for 2 days and the people who stay in these areas are not my kind of people anyway. I left my hotel and decided to have a walk down to soi 4 as you do. It was about 12 by this stage and things were busy.

Bars were packed with male drinkers looking for sex and prostitutes looking for money. There were several Thai massage parlors everywhere which could have been sex parlors or legit Thai massage parlors, I'm not sure. There were also street workers situated outside the Nana hotel and along the street. You generally get hassled whenever you walk past. These girls would sleep with just about anybody if the price is right which is quite a turn off and not too safe either. Upon walking along some more I came too notice that some of these girls were nearly 3foot taller than me. I began to realize that these were ladyboys. It makes sense when you realize that they cannot get work in the bars so they have to work the streets.

They were not all ladyboys but you would have to be pretty stupid not to be able to tell a Thai girl from a ladyboy. Firstly the ladyboys are a lot taller than other Thai girls who are naturally of a smaller size than men and perhaps a bit smaller than the average European girl. Secondly ladyboys feet are bigger and nearly twice the size of mine. Big feet big socks. Also the hands are larger. Keep your eyes on the ground and look at the feet. All you got to do.

Ladyboy rights or gay rights have come a long way in Thailand over the last decade or so due to activism and mainstream Thailand movies such as beautiful boxer. Due to the countries Buddhist philopohsy and liberalism it is no wonder that gay rights should flourish in a country like Thailand. Having a ladyboy in some Thai families is seen as good luck and is also a source of pride. That is about the best definition of liberalism I can think of. Not all ladyboys are prostitutes the same way that not all females are prostitutes and should get more respect outside of Thailand from ignorant and unknowledgeable people.

Surgery and operation standards are probably the best in the world and affordable. Also the Thais are apparently a natural candidate for becoming lady boys because of their distinct facial features and the fact that most Thai men have hairless bodies. I spent about half an hour walking up and down the street and then left. I walked down sukhumvit road which is quite long and mostly consisted of mini markets and Indian garment shops. I began to notice the poverty as I walked on. Beggars on street corners with one leg and others with deformed hands. I gave them whatever change I had and walked on which is all I could do. Sometimes you will notice as I noticed the first time I was here several years ago which made me a bit emotional was blind men who walk around with a microphone and music box and sing for change.


I noticed this in the movie slum dog millionaire where kids were rescued from the slums of Mumbai and tested for voice and singing talent. These kids were no more than 8 years old and were purposely blinded by their captors so they could make them a profit. I couldn't help but think that maybe these Thai men who were all around the age of 50 were maybe treated this way as kids and then thrown away when they reached a certain age and continued to do what they had always did because it was all they knew or any other horrible reason for doing it. Just horrible and very upsetting. You will also notice mothers who sit on the ground with their infants which are very common in many other countries around the world. Not many people know this but this is a scam and anybody who gives them money is dead wrong for doing so.

I will explain. Do you ever find it strange that every time you see this the babies are always asleep? What baby could sleep in such a loud and busy place such as Bangkok? We'll this is because these infants are given alcohol or are drugged in other ways in order to keep them quiet and sedated. Quite often these mothers are not their real mothers and are kidnapped kids. They are often forced into doing this by captors who get them hooked on drugs and work behind the scenes. So anytime you may fall for this give them water instead or call the police. Water and food would be much more valuable than money that they will rarely receive.

There are also plenty of food venders and stalls around and are always great for a snack. Restaurants are all closed at this hour and this and 7/11s are only what's open. Street food is perfectly edible and don't let anybody tell you different. Firstly because Thais work hard to make money and are willing to work till all hours till they get it. Street venders are not going to risk selling food that is bad for their customers and the spreading of word of mouth. Food is fresh and local and delicious.

It is quite hard to not eat healthy here. Food is grown local and nearly all Thai dishes consist of quite a varied mix of ingredients such as many types of fruit and vegetables. Some of the most popular are called Pad Thai, Thai cuisine, Thai Green Curry and Pad Yum. After walking up and down for about 2 hours which mostly consisted of the same thing which was looking at street stalls, mini markets and getting heckled by tukk tukk drivers and prostitutes I made for home. I did notice a few side streets that were mostly Muslim populated. There has been an increase in immigration to Thailand as of recent and also a bit of trouble that has come along with it particularly down south in the tourist spots.

I am not saying that all Muslims are bad quite the opposite. What I am saying is that religion is subject to interpretation. An example would be that some people think that Jesus meant this or Muhammad meant this and other people think that he meant something else. This is in my view the worst thing about religion among many others and believing this stuff is borderline restarted if you ask me. It is however a powerful form of social control that was politicized by the political elite many many many many years ago as the blueprint of expansion, capitalism and imperialism. You are not meant to take it seriously but amazingly so many people do. Religion came about at a time when people didn't really know a whole lot about the origins of why we are and how we got here.


Since then though the things we do know about the universe and our planet far outreach and make a lot more sense than what we have been told about religion. I honestly don't think that the Vatican including the pope really believe in god. These are grown men and educated men to have made it to the Vatican. How can they?? There must be some other reason for them being there. It can't be just about appearing ant beliefs. Also small gestures of good will and charity will not make up for centuries of abuse, neglect and looking the other way for the sake of profits.

