Published: January 2nd 2012December 24th 2011
So me and Naz left beautiful Langkawi, as well as some awesome friends and headed down for the Malay capital, KL (Kuala Lumpur). I had pre-arranged to meet the Malay girl I met in Langkawi as she lived in KL and said she wanted to show us around everywhere, I thought fair enough...
Upon arrival, we got 2 hours shuteye at the backpaker hostel/5* hotel for 7 pund a neet, and then headed into the centre to see some sights. It wasn't long before I received the text asking to be ready for our re-encounter with the Malaysian bunny-boiler to be (now referred to as BB). Everything was fine and she took us to see all of the main attractions including the famous KL twin Towers which was great. We were also taken to try some of the "ethnic" food, she said we would love it and we asked for an explanation as to what it was, she just said "its Ais Kakang" and nothing else. So we got to this indian stall where propped on a 12th century cart was an instrument that I remember seeing in the movie SAW. She shouts some gibberish in Malay and
we then receive our "Ais Kakang", a slush like substance made from hand shaved ice, brown diarrhoea-like slop (made from coconut apparently), kidney beans, sweetcorn and heavily topped with luminous green worms which BB said was jelly...funny looking jelly. We both ate it all not wanting to offend, but I can assure you we will never get it again...not willingly anyway.
To pay back I thought it would be a nice gesture to cook her and her mother a meal (yes...invited to meet the mother)...so I made them the only thing Italians can make, pasta with clams. After hours of effort and multi tasking whilst withstanding the mothers interrigational questions, I served up a mega bowl of spaghetti, garnished delighfully with the freshest selection of herbs Malaysia has to offer. Whilst her mother spoke on the phone and she was on Skype, me and Naz were stuck sitting in the dining room eating the meal I had slaved over on our own. Then at the end, when the beautifully garnished pasta dish had been mixed, gone cold and looked like shit quite frankly, the mother and daughter finally sat down to eat...didnt even get a compliment nor a thanks,
slags. We had been promised a night in KL with BB and her gay friend. That we got, and this is where things became interesting. To be fair to the lass, she did take us to the famous Zouk night club in KL - this is a place that all travellers wish to go to but don't end up going, either because they have no money or because they cant get their lazy arse out of the hostel and get in a taxi to the club, so me an Naz were really quite grateful to be there. This particular strip boasted flash Lamborghinis parked outside with complimentary fake, money grabbing, cracked up slags in and around it, so I already knew I wasnt going to be buying any drinks any time whilst we stayed in there. What was impressive were the dancers in the club with their skimpy little outfits and seductive faces, us noticing these girls would later start BB off with a huge jealousy fit whereby she would literally shout at me then ignore me, so me and Naz went out and decided to leave her...I dont care, she was on the rag anyway :P.
yet another weirdo, we headed for Singapore and met two deligtful little Irish girls on the way down. Fourteen hours later we were all pissed, and this went on till 7 am, its good that the irish still live up to their reputation. We visited the sights, it really is beautiful, but in order to really experience it I think you have to go with money, a lot of it. For example, we met a German lass that Naz that day described as 'The Fuhrer', genuinely not for racist reasons (well it is a bit racist), but because she literally demanded we go to places with her. Anyway, she talked about going to get some tea so me and Naz thought, "mint we'll go to Starbucks or something"... No, she took us to a place that was similar to Harrods and took us to a full on tea room - classical music and private waiter to match, where I was bullied (by her) into buying a $11 (6 quid) cup of caramel tea that tasted exactly like piss. We'll have a Tetley and a couple of hob nobs next time thanks. Anyway thats about it really, Singapore was nice but
we were looking forward to going down under. We even bought 2 bottles of 50% vodka at the airport to get us started.