Yabba-Fuelled Rollercoaster Rides, Local Legends, Political Tension and an AK-47


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Asia » Laos » East » Phonsavan
August 12th 2006
Published: August 21st 2006
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Woke up early on the morning of the 12th and had to rush around buying tickets for Phonsavan with only half an hour to spare. This suited me rather well, as I wanted to make a reasonably sharp exit after checking out of the guesthouse due to the damaged fan. Made it away safely and arrived at the bus station with very little time to spare. After loading our bags onto the roof, we were hurredly ushered onto the bus only to find that our seats were taken. After speaking to the driver, just to ask whether it was ok to sit in any seat, he promptly shooed the mother and child out of our seat and made them sit elswhere. At the time I felt quite bad about it, however it was certainly worth it in the end as all of the mothers on the bus proceeded to spit on the floor and seemed to have no problems with their children using the footwell as a toilet for the entire journey! I really don't think I could have coped with sitting next to that! The only saving grace of the journey was being able to admire the scenery as we made our way through the mountains. Also, after our journey from Hanoi, just being able to sit down in a cushioned seat, as opposed to a sack of rice, is a luxury!

So, off we went and spent an interesting 7 hours on a bus that smelt like a public toilet, enduring crazy Lao music blaring out through the overhead speakers, and being scared half to death by our driver taking corners on mountainous roads at 40mph whilst at the peak of a Yabba-fuelled state of insanity (Yabba is a drug out here, it comes in pill form and the closest thing that you can compare it to is Crystal Meth. The drivers often take it in order to stay awake throughout long journeys. It's pretty nasty stuff and basically if you take it you feel invincible - not a great thing for your driver to be feeling travelling along a road with a 500 foot sheer drop out of the window and no form of a barrier!). We finally arrived in Phonsavan, a little balder and with a severe shortage of fingernails after our white-knuckle ride.

Phonsovan is a medium-sized town (by Lao standards) in the East Central area of Laos. During the Vietnam war, US bombers were constantly embarking on bombing missions to North Vietnam and took the route across Eastern and North Eastern Laos. As the bomber pilots were ordered to drop their entire load of bombs during each mission, any leftovers would be dropped over Eastern Laos on their journey home. There was also a large amount of secret saturation bombing carried out, aiming for PL and NVA strongholds. In total, as a result of numerous secret US bombing raids, a total of 1.9 million metric tonnes of explosives were dropped over Laos, amounting to over half a tonne for every member of the population. Phonsavan was one of the most heavily bombed areas. A combination of these air strikes and a large amount of damage inflicted by North Vietnamese ground forces, resulted in many villages literally being wiped off the map, and their inhabitants being forced to live in caves for safety.

The viscious fighting left the surrounding areas littered with UXO and to this day, and for at least the next 50 years, despite the ongoing clean up efforts of a number of organisations, there will continue to be many accidents involving villagers; in particular children and farmers. Phonsavan's history is very evident when wandering around the town. Most guesthouses and shops have a large collection of bomb casings, mortars, rocket launchers, land mines, helmets etc. arranged in their receptions. You will also see a number of benches, fenceposts, even barbecues constructed from bomb casings. It is quite a stark reminder of just how many explosives rained down over this quiet town.

We arrived at the bus station and a short Tuk Tuk ride later we were booking ourselves into a very basic guesthouse in the main town. This place had a lot of character I must say. As mentioned above, the reception area (which I think also doubled up as the owner's living room) was filled with hundreds of pieces of recovered weaponry and bombshells. Another interesting decoration was a stuffed cat who's legs had been stretched apart and literally nailed to the wall! This unfortunate feline was accompanied by a couple of hapless squirrels who had obviously come to meet a similar demise and perched stiffly on a stick in one corner of the room. Perhaps the most disturbing of the decorations, however was a framed picture of the owner's wife, outside, holding an umbrella, whilst breast feeding their child….hmmmmmmmm…… wouldn't really be my first choice of picture to hang in the privacy of my bedroom, let alone my hotel reception! It just shows you how different people's attitudes are over here. The whole place had a 'League of Gentleman' feel and we were expecting to hear the phrase "this is a local guesthouse, for local people" at any second!

