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One hell of a ride!...all 287 miles of it!

Glad to be out of Vientiane, we were looking forward to getting away from the main city and heading to Tha Khaek, a very rural area of Laos where we were planning on doing a 3 day motorbike trip on a route nicknamed, “the loop.” Our previous research had led us to believe it wouldn’t all be perfectly fun and easy, and some parts would be a bit challenging. We already knew we wanted to stay at the Travel Lodge just outside of town after reading a little about it, and a previous friend we had traveled with, Bea, was meeting us there as well. It was definitely a good thing we had pre-booked a room because we saw quite a few other backpackers get turned away later on that night when they had filled every room. The room we stayed in was a bit pricey, but at least you got what you paid for; a huge room, huge bed, and monster bathroom with a hot shower. The Travel Lodge also had free wifi (one of the only places in town that did) and a huge storage locker where you can lock your big packs up while out on your bike for a few days (no extra charge). We have to say, the staff wasn’t the friendliest or most accommodating. We tried to order some dinner that night around 9:20, knowing that the kitchen closed at 9:30, but since they didn’t feel like making anything else, they told us it was closed and just smiled (you know, one of those tough shit for you but I don’t really care kind of smiles). Oh well, you take the good with the bad. We had also met a really cool guy from the states named Derek who had asked if he could join us, which was obviously just fine with all of us. Now, in the common area at Travel Lodge, there is a huge book with testimonials, and horror stories, from other people who had driven the loop. One person described it as “Great, Fun, Hell.” Others went on and on about how rough the ride was, recommending that you drive the loop counter-clockwise to save the smooth road part of the road for the last day, and TONS of people made it very clear to get a bike from Mr. Ku at Travel Lodge, even though his bikes are more expensive because they are very well maintained and worth the extra charge. Having already spoken with Mr. Ku and getting a good vibe from him, we took their advice and got a bike from him. Unfortunately for Bea and Derek, it was the only bike he had left for the next day. They would end up renting a bike from a guy down by the river named Mr. Lu. Little did we know just how LUCKY we were to have gotten that last bike at Travel Lodge. We figured, no matter what, the next few days will be an adventure… truer words were never spoken.
Day 1- We’re all excited and geared up for our adventure we had heard and read so much about. We had made the decision to do the loop counter-clockwise and save our ass’s on the 3rd day. Then again, of course, everyone who had written in the book was over exaggerating their trip…or were they? Optimistic and as prepared as possible, we set out for the beginning of our trip. It’s funny how quick your big group breaks up when bikes start to break down. We started with a group of 9 people, and within the first 20K, we were down to our original group of four and only 2 bikes instead of 3. We were in the front at the time of the first issue, and everyone always try to keep an eye on the person behind you in case they have an issue and don’t get left behind. So, after we didn’t see Bea in the back, we made our way backwards for a little bit, only to find that her bike had died on her. It had a full tank of gas, but it just…died. We ended up going up to a tiny village about 1K away where we eventually “communicated” to the mechanic we saw that we needed his help to go look at her bike and see if he could fix it. Of course, this was after she had already called Mr. Lu and asked him to help her with her bike problems, only to hear from him we had to find a mechanic and pay for it. He had said he didn’t cover tires, gas, if you crash it as far as expenses go and we all obviously understood that. Everything else, he would take care of if you kept the receipt (a chicken scratch note/signature/scribble-scribble then amount on some random piece of paper) to prove you had the work done. Now, when we say communicated, it doesn’t exactly mean we had a conversation… no, no, far from it. It was more like a game of Pictionary/murdering Laos phrases from a guide book/charades/and a lot of laughing between us and the Laos family where the mechanic lived. Once we had finally gotten our point across, we met the mechanic back by her bike, where he had the whole side of the bike torn apart in 5 minutes. The problem was, after a good 30 minutes, he was saying “no good” and we could tell it wasn’t getting fixed. The guy was really nice and trying to help as much as possible. Even when she made another call to Mr. Lu to explain the situation, the mechanic told him exactly what was going on. Now mind you, when you’re riding these things for 6-8 hours a day, every minute honestly does count so you can get to the next town you can stay in before it gets dark. Not to