#8- Tidbits, Toilets and Karaoke...Sayonara Japan


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Asia » Japan
July 29th 2010
Published: July 31st 2010
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(Author's note: I was so thrilled to be greeted with 11 messages to my blogs, it is is hard to see the screen through the tears in my eyes. It means so much that you are reading my journey. It is difficult to respond with the way this program works, but I am connecting with each one of your messages, thank you. You really are all a part of it. I love you. This blog is a little on the lighter side. xo).

As I sit on an airplane heading towards Vietnam, I thought I'd take a moment to share some tidbits about Japan that aren't in the travel guides.

The People
The Japanese people are super nice. The moment I would pull out a map, a passerby would stop and offer assistance, even if they were on a bike. This happened at least two dozen times. (I was lost a lot). That being said, many Japanese do not speak English, so while their intentions were good, helpers were often not so helpful.

I am enjoying meeting people at bars and restaurants. My LP guide has a small dictionary which I use along with elaborate facial expressions,
The Girlfriend...The Girlfriend...The Girlfriend...

Of one of my new friends in Hiroshima
charades and hand gestures, to converse with the locals. We are actually able to learn quite a lot from one another and develop a rapport.

But after a while, the words run out, the conversations taper, and the beers flow, which is when I like to throw in some of the less-known phrases in my travel vocabulary. Some of my favorites are, "I throw up often," or, "I am epileptic," and, "I have Diarrhea." It's especially fun to see the look on their face when I ask, "May I breast feed here?"
Crazy American!!!

Fashion
Teens/Young adults look like living anime drawings; with choppy, messy hair-often frayed- and dyed peroxide orange. The clothing styles were as equally unique: flood pants, arm coverings, pattern-on-pattern layering and the highest heels imagineable. I couldn't tell if the teen girls were really in school uniform or working the "Oops, I did it again" style... Again.

Trashcans
Japan is SO clean! But what puzzled me was how difficult it was to find a trashcan. Almost as difficult as finding a bathroom with paper towels or getting napkins with meals. Maybe that's how they keep the place so clean... no paper products.
Control PanelControl PanelControl Panel

Of the Shower toilet

Speaking of Bathrooms...

Toilets
I won't dedicate this journal to the toiletless toilets, because I only used those once. I haven't done enough yoga lately to be able to squat down over a hole and do my business without having undesirable results.

I would, however, like to discuss the mechanical "shower toilets." it took me a while to figure out all the buttons (although the pictures helped a little), but I quickly learned what these toilets were capable of...

To begin your toilet experience, the toilet knows when you lift the lid and kindly warms the seat for you. The toilet also knows when you sit down and "prepares" the bowl by raising the water level.

But the real fun starts when you're all done with your business. One button (for ladies only), acts as a bidet to take care of the hoo-hoo. Curious, I stood up and pressed the botton to see how it worked... but the toilet knew I wasn't sitting down! So I kneeled on the seat and pressed again, causing a little pink stick to come out and squirt water all over my shirt and shorts. Not the brightest move.

There's also a button everyone can use! what I call the "butt-wash button". Press this one, and a stream of water... well, you get the idea. A dial controls both temperature and stream strength. I strongly advise against turning the dial to full power (unless you want water to come out your nose).

What I do recommend, is pressing the button twice. It causes the stream to dance in circular waves (I discovered this by accident).

When you are complete with the wash, (say 20 seconds, 20 minutes... whatever), another button blow dries your butt with either hot or cold air. And yep, you guessed it... When you stand up, it flushes for you.

Who knew using the water closet could be such an adventure!!!!

And last but not least...

Karaoke
I really wasn"t planning on singing karaoke. It happened by accident. It was just me and a bartender named Tomo...

A commercial came on for Japanese Idol, which made me ask if he knew Kelly Clarkson or Carrie Underwood. He crinkled up his face and brought out this electronic song selector for karaoke. I just wanted to see if he knew our idols!!! (Not
Directions on the toilet lidDirections on the toilet lidDirections on the toilet lid

In case you didn't know how it works
one song by Carrie and only one by Kelly, BTW). He pressed play and shoved a microphone in my face...
What was I supposed to do????

Well, what I did was butcher Kelly Clarkson. But Tomo seemed to enjoy it. He clapped his hands widely to the beat and giggled gingerly. He reminded me of one of those little monkey toys with cymbals in their hands.

I still felt I needed to redeem myself after such a bad performance, so I gave Lady GaGa a whirl. This time, I tore it up!!! I was deep in the middle of my second chorus of, "Rah, Rah, Roma Ma," when the bar door opened!
And there I am...
Just me, a microphone, and a clapping bartender...
Exposed! Singing karaoke by myself.
Could this be a new low?

The only way I could redeem myself was to enroll this new patron into my karoke world. Once he ordered his drink (but before I told him I was an epileptic with diarrhea), I racked my brain for a song he had to know.

