Those who can't do, Teach

Or so goes the old proverb. So what about those who can't do or can't teach? What do they do? That is my problem. Just kidding, I can 'do' and 'teach'. I am that good. I just have a few reservations about teaching. I have been asked to teach not one, but two Phonics classes. Here is what I think about this. You can't see me, but I am currently holding up my middle finger to my computer screen. Here's why: Strictly speaking from an ESL perspective, I think that Phonics is steaming pile of feces, again from an ESL perspective. Learning English I had never needed 'Hooked on Phonics'. Learning Spanish I not once came across Phonics. As I now attempt to add Korean to my short list of languages spoken, I will most assuredly not need Phonics. Will my students need it? That is still up for debate. I am currently sending an e-mail to a former professor of mine at UofM to see what her take is on Phonics. I am thinking it will be a similar reaction to what I am having, seeing as how she was the one that taught me how to teach ESL and never once mentioned Phonics, ever. I have watched the native teachers teach their Phonics classes, and I have come to two conclusions. One, the classes are being taught almost entirely in Korean, and the parts in English with poor pronunciation. Ok, that might be an argument as to why I should be the one teaching it. My second conclusion, however, is, how exactly does learning words that start with the same two letters help anyone? If anything, it is more confusing. For example, the students easily confused 'flow' and 'float', no matter how many times the native teacher showed them the pictures and put -ow and -oat on the board. But if they learn one, have a good grasp on it, and later learn the other, wouldn't it be easier to see the difference? Also having 'fly' and 'fry' in the same lesson being pronounced by a native Korean, um, pointless. It's not their fault Ryan, you might say. The letters 'l' and 'r' are the same in Korean. Doesn't mean I can't laugh.

Here is what is really bugging me. While the native teachers are following a set curriculum and textbook, I am not only being asked to teach Phonics, but also being required to prepare my own curriculum and lesson plans, as I am already doing for almost all of my other classes. Some teachers can take a lifetime formulating and perfecting a lesson plan for a term, I am being asked to do it in a couple of days. The upside, it does allow me some flexibility and creativity in what I teach (giving me entirely too much power in my opinion). The one class I do teach following the textbook is a God-awful bore, but at least I do not have to stay up until 3am the night before preparing. Did I mention I am teaching more courses than any other teacher at my school? I'm like the 7-Eleven of English language teaching. It is a bit nice, however, being the go-to guy when it comes to English, and well, almost anything now. Thursday I helped my college-prep writing student with her Geometry (she goes to an international school, so the book was in English, so under the auspices of her not knowing the words, she conned me into drawing perpendicular bisectors). I hate Geometry. I am, however, the only one here really qualified to teach a college prep essay writing course, which boosts my ego in just the right way. Yup, Phonics to college prep and everything in between. I can be found giving free lectures to the head of my school on the history of Britain or the origins of the English language, reciting lines of Middle English when appropriate (Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages). I am the final word when it comes to pronunciation at E. Bo-Young, which means I can now pronounce anything in a way I deem fit. Do not be surprised if you ever come to Sacheon and hear kids saying 'aboot' as opposed to 'about'. Not as a nod to the Canadians, but just because I think it sounds funnier.

Here is a case of too much research doing me harm. Every blog and ESL chatroom I visited, the foreign teacher had talked about having a native teacher to 'team teach' with. Um, where do I get one of those? I really thought that would be the case for me. The native teachers can barely speak to me. Again, everyone throughout my research talked about having other foreign teachers at their schools. Not me. I am currently working out a plan to meet with a teacher from England at another school that is 30 minutes away. Or perhaps, too little research led me to Samcheonpo (I hear there is a movie theatre in Jinju, wherever the hell that is). I wanted to get away from America for a while, and in that endeavor my friend I am an over-achiever. Strangely, can you guess the only American franchise I have come across so far in this town? No, not McDonalds (although, I did get to try the Korean knockoff, Lotteria). Starbucks, not even close. Give up? Baskin Robbins. Yeah, I know. I tend to avoid American chains when abroad anyway. That's where they expect you to go, and that's how they getcha. I don't even know what that means. Thank God I am seemingly an eternity away from the nearest Domino's Pizza. Tom Monaghan (and your brother by proxy), if you are reading this, your grasp doesn't extend to me here.

So I am taking the bad with the good, which ultimately there has been more a lot more good despite the majority of this post. My students are great, and I really believe some of them really care about learning English. I am now currently looking for guest lecturers. I won't pay you, and you have to find your own way out here, but I will gladly let you teach some classes for me.

Oh, yeah. I get to go to the hospital tomorrow for a physical so I can slog through immigration and get my green card (or the equivalent Korean color). Fun day planned!

And for those of you to whom I had promised to post pictures of my school and/or students, enjoy these pictures of rainy Samcheonpo Harbor instead.

I am also eagerly awaiting angry responses defending Phonics.

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