mention, if you break down in some of the areas we were in the second day, you’d pretty much be screwed. Mr. Lu said he would come out with his mechanic and take care of it and he would bring another bike with them after Nate had finally convinced him over the phone that he had to come fix it, period. An HOUR later, he showed up with a bike that looked even older, and said with a happy schmoozing voice saying, “It’s a small problem, I know it is.” We tried explaining that the other mechanic was trying the exact same things to diagnose the problem, but we were quickly ignored as if we were on crack and had no idea what we were talking about. After a bit he again said, “See? Small problem. He fix it right now.” Gee, that’s the same last chance ditch effort the other guy gave it before knowing it was shot. Nate quickly piped in, “ Um YEAH, BIG problem. Bike doesn’t work.” Reluctantly, he gave her the replacement bike and explained to her that all she had to do was take the bike in by the mechanic quick to get an oil change. Umm, are you kidding me? Why the hell would she have to do that, especially after already dealing with a dead bike? We wouldn’t have either. As you can imagine, she didn’t feel too confident with his bikes anymore, and after some bickering back and forth and making him understand the very least he could do is give her money back from the next 2 days (but of course he would keep the first day’s payment). Derek and her had decided at that point to split the cost of HIS bike, and ride together on the loop. That…was probably a good thing. We started out on the road again, for about 30 seconds, when all the sudden we didn’t see them again…because Derrick had blown out his rear tire. Are you kidding me? We weren’t even on a bad part of road, just regular pavement. This is NOT exactly the start any of us wanted to have to our trip. At least we weren’t far from where the mechanic was we had already talked to, and our friend ended up pushing his bike to the shop where the entire family was laughing again that we were back with another issue already. While the tire was being repaired, Jessie took the opportunity to bond with some of the kids from this family and was showing them some pictures of our families we had on the Ipod that was with us. As they saw the picture of one of Nate’s nieces, they looked a little confused and amazed at the same time that she had red hair and big blue eyes. As you can imagine, NOBODY in Laos looks like that! When the tire got fixed, we were off on our way again, riding down a paved, smooth road. About 30 minutes went by when we didn’t see them behind us again. Again, we back-tracked a bit and found out that he had run out of gas. Not only had he just dealt with a blown out tire before we even really got started, but now he got to find out that his bike was going to use over twice as much gas as ours since we were still at ¾ of a tank and we filled up at the same time and got the same amount. The gas station was right up the road from them, so once again he was pushing his bike, but at least this time it was to get some petrol. We learned real quick that people in Laos don’t call it gas. When you ask for gas they look at you like you have an extra arm growing out of your forehead. Anyways, he also had an empty liter bottle of water with him, so he had them fill that up too and keep it under the seat in case of an emergency. The next time we would fill up with petrol would be in a very small, simple village, where we stopped at a tiny store selling soda and some little snacks where we could get petrol at. Obviously nobody we were talking to by the house spoke English, so we pointed to the tank, and about the same time there was a guy who spoke pretty well who could point us in the right direction. The funny thing was, after waiting for about 5 minutes to figure out where we had to go, we turned around only to find the rest of the village had come to the house to see what was going on…staring, laughing, and being entertained by our presence. All 4 of us have blue eyes, and Nate is the only one of the 4 who doesn’t have light hair, so we stood out juuuust a little bit. By the time we had gotten done dealing with all the issues with the bikes, we didn’t stop to see a damn thing on the way to the first stop we had planned, scratch the caves and swimming holes. The second part of day one involved quite a long stretch of loose sand we had to drive through up and down hill. For those of you who haven’t done this with a motorbike/scooter with skinny ass wheels before…I can assure you… it’s a BITCH! Nate almost biffed it twice on that stretch. The first time the bike was literally sideways after our back tire washed out on us…thank GOD for long legs! Nate couldn’t WAIT to get out of that part of the dirt road we would be on for a day and a half. As we got closer to Tha Lang we couldn’t help but notice the effects of the dam that was recently built. The flooding was beyond anything we could have imagined and many villages we moved to government appointed housing along the road. It was really sad to see the amount of wilderness that was destroyed by the dam.
