Self Imposed Exile: Turning My Back On Summer

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Leaving Australia - again - was harder this time than it was the first time. It seems illogical I know, seeing as this would be a much shorter visit, a clear deadline set for my return. Then again, for those of you who know me well, when have I ever listened to reason and logic?

It didn't help that I was leaving summer behind. Australian summer. With family and friends and fun in the sun. I think my body rebelled against it, saying 'Noooo! You'll fade! Pasty skin! Don't do it!' None of that mattered. I had my ticket, I had an obligation, and I was going to see it through to the end.

10 months earlier I had boarded a plane only getting teary once through the departure doors, and then I had a whole 12 months ahead of me to find my feel in a foreign country alone. Why then, was the last 75 days causing me such problems?

The first week back here was dreadful. It was the same place that I had loved a month earlier, only covered in a thick blanket of snow. A winter wonderland, where the groud glowed in the moonlight and the sky felt so serene. Did I notice it at the time? Perhaps, but only for a moment. After that it was back to the despairing and weeping, thinking 'what the hell am I doing here?!' and resenting every minute that kept me from home.

Thankfully things have balanced out now, and I am happy to be here and happy to be going home, though sometimes I waver one way or the other. Catch me on a good day and I'm humming along to Japanese songs in the radio, chatting to the elderly couple who run the shop downstairs, or having fun with my students. Catch me on a bad day and I'm gunning down the school driveway scattering pedestrians and bike riding students, hard Aussie rock on the ipod, a jar of Vegemite in my hand - ok so the last part might not exactly be true...but some days I feel less than overjoyed to be here.

It's a nice day when I can find a balance.

I started walking to school on snowy days, as I don't have snow tyres for my car yet, and it feels so surreal. I've seen snow before, but it's been ages since I've had a White Christmas. Canada was a long time ago now. Walking in a light snowfall, mellow music in my ears, and taking in the scene around me is a nice way to start the day. It helps that I have a snuggly white jacket to rug up in.

I leave you now, with thoughts of keeping warm, whether that means taking a stroll outside or rugging up next to a fireplace. I give you also a few gifts of my neighbourhood as it appears in the wintertime.

xxx

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