An Open Letter to Daegu Stadium

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To Whom It May Concern,

I, your average Kpop obsessed 외국인, recently attended the Asia Song Festival and I wanted to commend you AND condemn you on a wonderful yet horrible show. As soon as my friends and I entered your fantastic stadium, it was immediately recognized that we were celebrity status as the press flocked to us for an interview. We gave a shout out to Super Junior, who we were then questioned harshly about. I do believe we told you beforehand that there would be no questions about band members ages or blood types. Embarrassingly, we were then asked how much we spent to get to Daegu Stadium. If you want to know about our spending habits, you can check out MTV’s “The Fabulous Life of Geumsan English Teachers”, which airs next week. The camera man then zoomed his lens up and down and up and down our bodies. I suggest you tell your “journalists” to stop being so cheeky.

As we strolled into the field and went to find our seats in front of the stage, I must admit I was impressed by your facilities. Sparkling clean, spacious (love the idea of not having a roof) and modern, although when I went to buy some kimbap I found myself in an all white room that I think was full of immigrants. They were sitting on boxes and staring at the wall. You should look into that. Speaking of food, there wasn’t much. My friends Jessica and Mike tried to leave and buy much needed champagne and meat but you wouldn’t let them leave! Well, I never. Obviously, they look common but you can’t discriminate like that. Thankfully, your workers had the right mind to recognize me, Sharon, and Angie as important people and let us go on our way to Homeplus for some pizza and beer. The Color Circle, the shopping area outside of the stadium, is also lovely. Reminded me of an American shopping mall, although I would call it The Color Spiral if we want to get into it about shapes.

We came back victorious with the pizza and we all chowed down and cracked a beer. APRILKISS, that spankin’ brand new girl group, was dropping it like it was hot in some matchy sequined tops and I saw a few people starting to stand from their seats. I assumed it was because the beat was hitting a high and so was the sexiness on stage. I was horribly wrong. The crazy people you let into your stadium were rushing the stage WHILE HOLDING THEIR CHAIRS. Whole aisles of chairs were fleeing past me while I sat there unmoving because excuse me, but what the hell kind of behavior is that? Why were we given sections if everyone was going to go screaming at the stage like a deranged monkey? I yelled like an angry old man on his porch with a shotgun on his lap for a bit, but then Jess told me to hurry up so I gave in. You should know that it’s not very easy to move a purse, a blanket, a case of beer, a half eaten piece of pizza, and a chair at one time while Korean girls yell at you. These same girls who had stolen the aforementioned blanket earlier. Would it be out of line to say that background checks on attendees may be appropriate at the next music festival?

The pain was soothed with HITT, who had a really attractive rapper and kept us laughing with their line, “girl, where you at?” I don’t approve of the band member with the blonde bull cut and couture ruffled vest. We did not like him. Don’t bring him back. Chocolat, the girl band that apparently is “good at playing sports” were my favorite newcomers because of their sassy neon mini skirts and excellent English. Since it was decided to name this festival Asia Song Festival, I’m glad there were actually performers from Thailand, Hong Kong, Taiwan, China, and Japan. Peter Ho from Taiwan basically melted your stage in his blue pants, red double V neck shirt, and Matrix-esque trench coat and winter gloves. The gloves were made for the ski slopes not a pop star, but he made it work with his smooth like buttah voice and exposed chest. You’re probably aware that most of the audience was made up of middle school girls which is why I think it was poor judgement in having a stripper, I mean dancer, come out at gyrate on Peter Ho’s leg. Although Peter Ho pretended she wasn’t there, we couldn’t do anything but stare at her in shock. I think I know more about that woman now than her own gynecologist.

Now, I wanted to bring up the subject of payment. Jess, Sharon, Mike, and I kept your crowds pumped and significantly entertained with our drunken dancing and general tomfoolery. I’d say we deserve double whatever you paid Super Junior. Let’s get real, we were the real stars of the night. In the back of the chairs, in the wide open space of grass beside the running track, we whipped our hair and stomped our feet for the masses in the stands. Although, if you choose not to pay us, we’ll be okay because the high we got from dancing in the wind and lights in front of a screaming crowd is priceless. I understand now how it could become an addiction to be on stage and have people go wild with you. It was one of the coolest moments I’ve had in this country. I have NO IDEA how you got the people in the highest area of the stands to spell “BEAST” with their glowsticks, but bravo Daegu Stadium, bravo.

If I could ask a favor, and I think I can, I’d love if you could put out a “Missed Connections” on a 6 year old Korean boy in a blue hoodie (hood on and pulled tight) who was carrying a handful of glowsticks and a kickass attitutde about life. He had the fist pump, the robot, and the “jump in the air repeatedly” moves down and when he wasn’t dancing he was challenging us foreigners to fights of epic proportions. This kid had Jess kicking at his head and he wasn’t even fazed. Although he hardly knew any English, he somehow kept putting us into fighting teams. When he choose me to be his fighting partner (I can die happy now) against Sharon and Jess, he whispered directions in my ear for at least a minute. I didn’t understand a word but I know the language of fighting so I assumed I was supposed to attack Sharon. He busted out his trademark “come here” move with his hand palm up and then pointing his fingers toward himself in a taunting way and then we went running with a scream that showed that we wanted death. He was proud and soon recruited Sharon onto our team and as we tackled Jess to the ground and stabbed her to death with neon blue glow sticks, I remembered that we were at a concert and didn’t care. The blue hooded ninja left after his mom took a photo of him with us and we all looked around wondering what to do next. We didn’t have to wonder long as the skies opened up and rain (not the talented singer) poured heavily from the sky. So heavy that we started yelling and threw our free blankets over our head as we ran out of the probably now flooded stadium. This is when I wondered why you haven’t invested in a removable roof. We missed the big acts Super Junior and Girls Generation, but running across the highway looking like wet Muppets with our green fuzzy blankets on our head was an adventure in itself. So cheers for the blankets!

Overall, I was satisfied with my first K-pop experience and I definitely want to go to another concert again. If you mind my critiques, next year should be even better. (2ne1. Big Bang. Make it happen.)

Sincerely,
Hannah

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Comments

[Marty]

Dancing Warriar
You are my daughter, we do dance it up at concerts, but you win!!! Having the time of your life, showing kindness to the kids and tolerant to those that can irritate you, living the life in S Korea!!! The pouring rain sounded wonderful.....