We had originally planned on staying at Sabaidee Guesthouse in Tha Lang, but ended up finding some really nice little blue bungalows right on the river. We did however eat dinner that night at Sabaidee, where we quickly realized that it was high season for cicadas. Try, if you can, to picture hundreds of big ass bugs that sound like WWII fighter planes flying through the air crash landing into your…head, arm, chest, face, back, leg…(you get the picture). You couldn’t go 2 minutes without getting slammed by one of those things, but the locals were LOVING it! They quickly seized the opportunity to collect them in empty 20 ounce bottles to snack on at a later time. The guy who owned the guesthouse came out with a plate of them dried and seasoned, and we’ll give you one guess who ate one and who didn’t. Of course the guys each tried one, and Nate has to say, he would have eaten another one without a problem. “No, seriously! I really would have! That was the best tasting bug I’ve had yet!” Did that peak Jessie’s curiosity enough to try one? HA! Yeah right… With dancers and all at Sabaidee we were glad we chose the blue bungalows, they were cheap, comfy, and even had an attached bathroom and a hot shower! Score!!! After a rough start to our trip, we had our fingers crossed, hoping for the best, knowing that day 2 was supposed to be even worse that the 1st. Oh boy, this could get really interesting.
Day 2- We actually got a pretty good night sleep on night one. Plus, the family that we stayed with made us some AMAZING food. There was no menu to choose food from only a verbal one when we asked for food, so we weren’t really sure what we were getting ourselves into, but that was one of the best breakfasts for the money we’ve had on our trip so far. The food was definitely made in true Lao style, 2 hours later we were finished…she must have cooked with A LOT of love. Well, if Nate wasn’t awake when the coffee came, he was DEFINITELY awake when a cicada the size of a walnut crash landed into his scrambled eggs. You little shit! Those are my eggs! Don’t make me eat you like I ate your cousin last night. Our quote of the day came from Bea as she quickly stopped mid-sentence with Jessie when a bird pooped on her head; “Sorry. It’s hard for me to concentrate when shit falls on my head...literally.” We all got a good laugh out of that one. After our delicious breakfast, we filled up on petrol, put our long pants and shirts on, put on our helmets, facemasks, and sunglasses, and started on our way. We quickly started to hit the “fun” section of the loop. We remember reading about how someone had described this 4 hour beast of a section as a “motocross track.” Originally, Nate laughed at this statement, remembering how he had made fun of the what the guy said a little bit too, “What a pussy. There’s NO way it can be THAT bad, c’mon.” So what was the road really like on this dirt/rock/gravel road that had such a bad reputation? It was everything we had read and heard, and much, much more! There was NO smooth path through, or around the road from hell. You just had to deal with rock after rock sticking up in the ground, loose dirt around every turn, and the best part of all…the POTHOLES! These can range anywhere from 1-3 feet wide, 2-6 feet long, and plenty deep enough to bottom out the shocks and even the pegs on your motorbike. If you tried to go more than about 5-10 mph, you either crashed, blew out a tire, or felt like you just took a full kick from a race horse to your ass and crotch (yeah, not nice). It seemed as though it would never end only a couple hours into the day. Part of the way through our day, guess who got another flat…Yep, our friends. Yet again, they were lucky enough to get it in a little village where they could just get it patched up and we could be on our way. Too bad when the tire had popped, they had also broken a bunch of spokes at the same time, and they had to get those fixed first before we could keep going. It was quickly time to fill up again, so we stopped at a very tiny town along the way. This village was a bit different…and a little more suiting of how many Laos people feel towards falang. We couldn’t get one person to even TRY to communicate with us. All we got were evil stares and hand gestures brushing us away like pesky flies. OK, next town it is! Not long after filling up at the next village, we stopped for a break when Nate and Jessie looked down at Derek’s bike… “Is that your chain? Did your chain just break?” This is getting ridiculous. However, once again, we were right down from a mechanic who could fix it for them, but still! We know shit happens…we get that and TOTALLY understand that, but one thing after another like that tends to tell you there is something else going on. We cannot give them enough credit for how calm they stayed, rolling with the punches and taking it in stride. GUARANTEED if that was Nate, he would have had to go for a very long walk with a beer to avoid calling Mr. Lu and telling him to come pick up his bike that just mysteriously rolled off the side of the mountain. How pissed would you be if that was you?! Thankfully, we made it to Konglor after avoiding (sometimes narrowly) a slew of animals; chickens, ducks, dogs, cats, goats, cows, pigs, a 3 ft snake, and let’s not forget, WATER BUFFALO! You almost have to laugh when they are in the road and you honk at them, no matter how close you get to hitting them. They just look at you like, Who the f*** are you and what the hell do you think you’re going to do to me? Honk all you want, I’m not moving unless I want to. We ended up staying in a guesthouse prior to entering the cave since it was too late to try making it to the other side and try a home stay. After such a “fun” day, we were passed out by like 8:30 that night.
