Oh, What a Ride!

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We were warned. Other travelers, travel agencies, locals around town, and even the handy Lonely Planet guidebook deemed that the 25 hour bus trip from Hanoi across country to Laos was one of the worst in Asia. However, with our budgets, we were faced with either a $12 bus ticket or a $175 plane ticket to get us back to Thailand. It didn't take long to make the decision and we were soon waiting on the corner of a busy downtown intersection waiting for our bus.

The approaching vehicle looked promising. It was certainly a large bus and fully lit up with the letters VIP shining right on the front. It didn't even look to full!! Liz and I grinned at one another and exclaimed that this wouldn't be so bad. What was all of the fuss about? I grabbed Liz's carry on bags and scurried on board to find us a seat while she stayed outside to load our larger backpacks. Once onboard, I was realized that I had spoke too soon about our good fortune. I think my bad luck from walking under too many ladders finally caught up to me.

First of all, the bus was large, yes. However, there were only six rows of seats on the bus. The rest of them had been removed and the back 3/4 of the remaining room was jammed full of huge, plastic green bags. Secondly, every available seat (from the meager selection) was taken by a Vietnamese person and they weren't in the friendly mood of making small talk when I asked where the heck I was suppose to sit. Third, there was no where to store large backpacks under the bus so we were lucky enough to haul them onboard and keep them with us - wherever we wound up.

After making a small attempt to argue with the bus driver and show him that we should actually have a real seat, I realized that he wasn't in the kind hearted mood either and looked helplessly at Liz out the window. We really didn't have any other choice but to snuggle up with the cargo in the back of the bus and settle down for the next 25 hrs of fun. Luckily, several other Westerners were in the same boat and we had to laugh at our situation. "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." That is exactly what we did. After some trial and error, we choose the most comfy green plastic bags and arranged them on the floor. Once we jumped up and down on them for quite some time (unknown to the driver, of course) they were actually somewhat comfortable to sit on and we considered ourselves lucky to be able to lay down (even if it was some unknown cargo).

Our seatmates for the journey were Max and Cloe from the UK, Stephan from France, and Amy and 'boyfriend' from Japan. Although Stephan and the Japanese couple didn't speak any English, once the snake wine was opened and passed around, everyone got pretty friendly. We toasted to our 'lounge chairs on the VIP bus' and settled back to enjoy the ride. No AC, but there was a nice breeze blowing in the windows. We also had the entertainment of the highly entertaining Asian karaoke to keep us in a light hearted mood.

No more than 1/2 hour had passed when we pulled up to a warehouse behind a dark alley. We were immediately told to unboard the bus and wait outside, but, sensing trouble, we refused and stayed right where we were. A semi pulled up and three men scampered out and began loading crates onto the top of the bus. After much investigation, we found out that they were loading hundreds of kilos of leaches (a small red fruit found all over Asia.) However, as we quickly found out, there was not enough room on the top of the bus for all of the crates. And where was the extra space that they intended to use? Yup, back in the cargo area with the white Westerners.

By this time, we had discovered that the bus driver's wife was actually in charge. She was standing around, giving orders and it was her who rushed to the back of the bus and demanded that we move to make room for the extra crates (twenty of them to be exact). Now the problem was that we had nowhere to move to and we were certainly not going to sit on wooden crates for the remainder of our 25 hour trip. This led to a 'little' arguement between Ms. Meanie in Leapord Print Pants, her posse of shirtless helpers and the seven of us. I won't give the details, but there was a lot of loud words, especially when they began throwing the heaving bags on top of us in an attempt to get us too move. Apparently, they expected us to stack the bags along the very back wall of the bus and lay on top of them. However, there were so many boxes and bags that, if we had done this task, we would have had about an inch of space above our heads, even if we were lying down flat. I couldn't imagine that this would be very comfortable, especially on a non-air conditioned bus. What chaos!! At one point, an elderly gentleman at the front of the bus stormed back and said, "My friends, we must join together and call the police!" (I just thought that was funny and needed to be added. He was just upset because some of his items in the back of the bus were fragile and he was afraid they would be crushed by the fruit. The police would have done nothing anyway.)

Finally, the tactics team managed to move us back about five feet, where we were almost sitting on top of one another. There wasn't anything we could do except get off the bus in the middle of nowhere at midnight - not a very good idea. Oh well - - make the best of a bad situation!!!

We settled back as best we could with various feet sticking out the windows and heads resting on stranger's shoulders. Some of us managed a couple of hours sleep before the bus pulled over due to engine troubles. After much discussion, they found the problem and set about fixing it. Of course, they use what anyone would use to fix an engine. One of the guys came running back, chattering happily and clutching the tool to his chest. It was a roll of duct tape. Oh boy!!!!

Morning didn't come soon enough and we were awakened at 5:30 by horrible karaoke blasting in our ears. Our driver informed us that we were about to arrive at the Vietnam/Laos border. Five hours later, we did.

Crossing the border was simple and it was nice to stretch our legs. We were suppose to pay a $1 fee at the Vietnamese immigration (to contribute to the officers breakfast I'm assuming). I only had about 70 cents in dong left over so, after giving them my very best smile, they allowed me to pass. The guy behind me, who had only 85 cents, was not so lucky.

We were herded back onto the bus, only to find that our cargo seats had been arranged, seemingly to hide several of the crates under the bags. This left us wondering what was actually inside all of the crates. HHMMMMM??? We never did find out, but they were a bit suspicious.

A short while later, we were stuck on a mountaintop with engine troubles. This time they pulled the entire engine out and set it in various parts onto the pavement. The whole process was actually entertaining. About half a dozen men sat in a circle, staring at the sick engine and talked amongst themselves. Every now and then, they would nod and then talk a little more. Occasionally, a hammer was passed around and they would take turns banging on various parts, hoping that extreme striking would solve the problem. I don't know why they just didn't use the duct tape again!

The mountaintop kept us entertained for about three hours while the men labored on the bus. We entertained ourselves by playing, "Guess that Showtune" and by having races with little airplanes made out of leaves. It is funny what one will do to ammuse themselves. Once in a while, one of us would wander back to the bus to give the group a progress report or would stand behind the men and nod along with them.

To make a long story short, the bus was finally fixed enough to be deemed drivable and we were once again in the cargo storage area. Our destination of Vientiene didn't come soon enough and the bus made no stops for food or bathroom breaks. It was a loooong ride. However, the company was great and scenary beautiful. It could have been much worse.

By the time we arrived in Vientiene, it was quite late and we quickly arranged a ride to a guesthouse along the river. It had taken us about thirty hours in total to reach Laos. I was only too happy to get off of the bus and had grown sick of the green plastic bags. They were not so comfortable after all! The seven of us stayed together and went out for Indian food as a group. Most of the cafes were closed by that point, but one took pity on our starving faces and stayed open past one in the morning. A perfect ending to a less than perfect bus ride.

A word of warning.....yes, the bus ride from Hanoi to Vientiene should be avoided if possible. If not or if you are on a budget like most of us, just remember to bring along plenty of patience and good cheer.

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