The rooms were pokey, and had woven bamboo walls so the ipod came in extremely handy when later that night a couple next door decided to rather noisily prove their undying love for one another. Started feeling a bit fidgety when I moved my bag and an enormous cockroach scurried out from underneath and swiftly ran across my supposedly clean sheets finding relative safety under the cover of darkenss beneath my bed. One thing was for sure, I certainly was not going to be venturing under there for any reason! I decided that out of sight out of mind was probably a good philosophy! The above combined with the general lack of health and safety (see shower photo) made for an interesting, if somewhat uncomfortable stay, and at US$1 each per night it was decided that we could put up with it.

Noticed that over the road from our place was a sister restaurant to the Nisha Indian in Vang Vieng. We were always really pleased with the service at the Vang Vieng branch so decided to try it out. We couldn’t have been more wrong - the meal just went from bad to worse! We arrived and there was a power cut. There was however still an hour or two of daylight, so we agreed to order. Around half an hour later our drinks arrived. This wasn't a great start considering that when they finally came they were warm as there was no electricity for the fridge, also we ordered two Tangos, one Pepsi and a Coke, but received three 7ups and a Pepsi. Oh well, at least they got one right eh? Unfortunately the only drink that you are guaranteed to be served without any hassle over here is Beer Lao! With this in mind and also to take our minds of our rumbling bellies, we ordered 4 beer Lao's and began trying to make a joke out of it. This jovial attitude was quite short-lived as the daylight slowly diminished and our stomachs began playing havoc. The food finally arrived after around an hour and a half, by this time it was totally dark meaning we had to eat by the light of a lone candle, casting a dim flickering glow across half of our plates. This was not all however, they got Rich's dish wrong, and forgot about mine completely! I was feeling a little annoyed at this point, the main reason being that I hadn't eaten properly all day due to the travelling and as a result was a little grouchy! Eventually the food arrived and I have to say was very good. I couldn’t help but think ‘so it bloody well should be after taking 2 hours to prepare!’

Sorry, just thought I'd include that little story because one thing South East Asian restaurants really aren't very good at is table service. A similar story is attached to the majority of meals we have, however as this was especially bad I thought I'd give it a mention.

With the voids that were our bellies now nicely bloated, we made our way to a tour office to book up
ShowerShowerShower

Note the light bulb and exposed wire that is dangerously close to the shower head. Another fine example of Asian health & safety standards!
a trip to see the ‘Plain of Jars’ and surrounding area. The Plain of Jars is like the Laos equivalent of Stone Henge in that no-one really knows how or why they are there. There are a number of theories as to the function of the jars; some say they were used as sarcophagi, others that they were used to ferment rice wine. The locals believe that to celebrate his victory over a cruel chieftain named Chao Angka in the 6th century, a Lao-Tai hero called Khun Jeuam had them constructed in order to ferment rice wine. Apparently they were cast using cement made from buffalo skin, sand, water and sugar cane, and a small cave with two holes in the ceiling was used as a kiln (the holes being chimneys). As charming as this story is, it has quite a major flaw in that the jars are actually carved from stone.

We arrived at the tour office to find five locals sitting outside drinking from a large glass jug containing a clear liquid full of what looked like chopped mushrooms and a suspicious black object. A closer inspection revealed that the black object was actually a rather unappetising Scarab Beetle! Keen for us to try this strange drink the locals poured us all shots and took great pleasure in watching our faces wince as we swallowed. The drink was actually a local rice whiskey called 'Lao Lao'. Unfortunately we never did find out what the chopped ingredient was, however you'll be pleased to hear that, albeit minus a few brain cells, we all lived to tell the tale!