Day 3- The highlight of the trip – Konglor Cave! We rode down about 2K to a small area near the cave where we had to find a boat to take us through to the other end and back again. As we parked our bikes, we were immersed in a very odd group of people. There was everything from a party going on, men with automatic machine guns on their shoulders (AKs), and kids gambling with REAL money under the supervision of a few adults to keep the game fair. After a little walk, we found a sign that said “boat committee”, and figured out this had to be the place. Of course, there are only 3 people allowed in one boat, so when you have a group of 4 (which is very common), you get screwed into paying for TWO boats. (Funny how we later saw families of 5 plus big bags of rice along with the driver and the guide in one boat going right past us) After a small hike to get to the boat, we put our headlamps on and got into the boat (old ass leaking canoe with a motor) with our guide and driver who navigates us down the river through the pitch black cave. The cave itself was absolutely AWESOME! It takes a good 30 minutes to navigate through and includes a decent section where you get out of the boat and hike through the cave on a man-made path before getting back on the boat. On the other side of the cave, there was a little area where you could sit and buy something to drink, maybe a snack, and you could go visit some close villages if you wanted to. We were limited on time already as it was, so we went back through the cave and got back on the road before it got too late in the day. Some of the entries in the book described the scenery on the 3rd day as “something out of Avatar”, so not only were we PUMPED to be on a normal road, but we were excited to see this amazing green scenery all around us. Even though the last day was on normal roads, our ass’s were so sore from day 2 that it hurt just to SIT on the bike for more than 10 minutes. We’re not sure who compared the views to Avatar, but if by Avatar they meant some green forests here and there in the mountains and acres of clear cut and burning trees, then I guess they were spot on! Maybe a LOT has changed since then, or maybe the wet season really does make that much of a difference, but we weren’t really that impressed honestly. However, it was a much more enjoyable ride, despite the couple of dog trucks that Jessie spotted. Ah yes, the dog trucks. These are trucks full of cages of dogs being sent from Thailand to Vietnam to be…you guessed it, eaten! Nate’s pretty adventurous with new foods and even bugs, but he said he’d rather eat his own ass that eat a dog. That’s just not right! The only worthy stop on the way back was a really nice lookout point where you could see pinnacles of tall, jagged rock sticking up high in the sky in a valley that stretched for a couple of miles. At least the ride back the 3rd day went smoother as far as bike issues, but what day would be complete without poor Derek and Bea having one more tire blowout to end the trip. Ah yeah, good times…good times. We’re pretty sure if we were Derek, we would’ve had quite a few words for Mr. Lu, and 2 of them rhyme with “brother trucker.” We’ll let you use your imagination. We eventually made it back to Tha Khaek where we all took a long, hot shower that ran the floor black and brown with all of the dirt embedded into our skin. So how did things go for Derek with Mr. Lu? That piece of crap didn’t even pay for the chain! He gave him part of the money for it and that was about it. The worst part is, you know damn well the next person that rents that bike will hear, “ This one has new chain, new tire, new spokes…everything I do myself for you. Very good bike.” On behalf of Derek and Bea, we TRULY hope that some people who are planning on doing the loop read this post (not to mention for your own benefit). After having a late dinner and buying poor Derek a beer for his rough trip, we all went to the bus station to take a midnight local bus to Pakse to save some money on accommodation and time on travel. We’re not quite sure just how to sum up a 3 day motorbike trip that is full of fun, unforgettable experiences, adventure, pain, hell, dirt, sweat, laughing, etc. What we DO know, is we’re both very grateful to have rented from Mr. Ku, and very happy to report we didn’t have any accidents or breakdowns the entire loop. All in all, we had a very memorable trip into rural Laos, one that we are not soon to forget. Onto Paske…

Traveler Tips
Getting There
Buses run daily from Vientiane’s Southern Bus terminal. You can catch any bus heading south to either Savannakhet or Pakse and they will stop in Tha Khaek.
Staying
Travel Lodge is a good option if you need to meet a group of people to go on the loop with since there is a nightly fire and everyone is super social. The downfall is the location, out of the center with a good 40 minute walk to most cheap food.
Eating
Your best bet is down by the center along the Mekong, stalls are set up all over. We enjoyed quite a few egg roti. There are a few small “restaurants” in walking distance of Travel Lodge, but all close by 9pm.
Transportation
Tha Khaek is a major hub so it’s easy to get a bus. A motor taxi is needed to get to either the center or Travel Lodge (10,000 kip each if you barter hard).

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