Substitute teaching and old man fairy drag queen.

Substitute Teaching

Sorry about the screwed up grammar in this one. It keeps removing my apostrophes for some reason.


Studies have shown that after four months of unemployment the average male is pretty much ready for the scrapheap. At the four month mark self esteem and energy levels are so low that in many cases the professional stagnation is irreversible. The last day I did a stroke of work (discount the two hours at Uncle Jasons) was on June 10th back in Korea. Now even though I've not technically been looking for work for four months I've been aware of the approaching milestone and wondering if I'm still up to the job. Also a big part of me has got so lazy that the idea of getting out of bed before I want to seems to be positively inhumane. So its with mixed feelings that I respond to the phone call I receive on Monday morning. It's from a school over in Dazhi near where Melissa works and they want me to do three days of substitute teaching for them as one of their teachers has the H1N1 virus. I'm still waiting to start my job teaching business English so a bit of cash and a way of passing the time is fantastic news and I congratulate myself on a brochure well placed. The downside is its an early start. Not early as in having to be in the office at 8:00 like I used to back in England but certainly early for an ESL teacher. There are two hours in the morning and then three more in the late afternoon at the sister school.


I show up bright and early the following morning. In the first class I have, the kids are tiny. They
e no older than 5 years old and its a doddle. They sit there smiling and follow what I say really attentively. Also you really don't have to try too hard to make kids this age like you. A funny face, or a crap joke and they're happy as Larry. Until this moment I'd always thought teaching the little kids was a tough gig and avoided it like the plague but now I know otherwise. Oh and every half hour they get a toilet break and a snack which really eats up the clock. The next class is even better. These guys are two years old and I'm told that I can just play games with them. They are great fun and after 45 minutes of animal noises and making stupid faces my extremely enjoyable morning comes to a close.


The afternoon shift is at the other school nearby. This bunch are about 11 years old and fairly bratty. I'm told by another ESL teacher that the school really is more about making the kids have fun than teaching English. After about ten minutes with them I can see that he's right. They really don't like the material I'm supposed to cover with them so I get it out the way as fast as I can so we can get on with more important things like playing Whiteboard Boggle.


The three days goes fast and its soon Friday. Friday is Moon Festival in Taiwan and the teachers have to put on a play. Even substitute teachers are forced to take part. I'm given the part of a fairy who transforms himself into a starving old man and then goes down to earth to see how kind the animals are. Im not one to brag but I can't help noticing I've got the biggest part. The other foreign teacher who has been there for years is only a rabbit and doesn't have half the lines I do. Not having been warned about this impending production I have no costume so the principal Jenny gives me a pair of her long brown shorts and a brown jacket. Probably quite trendy threads on the right person, I however feel and look like an old man fairy drag queen and hadn't envisaged making my Asian theatrical debut attired quite so bizarrely. Anyway the show must go on and all that and I put in a creditable performance that the kids manage to stay awake for.

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