Been There, Don Det, Didn't Want the T-Shirt

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Leaving Vientiane, myself & Mel, my new travelling companion, head south; our destination Don Det, part of the 4000 islands in the very South of Laos. However, as I've decided to postpone my visit to Vietnam until April, we have time on our side and decide to explore a bit more of Southern Laos en route.

First stop is Kong Lor cave, described in the guide book as "The real Indiana Jones experience" and "Star Trek on LSD"... Its enough to get us excited about it, though neither of us being Star Trek fans, we go with Indiana Jones and frequently burst into singing the theme tune at regular intervals on the bus ride down there, which inevitably always seems to turn into the A-Team theme tune, or sometimes Superman (try it yourself, you'll know what I mean!) much to the amusement of the others travelling on the bus.

We meet a few characters; Jason from Canada - the quietest and most depressed looking person I've ever met in my life, Lee from Essex, but living in Australia - annoying to say the least and bares more than a passing resemblance to Scott Mills, Dominic - a young lad from Nottingham but with a middle England accent and who I can't help but have a little empathy for after he tells us he got "busted" in Vang Vieng smoking a joint and had to hand over $600 to the "Crazy Police", and finally a Dutch guy named Casper who is quite possibly the biggest bullshitter I ever met - My favourite phrase of him boasting "I drank the tap water in Bangkok all the time and I was fine" only to be shot down by his Canadian girlfriend Jocelyn - "No you didn't, you drank it once and it made you really ill!"

We also get chatting to a really nice Scottish couple Davey & Joanne who from then on become our travelling buddies for the next week. We go down to explore the caves by longtail motor boats and as we speed along into the massive dark mouth of the cave, Mel and I are singing the Indiana Jones theme tune at the tops of our voices, which of course turns into the A Team, but it adds even more drama to the 100ft high, 7km long caves.

We return to our guesthouse after a couple of hours and ask about getting a tuk tuk to the nearest town so we can get a bus and carry on with our journey South. "No more tuk tuk" says the young boy "Next tuk tuk tomorrow.". Oh dear, this isn't really what we wanted to hear. Although the caves were amazing, there's nothing else in this tiny village except the one guesthouse, a restaurant and a few pigs, cows & chickens and as it's only 2pm, we're keen to be on our way. So we chat with the young boy, tell him what we're prepared to pay (collectively about £12) and 10 mins later he pulls up in a tuk tuk with his dad at the wheel! Result! We high 5 the boy and jump in.

After about an hour, just outside Ban Nam Khoun, we pass the rest of the group who're in another tuk tuk/sangtheaw headed for Thakek which is where we want to go!... So we screech to a stop, pay the man, run across with our backpacks and pile in with the rest of the others from the original bus journey; quiet Jason, Scott Mills, Posh boy Dom etc... And of course Bullshit Casper (the not so friendly ghost). Now this next leg of the journey is 4 hours in a sangtheaw (effectively a large tuk tuk) with 15 other people... And I'm finding it suprisingly easier than it sounds. We're all chatting away, the breeze in our hair, enjoying the mountain scenery... That is until Casper starts with the bullshit statements, including "I don't want to go to Africa cos it's full of kids with flies in their eyes" (and he is serious by the way!) But it isn't until he starts spouting off about religion when I decide enough is enough. He sits there and demands "All religion is bollocks! I don't respect my girlfriends religion at all or her family's (his girlfriend is sat right next to him).."People are so stupid to believe in god, or being born again, or praying for things, or worshipping temples - it's ludicrous!"... I naturally argue with him "What, all the temples you've been visiting no doubt? you're travelling through predominantly Buddhist & Hindu countries and you can't even respect their religion?...". He continues with his rant and I finally flip... And I mean really flip, and I've only ever flipped like this when I've been really drunk, but I've been listening to this dick all day... So I scream at him, while pointing in his face; "I've never heard so much shit in all my life!! Just shut the f**k up!!" The tuk tuk goes into silence, me & Mel decide to listen to Bonnie Tyler "I'm holding out for a hero" on the iPod to lighten our mood, and thankfully we only have 30 mins until we finally reach Thakek.

Now this isn't normal behaviour for me. Back home there isn't a single person I don't get on with, I actually thought I could get on with anyone, even if there's someone I don't particularly like, I'm quite tolerable of most people in most situations. But this isn't most people, and this certainly isn't most situations. I'm finding the more and more people I meet, just how many annoying people there are in the world!... So many people who I have no time for, and to be honest they probably don't for me, so there's no point in wasting time with niceties when you clearly don't connect with the person. There's only so many times in one day (every day) you can ask "so where you from? Where you headed? How long you travelling for? Etc etc" without going stir crazy!