I programmed Celine Dion's "My Heart will Go On" and passed him the mic. He said, "no," and handed the mic back to me.
So there I am...
Just me, a microphone, and some Celine Dion...
"Every night in my dreams, I seeee you, I feeeel you..."
Now THIS was a new low.
But Tomo liked it.

When I did convince the guy next to me to sing (I let him pick his own song this time), he busted out with a very bad, nasally performance of a Japanese ballad. And there was Tomo, jumping and clapping like the cymballed monkey.

Was this the reaction my number-one fan gives to everyone? Even the bad singers? Who's to say if my Japanese karaoke debut was any good?

NOBODY!!!

And with that answer, I spent the next hour belting out Janis, Alanis, Elvis, Britney, Lady GaGa and George Michael.
(And according to Tomo, It was very, very good).



Additional photos below
Photos: 7, Displayed: 7


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31st July 2010

LOL
Jason I'm glad to see that you are having lots of fun and helping to make us Americans look like bigger fools to the rest of the world. ;-) I love that you had to play with the high tech toilet and sang lots of karaoke by yourself. Thank you for sharing both your educational experiences (which I really have enjoyed) and the fun ones. Be safe!
31st July 2010

Karaoke
reminds me of the times we sang and chewed bubble gum to the meatloaf song............I would do anything for you........but i WON'T do that....... great diaries............enjoy them..........you are a great writer
31st July 2010

Japan
OMG!! I laughed sooooo hard at this last blog! I could just SEE it all happening!! I can relate to a certain extent with your comment about not using a hole in the ground ... I managed to have to do that only twice in China ~ and only when ABSOLUTELY necessary - and yes, it isn't pretty!! I'll tell ya, I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall!! Too funny!! I have really enjoyed reading your adventures so far and look forward to each and every one! I think my favorite so far has been Hiroshima, though I also laughed at the deer chasing you and biting your butt!! Can I just say I found your "Let me be an instument for peace" poem so on point .. Your spa day and night looked just amazing :) Last but not least, your postcard to your mamma ... nothing on this earth compares to a mother's love for her son(s). Yes, she loves all her children the same, but there is an unbreakable bond between mother and son; just as fathers and daughters. I've said it before to you and I'll say it again ... Even though I never met your mom, I know she is supremely proud of you and where you are in this world and is with you every step of the way in this journey called life ... <3 I look forward to the next installment with baited breath!! Happy trails, my friend. Going to the Cheer carwash today with, yes, 3 cars from the Bianco household!! Safe travels!!
31st July 2010

Rah, Rah, Roma Ma
I eagerly await the YouTube version of your Karaoke tribute to Lady Gaga --- complete with the Clapping Tomo!
31st July 2010

Sing it Baby!
I wish I were there to sing with you! We make a fabulous duo. Muah!
31st July 2010

Wow Jason, this bathroom thing is so interesting and too modern for me. Knowing me I might end up pressing every button.lol I will have some difficulty with this. What a bunch of friendly people. Enjoy them and the beauty of every place you go and take care of yourself. Hugs Mom
31st July 2010

Japanese Toilets
I had to laugh, when I saw the photos of the toilets. After I left China where everyone does their business in a hole, I was so shocked to find the Japanese toilets, which were like going on an e-ticket ride at Disneyland. All you needed was a pillow and a blanket and you could call it a day. Glad you are having a great trip. Talked to Carol and she is fine. xoxo S
1st August 2010

Reply (what else?)
Jason, you are hilarious. I don't know another single person who could have described the toilets any better. I thought diarrhea was a universal word! I love your cymballed friend. xoxoxox
1st August 2010

love it
I enjoyed reading your blog... you are so funny en cute too..
2nd August 2010

Hi!
I've been reading your posts and all of them are very entertaining. :] As a fellow history teacher, I hope to one day gain the same opportunities to share with my students. The Children's Memorial on Peace gave me ideas for a potential project I can do in class. Tears came to my eyes when I read your postcard to your mom. Happy travels! Can't want for Vietnam!
2nd August 2010

OMG
LMFAO! Awesome blog entry. Your trip is so in line with where I want to go in Asia. Now I definitely want to go back to Japan! I grew up in Okinawa from 6 months old to 5 years. My dad's ashes are spread around the coast of Okinawa. He really loved Japan. Then you know I am half Vietnamese! Cannot wait to read about your adventures there. I work at Honda now and I must say I am very upset we don't have these specialty toilets here in the US. Where can I get one of those things! :)
2nd August 2010

Hysterical
Laughed so hard I cried over this blog. Love the contrast in your educational journey and your modern day cultural immersion (literally)!
4th August 2010

That was hilarious!! And I will expect to hear you do some Lady Gaga when you get back... :)
15th December 2010

i like your article
good article!very happy to see it !

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