The subject to interpretation is most evident in extremism and in Thailand there have been incidents of Buddhists and even monks being killed over here. It is natural to be a little bit intimidated as I was walking home that night because this type of action could happen anywhere at any time and you would not know or tell amongst a crowd. You would feel the same way if it was Christians who carried out attacks in this way but instead they just call from door to door handing out flyers and hosting late night call shows telling you that god values money and mindless consumerism. Buy this hair dryer with a picture of Jesus’s belly button and he will meet you personally when you get to the gates. Call now because they are only a small number left in stock and are not at all bought in bulk from a sweatshop in China.

For fuck sake even those paper wafers are made in China and can be bought in boxes of 1000 for €20 shipped in 3 days. You would have to be the worst priest in the world to forget to order your paper wafers on time for Sunday mass. Sorry folks I cannot give you the bread of life today because I only put the order in yesterday and they take 3 days to ship from China and with the weekend and all the won't be here till about Thursday. I'd walk out the fucking door. I used to think that the Vatican was a big production factory where priests worked all day alongside endless rows of convear belts making and boxing packets of white paper wafers. I guess the work has been outsourced to cheap labor in China instead.

I made it home and on the way I had a bit of food. Fried noodle with chicken and a mix of veg. I will gain about 10 pounds before I get home. The weather here is not too hot, just perfect with the occasional breeze and shower. I drank some tea, ate biscuits and watched The Sopranos on my I Pad. I woke up next morning and went to the Chatuchak Weekend which is the largest weekend market in the world and the largest in Thailand. It covers 35 acres and consists of over 15000 stalls. Nearly anything can be gotten there. You could probably get a whale’s pancreas here if you really wanted to. Lots of food stalls and this was where I had my first Thai chicken green curry many years ago. I've loved it ever since. Just perfect and not too spicy either.

Ice tea in Thailand is all the rage and it is available at this market, where many ice tea makers practice their art. I recommend the ice green tea which is awesome. Not like green tea at home. Milk is frothed and it is making with honey also. Perfection. Such products that can be purchased at Chatuchak market include clothes, Thai handicrafts, religious items, collectibles and live animals which show the cruller side of the market. The market has gotten the attention from the WWF and conservationists in a big way because it has become a hub for the trafficking of illegal and endangered species around the world. Thai law is rarely able to prevent it because it would just go underground elsewhere.

I spent a good 5 hours here looking at stalls which consisted of a lot of interesting stuff. I bought some clothes, beads and a pair of ray bands as you do and snacked on a lot of good Thai food which I some of the best in the world. I think what makes Thailand so appealing is how cheap you can live here, the friendliness of the people, the name Thailand which sounds very welcoming. It sounds as welcoming as Lapland but when you probably get there it is dull miserable and fucking freezing. Not Thailand though, the Thais are an excepchanle race of people. You've probably heard the term land of smiles but you don't see people walk around and see people just smiling their heads off.

No Thais are more laid back and just go with the flow. Work hard and get on with things. Life is harder here than the west. Politics here is a shady deal and very corrupt. What else is new there? Most Thais here have never left the country. To be able to go to Europe or other western places if you are working class which most Thais are is next to impossible. The only real possibility to go there is too marry a westerner which is quite an unfair option being that it is one of the only options. Thailand lags behind with the globalization achievements of other Asian countries like China, Japan and Korea which is a sad thing because the Thais have so much to offer the world.

I got back to my hotel and fell asleep to the new war on drugs album on spotify. I woke up at about 8pm, showered and went for a swim in the hotel pool. I then had a Thai massage at the hotels massage parlor. The traditional one not the sexed up one. There are two versions of Thai massage. One is a regular front and back body massage and then the sexed up version is where the lady undresses and bathes you. The movie coming to America shows an example of this. She then lays you on a mattress and oils you using her oiled body. I have heard it is quite erotic. I decided to go for the regular one which was for an hour. Very relaxing and was perfect for venturing back out to the streets.

I walked up soi 6 and was not sure where I was going. More planning was needed. I had heard about soi cowboy and decided to walk down there. Soi Cowboy is the most famous red light district in Bangkok and is world renowned. The place just Ozzes sleaze. The street is not that long and takes about 3 minutes to, walk down. Full of go go bars and scantily dressed young Thai girls from their late teens to their early 20s standing outside holding signs. All gorgeous and would entice just anybody. Walking down than street is like walking into a dream like fantasy. The entire street is extremely bright. Quite degrading and shameless at the same time but still looking like a dream to anybody with a penis. The street was randomly closed down in the mid-2000s by the Thai police and cornered off. Everybody including foreigners was ordered to take HIV tests.

I needed to get out of Bangkok. I left here after walking up and down for a bit and had a look at the stalls which were mostly the same stuff. I had arranged to go to a helpx place after leaving Bangkok which was located outside Chiang Mai. Chiang Mai is one of the nicest cities in Thailand and it a lot less chaotic and a lot more laid back than the craziness of Bangkok.

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