We ended up booking a tour of the three major Jar sites in the area, along with a visit to a local Lao Lao brewery (oh dear!) and an abandoned Soviet Tank. You've got to admire the Lao people's sales techniques; ply your potential customer with the local whiskey then set about selling them your tour while they look at you through watery eyes, still slightly dazed, suffering from the stomach burning after effects! Happy that we had negotiated what we thought was a reasonable price (which, after chatting to various other people, actually turned out to be around average) we decided to get an early night in preparation for the early morning start.

Caught our bus and were greeted by our guides who turned out to be quite a couple of characters! We made our way to the first site and to be honest, it is a plain with lots of stone jars dotted around on it. It was a case of: 'if you've seen one, you've seen them all'. The best part about each different site were the views, as you can see from the photos. The guides were very informative, however at times maybe a little too informative. We found ourselves almost having to interject and move the group on ourselves. All of the stuff he was talking about was interesting, however most of it had absolutely nothing to do with the Plain of Jars! One thing that you are reminded of every step you take is the still very real danger of (literally) stumbling across UXO in the surrounding area. An organisation called MAG has swept the Jar sites deeming certain paths perfectly safe. These paths are marked by stone tiles set into the ground. Any urge to explore the surrounding area is promptly quaushed when you look around you and notice the numerous bomb craters from past explosions.

As the tour of the first Jar site continued, the younger of the 2 guides (we'll call him guide 2) seemed to be talking more and more frequently about the next stop, which was the 'Lao Lao' brewery. After a slow and bumpy journey along dirt tracks, we arrived at a remote village. You could see the joy in Guide 2’s eyes as he announced our arrival. We made our way over to a shed that contained three oil drums that were used to ferment sticky rice and ultimately produce 'Lao Lao'. Whilst Guide 1 was explaining how the fermenting process worked, Guide 2 was nowhere to be seen. Five minutes passed and we saw him trotting down the steps of a nearby building, with a grin on his face and a bottle in his hand. It was at this point that it all became clear. Each time the guides visit the village, they take a free bottle of Lao Lao away with them for the foreigners to sample. The bottle is far more than they need and any leftovers are poured into their Scarab Beetle jug back at the office for their own personal consumption! Crafty! We all sampled the drink, which tasted more like Sake this time round as it was still
MAGMAGMAG

Stay on the WHITE hand side!
warm due to being freshly produced that morning. We then all set off to the next jar site, Guide 2 still with whiskey in hand and a smile on his face. He proceeded to drink his newly aquired supply at regular intervals throughout the day, and I have to say that I took great pleasure in joining him!

The second and third Jar sites were more of the same really. As mentioned before, it was worth visiting for the views, but the actual jars are very similar. The pictures pretty much say it all. We stopped for a bit of noodle soup and headed off for our final stop - the Soviet Tank. After seeing so many different tanks throughout Vietnam, we were never really too worried about this one, and to be honest there was no reason to be. The tank itself has long since been stripped down by locals selling various parts as scrap metal which leaves only the shell. It is interesting that this tank is exactly where it ended up after rolling over a landmine all those years ago, and after having a look around you can see holes in the shell where it came under attack, however as an attraction it wasn't all that exciting.

The journey home was taken up by a few dirty and slightly strange jokes being told by one of the two guides (who were both now pretty drunk after consuming half of the bottle of whiskey), followed by myself and James teaching them a few new English words: 'Muff', 'Beef Curtains' and 'Gammon Gates' - which they found absolutely hilarious in their half-cut state!

Once back at the town we booked up a bus to Luang Prabang the following day. Phonsavan is a very quiet town and the nightlife is non-existent. You'll be lucky to find a bar open after 11pm and the only nightclub is a Karaoke bar which, eager to use the new additions to his English vocabulary, our guide described as somewhere we could find 'lots of muff, boom boom!'. Due to a serious lack of cash (no banks) and it being illegal for a foreigner to shag a Lao girl before marriage we decided that the Karaoke brothel sounded like an interesting concept, but probably a bad idea!

We made our way home, where the night's entertainment was provided by James sculpting his goatee into some hilarious creations (see pics).

