A beautiful email

Departure date looms in front of me. Next week will mark the start of another new beginning. It is as exciting as how travelling should be and as scary as how it will open up a stream of unpredictable circumstances.
Jarred, the Aussie dude that I was meant to hook up in Bangkok so that we can travel to Myanmar together couldn't make it due to family emergency and had to take the next flight out. Which is a shame really, considering it'd be nice to have a travel buddy whom you already half knew through correspondence over the internet.

Then again, I did entertain the thought that he might have chickened out from wanting to travel with me. But I'll give the guy benefit of the doubt...I just pray the family emergency he's having isn't anything too serious. Must be terrible to be called home while you're travelling-especially when it's going back to face a negative news of some kind.

On the other hand, I'm anticipating to help out at Growing Together in Burma. I found out that they do have an official website which is Growing Together . So if you guys happen to drop by Burma, do pop by and say hello or even lend a hand for a few days in between your travels.

During our recent emails to each other, Z brought up the issue of the Burmese Visa. He allowed me to consider the idea of doing the 10 week visa which cost an additional USD 30 more than the 28 day visa. I was really keen in staying longer than my initial plan but also, I had to be realistic about my financial status. I explained to him and asked him if there's any way I could stay and yet scrap by with whatever I've got. I also must think about how my savings must be able to support me when I come back, during the interim of looking for another employment.
What came back in my inbox was a thoughtful and the most beautiful email, that brought tears to my eyes while reading it.

Even though it's quite personal, I'd like to share it....and I hope Z wouldn't mind me sharing his insights with everyone:

Dear Ying,
I try in my life in general to act on what my heart tells me. I have to remind myself that i come from what is in the grand scheme a relatively privileged background (though in my home country my family is nothing remotely resembling wealthy, they are still well off by standards in most places), so i have in some ways a safety net to protect me if i make a false step. However, i think that anyone with friends and loved ones has this, regardless of finance and security, and that as a general practice the heart is the way to go. Here is part of why i think this, as it is occuring to me now (i have never thought about it before):

Human beings often operate under the assumption that they have a clue what is going on, and that they are in some way controlling their destiny. I believe that this is simply ridiculous. We do not understand time, space, or what will be or what will not be even one moment from now. I can spend hours and days and months agonizing about whether i should go here or should go there when i leave this internet cafe, but maybe if i go to the place i decide is best i will be run over by a bus and maybe if i end up going to the place i decided was worse i will end up meeting my future wife or new best friend. Or vice versa. We simply dont know. What often seems like it will be a curse actually blooms into a thousand blessings, what often seems like a blessing turns out to be a curse. And yet we are so concerned with control. With security. We accumulate all sorts of material crap and all sorts of titles and pieces of our identities that give us the illusion of security, but really there is none. We could die tomorrow, we could fall in love today, we could have the best day of our life for no reason we could have foreseen, everything could change in a moment. And really this is an incredible gift. We think that security is the thing to pursue, that stability will bring us happiness. But really, if everything were secure, if there were no surprises, if we conrolled everything, then life would be completely meaningless. If it has all already been written, then it is all already finished, and there is no point in even continuing with it. If everything has already been set down that there is nothing exciting, nothing fresh and new and beautiful and dangerous to make life rich and interesting.
When we act too heavily from the mind, we begin to think that we are running the show, that we are navigating the ship. We begin to think that we actually know what will be the best not only in this moment, but ten steps down the road. The mind is an egomaniac. The mind needs to believe that it can create order in the world or it will go crazy. But really it cant. It is ok for it to go on believing this to a certain extent, as long as other parts of us are awake and present and lovingly reminding us that the mind does not really know best at all times, or even the majority of the time. The heart has more acceptance towards the fact that really we must be humble, we must be amused and loving and joyful about the fact that life is all a big crazy amazing game and we just dont know what is around the next corner. The heart can accept this better, and therefore can be a great ally in making decisions. The heart doesnt concern itself so much with 'what will be right for me in a year, or when im 35, or when i retire'. Such questions are foolish because we are different people every day, and who knows who we will be or what will be right for us in a year, or when we are 35, or when we retire? Who knows what incredible experiences will shape us between now and then, will change our outlooks and appetites and needs? Who knows if we will even be alive, or if the world will still exist?
The heart doesnt concern itself with those things, and instead it pays more attention to what is needed Now, in the Present moment, in This Moment, which is really all we have any influence over at all. I cant really change very many things in the world, but i do have power over the way i perceive those things and the way i react to them. And i do have some power over the direction i choose to move in at THIS MOMENT. Only this one pure crystaline moment. Not five minutes from now, not five years. But in this moment, i can choose what feels like the best path. Every moment is a fork in the road, or a thousand of them, and the heart is very attentive and very capable of deciding which fork feels Right at this moment. And of course maybe five minutes down the road the heart says that the Right road is one that totally contradicts that last change of direction, but hey......maybe thats just the way it goes.


I trust my heart alot more than my mind, because my mind has delusions of grandeur. My heart doesnt lie, even if i know he can be a fool too in his own way.
No one can decide what is the right road for you, and indeed not even you can even begin to see what you will want and what you will need once you get down the road a little. You can only choose what feels like the best path from your current vantage point.
However, one can also make decisions that allow greater flexibility down the road when one needs to reverse or change direction. My suggestion to you is to consider very seriously obtaining a longer-stay visa before entering the country, because that way you give yourself the option. The worst thing that can happen then is that you hate Burma, hate everything you find here, and flee well within 28 days and the extra $30 you pay for a long-stay visa goes to waste. The worst thing that can happen if you dont get it is that you fall in love with this place, fall in love with everything here, and decide that it is calling you to stay on for another week or month or year, and then in order to do so you have to pay $100 or $200 or more to stay one. Which still is not the end of the world, especially when you are amongst friends. Which you will be.
So you must make that decision. But either way everything will be find. In fact, everything will be wonderful. Babies will continue to be born, sunsets will continue to be beautiful.
A few other details: It is very easy to make money on a side job here. English instruction is incredibly sought after and the international schools pay quite well. I was offered a job one month ago getting paid $15 an hour, when i am living on $5 a day. The math works out very much in my favor. However, i didnt take the job because i dont really need the money right now and every hour i have is an hour i can spend working with GT and with people who really need my help, who cant afford to pay the high tuition that allows the international schools to pay $15 an hour. However, if i had left home with less money, if i was running out now, i would have absolutely no qualms working a day or two a week to make enough money to support myself and to spend the rest of my time working for free. It is in fact something i have considered doing at a later date. You can consider that also if and when money becomes a problem..... ''

And the letter goes on detailing some arrangements..but the gist of it..was all captured in the first few phrases. I was truly moved by the email..and decided to take the 10 weeks visa then. Like he said, babies will continue to be born and sunsets will continue to be beautiful....whether or not I like Burma. No big deal if I decided if it's not for me, but if I truly fall in love with everything and everyone there, it makes it all worthwhile.

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