Happy Vacation?

(Written Tuesday, August 4th, 2009)

These last few days have been the worst days out of my entire trip in Taiwan. It’s just my luck that they should have been the best too; after all, I am on a trip to Kenting (a very pretty beach town) with Theresa and all her friends, but I think Saturday night has had lasting effects until now. Because I stayed up so late Saturday night, I slept a lot Sunday and couldn’t sleep Sunday night. Then by the time Monday rolled around, I was exhausted, and when I’m tired my stress levels triple. On Monday Theresa, Kennon, and I went out to eat with two of Theresa’s friends, and then I went to observe at Shane English Schools. I must admit that the observation went well, (I am even proud to say that one of the teachers invited me to come back on Saturday) but after leaving the school, everything went wrong. I left Shane English Schools at 8:30; then I met Theresa and Kennon for Kennon’s English lesson with Payshun. I was ready to sleep at 8:30, but the lesson dragged on until 10:00 p.m.. Plus, Theresa gave me the death stare because I sat with my knees to my chest on the chair in the restaurant. The lesson is so informal that I didn’t realize what I was doing until I felt like a complete idiot because of her stare. It’s times like this where the strictness and harshness of Chinese culture blindside me that I want to go home. She couldn’t told me without being so mean!

Later when we got home, Theresa, Kennon, and I made Theresa’s parents mad. They were upset that we didn’t say hi when we came in the door; they even thought we were ignoring them on purpose! I was so mad because I didn’t do anything on purpose. If I missed that they said anything it was because I was about to fall over from exhaustion and I was preoccupied with the packing for Kenting that still had to be finished before I went to bed! What frustrated me even more was that five minutes later they complained to Theresa-not to the three of us. Kennon and I agreed that if we were home in the U.S., there would have been an immediate response whether it was “Are you okay?” or “What the hell is your problem?!” If those questions would have been asked, we could’ve solved the problem quickly and avoided the stress that continued for all of us until three in the morning!

My anger and annoyance grew even more the next morning! We finished packing around one in the morning, but I stayed up until three to help Theresa calm down and because she said “we can sleep in the car tomorrow on the way to Kenting.” When we got in the car, however, I was bombarded with "Wake up!" "Talk to Alex's sister!" and "Hey, Megan! Look!" as well as many looks of disgust when I tried to sleep. I could have killed her! First of all, I am a grump when I'm sleepy; let me sleep for a little bit and I will perk up. Secondly, car rides tend to make me sleepy no matter how hard I try to stay awake. Finally, sleeping helps me avoid car sickness, and most importantly she said I could sleep! Later she told me that it's really rude to not stay awake for the driver in the Taiwanese culture. Well, if she would have told me that the night before I would be a little more sympathetic and cooperative! Plus she was too busy speaking Chinese to realize that I did make quite a few efforts to speak to Alex's sister, but his sister is shy, and I never know when to speak up because Taiwanese people speak really loud and forcefully.

I was just really missing being able to follow through on my inherit feelings about what to do. I miss not having to think about what is appropriate. Sometimes it seems like everything I do here is wrong. It's so hard when you don't truly know and feel a culture in your heart. These last few days, I have just wanted to cry or give up.

I hope to write more about Shane English Schools, but now more than ever I need my rest so that the next few days can go better.

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