Published: June 15th 2009May 8th 2009
August 2008 - We had already booked our holiday so off we pop to the Maldives for two weeks of the most relaxing holiday you can ever imagine, I enjoy it far more than Fiona who is suffering terribly from morning sickness and obviously can’t drink or enjoy any of the water sports I’m partaking in. Worst of all we’d booked a posh Jacuzzi villa and Fiona is told not to use it because she’s pregnant, I think this hurts her more than the zero alcohol intake…. She does enjoy some special pregnancy massages and loves the pain I’m in after getting a deep tissue massage. Seriously, I hurt my back water skiing and though I’d go for a massage, now you may remember from Laos and Thailand that massages aren’t really my bag but I was in agony so I went for it…….
Dear god, I thought this women, who must have been about seven stone soaked through, was trying to kill me, she was trampling on my spine for funks sake, that’s not beneficial for anyone and then she looked disappointed when after an hour I refused her offer of an extended 30 minutes, I may or may not have received a happy ending at the end of this additional time but either way there was zero danger I was going for another half an hour. It bloody cost me £100 for this pleasure too.
Anyway I loved the Maldives, great food, cold drink, swim-up bars, everything on a tab, didn’t enjoy checking out too much and getting hit with the bill mind you but hey-ho it’s probably the last time for 30 years that we’ll enjoy a 5 star spa resort for a fortnight.