Though I have met the occasional traveller that likes to come at it from a different slant. Namely one guy "Cassidy" (which says it all!) who joined us while having a beer to say "Give me a moment..."...Umm ok, so the guy wants to be on his own we think. "Give me a moment.." he continues "from you're travels that you'll never forget..." and there onwards our brief conversation with him seems to turn into a "Who's had the most authentic Laos experience" competition. Which I'm really not that bothered but the fact that he is, makes me bothered and therefore I'm determined to out do him! And with our stories of the baby celebrations party up in Vientiane and swimming in the Mekong with the kids I think we win! Ha! It also makes me laugh when he says "I like to think of myself as a traveller, not a tourist..."...How many times have I heard this!! "You're not Laos are you?" I say..."then you're a tourist!"



There are, on the other hand, lots of really really nice people I've met and keep meeting along the way. Davey, Joanne, Mel & I, are all having fun and after reaching Thakek, we have a dinner together in a makeshift restaurant in the bus station, of fish, vegetables & rice before boarding our nightbus to Pakse. Now this is a local bus and I think the rules are; anything goes. We climb aboard a bus that is weighed down on top by about fifty refrigators, ovens and fans strapped to the roof and hence is slightly lopsided. Not a good sign. The inside isn't much better; we clamber down the aisle over spare tyres and... A motorbike!! Yep, there is a motorbike wedged in the aisle right next to where we're sitting, so we actually have to climb over it to get in our seat! We sit there for 5 mins with our knees in our chests, contemplating being sat like this for the next 8 hours...and then decide everyone has their limits... And this is ours! We climb out, just in time, grab our rucksacks and get the hell out of there! It's not long til the next bus arrives, thankfully, and this one only has 5 fridges and 2 motorcycles on the roof so we realise it's probably the best we're gonna get and jump on board. It isn't until we arrive in Pakse the next morning that we realise there's a big bag of cucumbers wedged under every seat as well as filling up the hold underneath that get dropped off at the Market on the way past... There must be 1000 cucumbers in total! Speaking to other travellers later on they say the same happened with them but with potatoes... Clearly Just the way they do things around here!

Pakse is a small dusty city, set on the banks of the Mekong river. It's not really somewhere you want to spend much time, but it's a good base for exploring the Bolaven Plateau, which we do by means of motorbikes. Once again, I'm a bit nervous, especially since there isn't one scooter available which means I have to learn to ride one with gears! Davey has ridden before so gives me a lesson and we ride round the block a few times. Suprisingly I'm not feeling the same "fear" as when I last got on a bike in Pai, and despite a few bunny hops while getting used to the gears I decide I feel comfortable enough to give it a go. So we pack up overnight packs and ride off into the hills, stopping at waterfalls and coffee planations along the way. We arrive at Tad Lo late afternoon and check into cute little shacks along the river side, overlooking the Tad Lo waterfall. We have a swim to cool off and head out for a few beers & food to celebrate Davey's birthday. Walking back along a rickety wooden bridge (which I nicknamed the bridge of doom since I had to ride along it earlier, trying to stick to a single plank's width so as not to fall through one of the gaping rotting holes) we see lots of young kids sat together in a huddle. As we pass by we can see in the moonlight that they are doing drugs of some kind. One kid is laid on his back and we stop to check he's ok, he sits up and says "hello, sorry sorry" but we can see in his eyes he's stoned. These kids can't be older than 7 or 8 and it makes me so sad.

The next day we ride off again, and I'm loving the open road, the sun on my face & the wind in my hair (under my sexy green panda helmet). I decide I need some tunes to ride along to but the only songs that keep coming into my head are the Indiana Jones theme tune (which I'm trying not to sing as I might get carried away with myself and think I'm Invincible and go too fast), Bananarama - Guilty and 4none Blondes...I've no idea why, but I end up singing these 3 songs on a loop for sometime, only stopping to shout "Piggy!!" everytime we pass a pig snuffling at the side of the road or to "Moooooo" at the occasional buffalo. We return to Pakse just as the sun is setting. I've had such a fun time and I'm so proud of myself. The girl who was once petrified of getting on a bike has just ridden 200km and bloody loved it and it's only my 3rd time on a bike!

From Pakse we head to Chapasak, to see Wat Phu - A Khmer temple that is rumoured to be the blue print for Ankor Wat. After trying to barter the fare there and back with a tuk tuk driver, we bump into an old English couple who are driving there so we hitch a free ride with them. It's an impressive sight but so so hot we are keen to get back to sort a hotel for the night. We decide to stay on the nearby island of Don Dueng (in the middle of the Mekong) as it's meant to be pretty much deserted... So much in fact, that it doesn't even appear on some maps! And it is deserted! We take a boat over there, rock up on the beach and look for a sign... No sign. We walk for what feels like forever until finally we reach a little village and are greeted by a little man stood outside his house. "Where you go?" he says "We don't know!" we admit "Do you know a place to stay?"... " Yes I have room" he says and shows us to a lovely little wooden house with 2 mattreses in. We take it and arrange dinner for 7pm. Me and Mel have been half joking half dreaming how nice it would be to have one night in a really nice hotel with our own pool and our own chef and tonight, we actually have our own chef! Be it the little man's wife, and we have no choice in what's being cooked for us, it just arrives on the table, but neverless we are the only people staying here and the food is yummy! You could say we kind of had our own pool as well in the form of the Mekong River which we spend most of the next afternoon swimming in to keep cool. It's so peaceful and not a soul in sight, but then suddenly from nowhere come 5 young children running towards us. "Farang Farang" the familiar holler comes and we spend the next few hours playing and splashing around in the river with these adorable little ones.

