and I think I'm a tough woman...


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Asia » Nepal » Kathmandu
December 21st 2007
Published: December 21st 2007
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I learned a lot of amazing things about Sita this morning. I don’t know how the conversation started, but she started talking to Sushila about her life back in the village as we were finishing my Nepali lesson. She told Sushila that she was married when she was 9 years old to her cousin (the maintenance guy/grounds keeper), who was 14 at the time. An arranged marriage, of course. Sita said she didn’t even realize she was married until she called for her mother to come to bed with her, but of course she wasn’t coming back.

Sita said it wasn’t for about 5 months after the marriage (after she had gotten her first period) that her aunt/mother-in-law made her sleep in the same bed as her husband. She had never been taught about sex, so she said she didn’t really know how they knew what to do, but they did. Later, Sita stopped getting her period and told her aunt/mother-in-law, who explained to her that now she was going to have a baby. She was 13 when she gave birth to her first child.

But this is where the story gets really good—at the end of Sita’s pregnancy there was a wedding in the village, so all of the family members left, leaving Sita there since she was close to giving birth and to care for the buffalo. She said she would feed the buffalo in between labor pains. Finally, she gave birth all alone, cut the umbilical cord with a sickle, and started her life as a mother…at age 13, all alone. She said she thinks God told her what to do, because before that she had no idea. For 20 days after the birth, no one was allowed to touch her or come close to her because a woman is considered “jutho” (polluted) during that time. So she had to do all of her cooking and washing by herself, in addition to caring for a new baby.

Sita is now maybe 25 (she’s not exactly sure), but looks like she’s got 10 years on me. She said her parents were bad people for making her marry so young. But now that she is in Kathmandu, living in the compound of an army colonel, is being employed by a foreigner 3 days a week, and is employed by the colonel’s family the other days, she is living a good life. I always feel guilty leaving dirty dishes for her to wash, but compared to the first part of her life, this is probably a cake walk.

Sushila explained to her that I am doing research on women and their reproductive health and asked if we could interview her. She very shyly said, “Huncha” (yes). Who knew I have a woman with such an amazing history working for me.

I officially met “the colonel” yesterday, whose name is Taz Basnyat. He and Sangeeta have 2 sons who are in college in Beijing, one who was just married and will graduate in June with a degree in tourism, and the other is studying aeronautical engineering. The Colonel said he lived in Beijing for 3 years, although I couldn’t understand exactly what he was doing there.

He took me for a tour of the compound. He has a little area designated as his “gym”, which includes a patch of grass, a pull-up bar, and a few free weights. I’ve seen him doing pushups there most mornings. Next to the gym are some cages for his parrots. He said he used to have some other exotic birds, but thinks they cannot survive the cold Nepali weather. Then there is the chicken coop, where there lives probably a dozen chickens and roosters. I often wake up to the crowing of the roosters. Sita and her husband’s house, which is more like a tiny shack, is behind the main house. Their children get a room in the main house. In the basement live the cook, his wife, and their child. I haven’t been invited to see the inside of the house yet.

Below my flat is the garage for The Colonel’s SUV, which comes with a driver paid for by the government. Every morning the driver and some other guy wash the vehicle. The cook and groundskeeper are also paid for by the government, according to Sushila. Next to the garage is Sangeeta’s little boutique, where she sells garments and accessories for weddings and parties. I went to talk to her about the internet yesterday, and she was meeting with her sister, who is her business partner, and one of their suppliers. The supplier was selling them hand beaded purses, necklaces, mobile cases, and earrings that were beautiful. Sangeeta showed me some of her inventory while we munched on homemade veggie pizza made by their cook.

The other day they had puja in the courtyard all day. There were 2 Brahmins (priests) here, and they set up a fire and all of the necessary items for pleasing the gods around it. All day they sat around the fire while the Brahmins chanted, making offerings of flowers, oil, fruits, rice, and tika. I asked the Colonel what the puja was for, and he said that when his sons were born, his wife went to an astrologer to find out what are the most auspicious days. It is on those days every year that they do puja. It sounded like he didn’t even really know why they were praying, but said, “She likes to do puja. Hinduism is very difficult to understand.” Apparently even Hindus find it difficult to understand, because whenever I ask a question about the symbolism in a puja or at a temple, no one seems to be able to explain it very well.

Sita just made me a ton of dhal bhat and veggies, washed all of the dishes, rinsed my laundry, and is now sweeping out the flat. I don’t talk to her very much, because she speaks no English and her Nepali is very difficult to understand. But she smiles at me sweetly and says, “Good night” every evening when she leaves. I had a lot of respect for her before, but after hearing her life history, I respect her even more.


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