week one

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Week one
Today was officially the last day of week one.
Probably one of the hardest, most challenging weeks of all my time overseas.
I experianced something that i have never ever experianced before.
Something that i usually shrug my shoulders at, pretend to understand and then repeat some form of a comforting cliche "naw dont worry.." etc.
Homesickness.

The Philipines, drew me in the moment i arrived, the bustling crowds, the hot sticky air that clings to you no matter how much you attempt to fan it away. I arrived at 2 am and yet there were full families lining up at the local Jollibee (takeaway) store for dinner.. or breakfast..
I was so anxious for the next day to arrive that i fell asleep as soon as i arrived to my destination.
Mango House is amazing. The home is run extremely well and the children are living proof. I spend my days here working not only in the childrens home but also the school about 50 metres away. All of the children who attend are on sponsorship placements. They live in an area called payatas which is built around a large rubbish tip that looks literally like a mountain from a distance. Some other children are from a nearby vilage that is made up of something similar to department of housing style streets. It is a slum relocation project, which was recently under water in the recent typhoon.
I spend my days helpng with study, teaching, setting homework assignments, marking work. correcting social work reports (gramatical errors etc), cleaning when they let me, and sharing as much love with the children as i possibly can. I have visited the payatas dump site and done some home visits for the children on sponsorships, delivering sponsor christmas cards and asking them if there is anything they need. Tomorrow i am visiting another dump site where a similar organisation is doing work with the children.

Then the homesickness hit. Like a freight train.
I can honestly say ive felt nothing like it before in my life. Its paralysis.
I am the kind of person who spends all of my time in australia dreaming about getting out to work in the real world, to put my passion to practise... then BAM all i wanted to do was leave as fast as i could to somewhere as close to my family as possible.
I spent majority of the next day trying to hide the lump in my throat from the children, after a very embarrasing conversation with craig where i balled my eyes out, he suggested i tell some of the older girls what i was going through.
The last thing i wanted the children to think was that i didnt want to be there, so i tried to explain it mildly to them. To my surprise and stupidity they were the most comforting hours of my horrifying day. The children who had obviously been separated from their parents for reasons out of their control knew exactly what i was feeling.
That night i shared so many tears and stories. I heard of their past, the gruesome details, the things they missed so much, the things they think about everynight and the things they try to forget.

on the first night they told me that they ignore the 11 bunk beds around them and sleep on the floor because its cooler then on the sticky mattress, i happily joined them on the floor not wanting to be the crazy foreigner. that night when we spoke they told me that they actually just like the company of sleeping closer together on the concrete ground then separated across the room.

I listened to the horror stories of being born in a cemetary and living in an unfilled grave for 6 years, of being forced into prostitution at the age of 11 or watching your father be shot and stabbed to death. I listened as one girl told me how she wishes she could leave here everyday day to help her dying grandmother back in her home town, returning to prostitution would help out with finances for her family. She told me she stays only for Kuya Craig, her sponsor and her sisters. So Don't tell me child sponsorship programs are useless, Im not sure i care how much money goes into advertising if it keeps one girl out of a brothel

These are similar stories for all street children, however ive never heard them in this raw state, from real crying eyes, from geniunely broken hearts. i never would have heard these stories if i wasnt my bubbling mess that night, and decided to share with them my pain. if i had been too embarrassed or worried about being a "professional volunteer" there is no way i could have formed the bonds with those girls that night
I truely believe that everything happens for a reason, i have this incredible pain in my stomach ever day urging me to make the call, change my ticket, come home to my loving family, im 19 years old for goodness sake, i have my whole life ahead of me...
now i know how these children must feel everyday. the difference is im leaving in 3 weeks. I know where my family is and i know they are waiting for me.
So i will stay, I will love them, i will understand them. I'll push through it, and live with the paralysing urge to come home everyday as a reminder.
As we laid down to got to sleep that night, on the woven matts on the concrete floor, one of the girls said something in Tagalog, i replied with my usual response .. "Huh??!" she laughed then said:
"your not like the other volunteers, your different. Your the first one who sleep on the floor with us"
The other girls nodded and the girl who was born and lived in an open grave smiled and hugged me.. "its ok, we will have christmas together"
and so we will.
I will make it through and so will they.

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Comments

[Natasha Crough]

You are amazing!
Tealyn you are an absolute one of a kind 19 year old. You are an extremeley genuine loving person. To share your love and life with these people for a start is so thoughtful of you but to be feeling extremely homesick and to have the courage to open up and continue on your journey that you set out to do is amazing. Continue with your great work and I hope that the bonds you've formed with these girls will last a life time. Hang in there xxxx

[anonymous]

i miss you heaps tealyn, have so much fun!! :)

[Scotty]

baby girl i am so proud of you.! :) :) :) x.

[Craig]

Tears
Dear Tea, You are such an inspiation! We declined you as a volunteer for reasons I have already stated to you but as you say "no accidents" and someone wanted you to be with us. Your Blog above explains perfectly that we made the right choice. By the way you are the second volunteer I know who has slept on the mats on the floor, I was the other one but that was 26 years ago so none of our current students would remember that! Blessings, Craig.

[Annette D'Adam]

Making a difference
Tealyn, I am amazed at your story. I admire your courage and determination. Sharing these moments with these girls is not being unprofessional what it is - "it is being human". This is what they see as a trusting attribute. Working in the social science fields puts expectations on humans that I believe cannot be fulfilled. I work with some of the hardest and most damaged young people in NSW. I am alwlays myself, never over promising and under delivering, and yes I get upset too. They are really no different just posed with different issues. Hang in there and my thoughts go to you, these memories will be cherished I am sure. Take care Annette

[Belinda]

Hey T! you are awesome!! keep on being yourself and have the time of your life. you will be begging to go back as soon as you hit home shores... just think of all those kids and uni assignments. Keep strong and God Bless!!!

[Jess]

Awesome!
Your doing awesome work Tea! keep smiling :-) Jess xox

[Hanz]

Thanks for touching some Filipino lives
Its embarrassing to know that outsiders/foreigners are the one helping out our poor brothers and sisters. I am not rich, i am an employee and is fully dependent on my work, but this not hamper me to help. The feeling is really different. It will make your eyes teary sometimes, because of happiness...but i never showed these these tears because this might be mistakenly thought as am a weak one. I am helping a solvent addicted kid, and he's out of it already. I am the happiest person on earth when he told me that he doesn't want to inhale solvent anymore. He even embraced me, then he sobs....i hug him tight, patting his back. He's 17 now, and I am still in the process of encouraging him to go back to school, and i am looking for people that can give him work while he study.

[Adelle]

Hi Tealyn - Imagine - each life you touch even briefly will feel that touch for the rest of that life and share it with other's. Love is a seed that grows in the heart, forever. Happy Gardening Angel - God Bless you and Merry Christmas!