Later we take a stroll down the one street on the island and are greeted by more smiling enthusiastic children. After about 30 minutes we come across an Eco-lodge. A very expensive looking Eco-lodge! We decide to treat ourselves to an iced coffee by the pool, but then we see the price - so the coffee is more than what we paid for our room! We decide to have one anyway - splashing out for once, and it's a bloody good one! We make it last about an hour, enjoying the luxury surroundings & getting our money's worth!

The next morning we head down to the river, grab a "boat" (and I use the term loosely as it is actually a few planks of wood balanced between 2 platforms with a motor on the back) to the mainland and within half an hour we flag down a bus to Don Det, Si Phan Don (4000 islands)

The buses here, much like the boats, don't have specific stops so to speak. Which can get a bit frustrating when you're eager to get somewhere on your already overcrowded bus, only to pick up locals (or farang) at every possible opportunity, even if it means the bus is so full a young mother has to sleep in the aisle with her two babies and breastfeed them (this actually happened!). But then this can also work in your favour if you're the one looking for a bus - it's that simple, you just flag it down. None of this "doors close just as you get to them marlarkey and despite your desperate pleas, he still drives off the bastard!" That's happened many a time to me in London...in fact it's a bit of a sore point!

We arrive by lunchtime and pick a cute wooden shack on the riverside. It's so peaceful I lay down in the hammock to read my book but fall asleep within minutes.

We decide to hire bikes and peddle our way into town past many a doe eyed buffalo that roam free around the island. After having a chilled day catching up on correspondance and lounging in a shady cafe we head back but in the morning we realise Mel has returned with the wrong bike... An easy mistake to do as they all look identical no matter where you rent it from except for a splash of marker pen on the back with the guesthouse name on.... In Laos script, which makes them all look the same anyway! The owner of the guesthouse points it out the next morning and she's not happy, so we go into town, retrace our steps and spend 3 hours looking for this god damn bike! Thankfully we find it, so are free to enjoy the rest of the day. However that evening, we leave the restaurant we've just had a lovely dinner in, of steamed fish in coconut, lemongrass & banana leaf, to realise Mel's bike missing..again!! At first we wonder if someone is playing a joke but no, it's nowhere to be seen! Right from 3 feet away from where we were sitting it's been stolen!! The cheek if it!!

The next morning, I decide to get up early to cycle to the neighboring island of Don Khon. It's a peaceful ride and not too hot early on. I explore the waterfalls, the beach and then ride south to the tip of the island to spot the Irrawaddy Dolphins in the Mekong which I'm pleased to catch a glimpse of! After meeting Davey & Jo, we head back to the town to meet Mel and help her look for her bike, and take a more rural path through villages and across bamboo bridges... Now in my head this would be like a scene out of Eat, Pray Love... Me cyclling along with the wind in my hair, sun on my face, quietly humming to myself... But i'm not Julia Roberts and in reality, it's so bloody hot, I'm sweating like mad, my bike is rusty and bloody hard work to ride, not helped by the now rocky terrain I'm trying to ride over and keep getting stuck! I'm very quickly not enjoying myself, and if ever there was a moment where I wanted to be transported and lifted from this situation to another it was now!... But I battle on, having to hoyk by bike up some steep steps to get back to the road and eventually make it back to town. I see Mel who's just had her own ordeal after seeing a big fat hairy German guy with her bike who, when questioned had a go at her and refused to give it back. Not only that but she also witnessed a Laos woman beating the shit out of a British guy with an umbrella so that he was bleeding from the head! We later find out it was her husband...

We decide this place just isn't for us and that we need to leave ASAP! So after a gentle tube down the river (actually tubing this time NOT drinking) we book our bus ticket to Siem Riep in Cambodia.

Laos has been amazing, but it's just a shame due to the last few days I'm leaving with a bit of a bitter taste in my mouth...I don't know what it is with this place, Don Det, but the locals just aren't as friendly as we've experienced in other areas... Maybe it's because they're fed up of obnoxiously loud tourists (of which there are many) but then not everybody here is a drunken idiot, and just to be greeted with a smile would be nice!...Is it too much to ask if I'm spending my hard earned cash to at least look like you appreciate it?

Still I won't forget the journey through this wonderful country; the beautiful French influence of Luang Prabang, the craziness of Vang Vieng, the kindness of the Laos people at their baby celebration in Vientiane, the awe inspiring Kong Lor Cave, the 2 day road trip on the bikes, are all major highlights, and more than make up for the 3 not so great days in 4000 islands... Been there, Don Det... Bring on Cambodia!

Xx

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Photos

The "boats" from the mainland to Dong Dueng
A typical sight of a monk with a motorcycle...