The most extraordinary piece of wit and wisdom that America has yet contributed

---

Saw my first set of Korean balls. And my second set. And my third. I gotta change gyms. It’s like watching Train Spotting every afternoon. I’m not sure how nature gets idealized as being this pure innocent system we’re destroying. I saw two cats play with and then brutally slaughter a mouse the other day. Vicious. In Colombia you couldn’t get on a bus without there being at least one really hot girl on it. There would also be at least one stunningly unfit lady on said bus. Feast and famine. Korea’s more like the communist Russia of physical attractiveness. No one’s super hot, but no one’s super not either. Everyone’s kind of in the middle. Personal opinion, feel free and disagree. For a country so focused on education, Korea’s Neanderthal belief in the phenomenon of fan death* is inexplicable. They believe that if you have a fan on in the room with the window closed, it will kill you. The reason for this is not solid, I have heard several reasons, the most common being: because it sucks the air out of the room, the fan cuts all the oxygen molecules up into something that’s not breathable air, and the fan will drop your core temperature giving you hypothermia. This isn’t just a bunch of old housewives either, I am yet to find a person at my school who does not believe in this. My coteacher has a Ph.D and has visited over 40 countries. The news tallies the number of fan deaths each summer. Some doctors continue to tell their patients, even though every study done shows that the “fan deaths” are usually either other medical issues or suicides. It’s crazy. I find it hilarious listening to someone talk on the phone here. Instead of saying, yeah or some other noise to indicate you are listening to a story they do an ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh noise that sounds like someone who is participating in rather non-vigorous coitus. They say it the entire time the other person talks, it’s great. When everyone is on the phone in my office I feel like I work for a sex line company. I didn’t think it was possible but I actually eat more bananas here than in Colombia. Mostly b/c I have to eat all of them before they go bad and you can’t just grab how many you want, it’s a bushel or nothing. Sushi rolls here are called Kimbap (Kim meaning seaweed and bap meaning rice) and I eat it about 12 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Every time I think about it I sing that classic Hanson song Mmmmmm Bop in my head. Try singing that song 12 times a week in your head, your quality of life will skyrocket. If I could chose any restaurant to be in South Korea it’d be Quik Trip. And yes, Quik Trip constitutes a restaurant. I never really like the character Ryu on Street Fighter II, largely because of the extreme and consistent ass whoopings Al put on me using him as I ineffectively sat crouched being all electric. I like it less now as I have a friend whose name is Ryu, and it’s unpronounceable by Western tongues. It’s kind of a rolled r, not quite, throw in an l, rlue noise. I went to my first Korean wedding, it was really nice, 7 course meal with sorbet between courses. The US news always shows Asians walking around sporting those flu prevention masks, and it’s true, a lot of them do wear but #1, about half of them actually have the flu symptoms and they wear them to not spread the flu, and #2 they’re pretty warm and it’s bitterly, bitterly cold here. They have DVD rooms here that are basically a couch and a box of Kleenex, where people go hook up while a movie is on. So if a Korean asks if you want to watch a movie, replace “watch a movie” with “do it” when considering your response. It’s exactly like “Blockbuster night” with Loud Bobby in college. Being publicly drunk is something that’s very accepted here. This is most easily identifiable by the sleeping drunk men in alleys, on metros, on the sidewalk, etc. I’ve determined that this is b/c not too many people have cars, so there’s not too much drinking and driving and subsequent dying, killing innocents, etc. I’ve taken to winking at the elderly Koreans who mean mug me all the time for blunderingly failing to adhere to some strict code of conduct. They usually stop staring but occasionally get more angry looking. One day one of them is going to use some Way of the Foot Fist on me. My students make fun of how hairy my arms are pretty much every day. I saw a smoker outside the hospital doors smoking with his rolling metal rack sustaining his fluids bag. I had no idea they let you take those outside to smoke. I work a lot here. Let me rephrase that, I’m AT work a lot here. I pretty much miss daylight, and it’s not even the short days yet.

Music: Los Campesinos, and Slow Club mostly. I’ve been rocking a lot of old school Pixies as well.

Book:The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie. This book is great, a quick read and hilarious.

Movie: I’ve enjoyed a few, The Dewey Cox story was surprisingly funny, I liked The Nines, Moon and Inglorious Basterds as well. The video game movie with the guy from 300 was horrible.

Youtube: &feature=related is hilarious, if not something I would recommend to my church group.

TV show finale: I enjoyed the final episode of Chuck Season Two more than I’ve enjoyed a TV show in a long time. It absolutely made my day.

Crying tears of a rapper,
~T

“You’re still fairly cute when you’re a stuttering and lisping six-, seven-, and eight-year-old, but it’s all over when you turn nine and ten. After that, your stutter and lisp turn you into a retard. And if you’re fourteen years old, like me, and you’re still stuttering and lisping, then you become the biggest retard in the world. Everybody on the rez calls me retard about twice a day.” Arnold ~ The Absolutely True Diary of a Part-Time Indian by Sherman Alexie.

“You look really awkward.” My principal, upon seeing me dressed up for the wedding. I still got it, that irresistible awkwardness that keeps the ladies coming.

“The laws of nature require midgets to be docile, noncombative people and this little fellow was no exception.” ~ The Last Juror by John Grisham

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fan_death

---