big hearts can do much work

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I have been busy! And good thing, because offices are closed for the next 8 days for the election, the Nepali new year, and some other Hindu holiday. So after today I have a feeling I’m going to be doing a lot of sitting around again.

Saturday was spent with a couple of new Canadian friends. One of them found my blog while reading up on Nepal, and we’ve been “e-pals” for the past 5 months. So I hung out with them and showed them around a bit. We visited a small orphanage near Lazimpat at which their Nepali friend’s sister volunteers. We spent a little while touring the place and playing with the kids, who were adorable. They also looked a lot healthier and happier than the children at Bal Mandir, the large orphanage I visited a couple years ago. The children were blowing up balloons and tossing them around like beach balls. One little boy kept letting the air out of his balloon in my face, so I started chasing him around. It then became a game of tag. And when he got away from me, he would waggle his hips in this little victory dance.

Yesterday I spent the morning at Raksha Nepal again, and Deepti and I conducted two more interviews. The first was with a 27 year old woman who has experience working in all sorts of sex work venues—cabin restaurant, dance bar, and doori (the “cultural” song restaurant). She came to Kathmandu about 7 years ago again to escape an alcoholic husband who beat her. But this woman filed for divorce and was granted it—very, very few people do so in Nepal. She has a son from the marriage but is not able to afford to send him to school.

She said that at the cabin restaurants, a woman’s job is to sit with a customer during his entire meal and do whatever he wants—which generally includes having sex afterwards. She was paid 2500 Rs plus tips per month, and if she performed sex work, the customer would pay 500 Rs to the manager, who would then pay her later (although generally not on time).

At the dance restaurant she also made 2500 Rs per month. She also performed sex work here, but the customer would pay her directly (1000-1500 Rs) and take her to a guest house. Although she said sometimes the men would run away without paying. At the doori where she works now she is paid only 2200 Rs per month, but she prefers this work because the customers are not allowed to touch the waitresses (which is her position). Sex work is done on a volunteer basis (unlike the cabin restaurants where it is required as part of the job), and she is paid 1000 Rs per night—assuming the customer pays.

This woman was shy about talking throughout the interview, but she still gave us all of the information. It wasn’t until the end when we asked if she had any questions for us that she said in Nepali, “Can you take me abroad?” and burst into tears. Finally, my emotions hit me. My eyes teared up, and I was at a loss for words.

The second interview was with a 19 year old girl who works in a dance restaurant in Thamel as a GRO. At this particular establishment she makes 5000 Rs per month because there are not many girls working there. She also makes a 50-100 Rs commission if she gets customers to buy wine or Red Bull because they are the most expensive items on the menu. She does not perform sex work as part of her job, but she said some of the other girls who work there do. She said she’s had sex with 2 men so far—one of them the brother of the restaurant owner who took advantage of her when she was very drunk. She later asked if she should be concerned about STIs and where she should go to get tested. Another interesting thing that came out of the interview was that she said she does not have to worry about paying off the police for her work because the restaurant owner already takes care of that. This was the first woman we interviewed so far that did not cry during her interview, but also the first who does not do sex work as part of her job.

I sat with Menuka, the president, for a while after the interviews over a cup of tea while women streamed in and out of her office asking for help or advice. One woman said she was coughing up blood and had a fever and asked if she should see a doctor. The woman who brought the tea showed me a ghastly scar on her arm. She had gotten in the middle of Maoist and military cross fire back in her village and received a huge gash in her forearm that resulted in her losing a good portion of the skin and muscle. Now she has very little feeling in her fingers and cannot carry more than a couple of pounds in it.

Menuka told me she is very impressed by my research and hopes we can continue to work together, since we are both researchers and both interested in the same cause. I told her that I was incredibly impressed by her, especially all that she has accomplished by the age of 25. I said I wished I had met her earlier during my stay in Nepal, as we have so much work to do and so little time.

“Big hearts can do much work in small time,” she assured me.

Walking back from the NGO towards Lazimpat, I passed a woman sitting on the sidewalk begging. She is always there. So today I asked her if she needed food and then gave her a granola bar. She immediately shoved it in her mouth. Walking away from her, my eyes teared up again, and I had to fight to hold back the tears. And again that feeling that no matter what I do it is never enough crept up on me.

I’m just thankful the feelings are back. I hope I never get to a point where I stop feeling for the women I work with. Because once you stop being angry and upset, you lose the motivation to make changes.

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Comments

[uysal]

very very thanks
for your beautifull writting. i know that the prostitution is everywhere in the world. perhaps in nepal, the prostitution is lesser than places in the world, for examble in usa. a nepali women is cheeper than usa women according to usa dollars for examble. i think that two situation's different is this.but acording to Rs, she is same cost as in usa. for examble a sex worker is ear 5 dinner per nigth in usa and in nepal. i'm from turkey, and i want to travel to nepal. i want to research how the people live in nepal and why the nepali is poor? what is the missing for they to be hapy? realy what is it? thanks again.