Woke up early, checked out and waited outside our guesthouse for our taxi to the bus station. Got chatting to a rather nervous looking German couple who were catching the same bus. After talking for a while we learned the reason for their anxious mood. Apparently due to some political unrest between the Laos Government and the Hmong people, the German Government had issued a warning advising travellers to steer clear of Routes 5, 7 and 13 as there could be a danger of hijacking. Unfortunately the route that our bus was due to take to Luang Prabang was, yep you've guessed it, entirely along routes 7 and 13!

The Hmong people are Laos settlers that have come from Myanmar (Burma), Tibet and Southern China. They mainly live in the mountain villages of the Xieng Khuang Province. Since the Communist takeover things have always been a little unsettled and in 2004 a local bus was attacked resulting in a number of deaths, including 2 western travellers. We were slightly unnerved after hearing this news, however travelling through South East Asia you sort of learn to take things in your stride and we pressed on. After all, it wasn't like there was any other way of getting there! The journey turned out to be very ordinary indeed (by Asian standards!). The only worrying moment was when the bus stopped and on strolled a guy holding an AK-47. Everyone obviously felt slightly uncomfortable at this point, however after sensing no apparent danger our mood swiftly lightened and was replaced with laughter at the German couple's misfortune. It turned out that the guy with the gun chose to sit right next to our already anxious friends, probably turning their angst into downright panic! I would have loved a picture of their faces!

As the journey progressed, we travelled along mountain roads that gradually became more and more remote. Nothing but a wooden fence separated us from certain death at the foot of a sheer drop. The driver, in true Lao style, was careering along like a madman to the soundtrack of the most recent chartopping hit. The erratic singing and chaotic twang of the backing instruments only added to our feeling of being completely out of control! There was a bit of a scare when the bus hurtled round a blind corner only to be confronted by a wall of rocks and mud from a recent landslide. Taking evasive action, the bus driver swerved around the obstacle and came dangerously close to the edge of the cliff to our left, sending a wave of murmers, whimpers, screams and general tension throughout the bus.

The problem is that driving along a reasonably surfaced road, you are lulled into a false state of security. You think that you are roughly near to some kind of civilisation, however you really aren't at all. If there was any kind of problem the closest settlement that could offer any assistance was a good 5 hours away. After driving for a number of hours, the only settlements we saw were a handful of wooden huts with thatched roofs on stilts, perched precariously on the edge of cliffs. It really hit home how remote we were when the bus screeched to a halt after it was flagged down by a villager. He boarded the bus carrying his daughter of around 6 years old. She had a broken arm between her elbow and her shoulder that was held together by a bamboo splint. She had to sit on the bus for about 4 hours before arriving at Luang Prabang to go to hospital. It is amazing how brave she was, and how hardy these people must be in general. Who knows how long she was waiting before the bus turned up, but she sat there all journey without making a sound. A sad face and the occasional tear were all that told you she was uncomfortable.

The journey actually turned out to be very bearable and probably the most enjoyable of the trip so far. We were traveling across vast mountain ranges that sprawled out for miles and the views were absolutely amazing. This is what I love about overland travel; although you are scooting along at a rate of knots, you actually get to see the country you are travelling through rather than sailing high overhead. The bus journeys are like tours in themselves and there is certainly never a dull moment! Even after our torturous journey from Hanoi to Vientiane, I would sacrifice the speed and comfort of a flight to take in the sights, sounds and smells that you encounter on a local bus journey every time (it’s also a shit load cheaper!!!!).



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21st August 2006

hairy faces
What a co-incidence, to meet up with Leigh! I have to say I had no idea he was in Laos! I ( do love you, and fully understand WHY you both have easy hairy faces while travelling... but you MUST shave it all off when you come home!!!!!)
21st August 2006

Hey, nice rain mac...! Your cockroach experience sounds pretty lame compared to the experience I had in Crete where I found one crawling up my armpit towards my neck... AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!! I pooed my pants, screamed and ran. I survived to tell the tale though! I'm surprised you did by the state of that shower. Be careful.... Those views are lovely but the bus journey sounds pretty hairy as well. We get our house on Friday, how exciting. Take it easy, eL* xxx

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