Terribly Hilarious, Hilariously Terrible

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Quite possibly the most fiasco filled trip in my life, it was an epic failing success in a way I am sure is only possible when Sarah Fann goes to Japan. For starters, my plane was delayed five hours, which meant I was unable to meet my friend and had to instead figure things out for myself on day one. It wasn’t too bad, I was put in a hotel by the airline, and after a good night’s sleep I was ready to tackle my first day.

I needed to stow my over sized luggage, since I was not able to drop it off at my friends as planned, but luckily there are lockers everywhere in Japan. Mistake one, was misreading the locker instructions, and only purchasing a 3 hour cubby instead of a day cubby. So that meant I had to stay near the airport/train station, so I could re-store my luggage. The “observation tower”/”sky-view” sounded promising, so I hopped on a bus whose fair was a meager 100 yen. My plan was to get the lay of the local land, and then walk around for an hour or so before heading back to recharge my luggage locker. The bus driver looked at me incredulously when I got on the observation tower bus, but took my coins anyway. Shortly after reaching my destination, it was obvious why I got such a funny look. This wasn’t a sky tower, near the outskirts of town, where I could check out the city and hit the ground running. Nope, it was an airport themed “museum” and gift shop that was literally right next to the airport (thus on an island far from the city). Realizing my mistake, I decided there was nothing to it but to be bemused and walk around. There was a sky line dedicated gift shop, an aeronautically themed restaurant, and a “look out” floor. It was all quite ludicrous and very much empty. I decided the best thing to do would be to head back to the airport, catch a lunch, grab my luggage, and head to stop one on my way to meet my friend (who lives in Iga-Ueno and not Osaka). I figured I could stow my luggage in Namba and have a much better chance of finding a worthy stretch street to explore there.

Namba turned out to be an hour away, which I found surprising. I immediately went to the ticket booth to inquire how long it would take to get to my final destination. Turns out it would be another hour long trip, which left me a little under an hour to hang out in Namba – not even worth stowing my luggage. I got another shock when the price of the ticket turned out to be 1980yen – my Osaka to Namba ticket had only been 890 yen, yet the timing of the trip would be similar. I didn’t realize my friend was so far away. Namba station was pretty cool, and had some shops to peruse. I set off with all my luggage, which really made me feel too big to be allowed in a country as compact as Japan. I had a coffee and a sweet pastry, and then quickly dashed to the toilet before my second, long, train ride.

Any of you who have ever potty trained a toddler can appreciate the size of a Japanese public toilet, it’s about three quarters shin height, and thus difficult to reach. There happened to be a button encased in yellow at around navel height for me, which I thought was the flush button. I pressed it, immediately setting off some sort of alarm. Needless to say, the stalls next to me learned some choice English swearing, and I looked down to see that the flush button was actually around knee height. I rushed upstairs, the alarm was rather loud, and it had caused red lights to turn on near the bathroom. I wanted to meet the security guard or police officer, and let them know that it was just a mistake. The alarm stopped, but the red lights remained, so I waited for a while before reluctantly heading to my train stop. I wanted to do the right thing and correct my mistake, but I was about to miss the train if I didn’t get a move on.

After all was said and done, I finally made it to the station to meet my friend. Now the real fun could begin!

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Photos

Escape Box
About the most amusing thing in the "museum" were these boxes that apparently allow you to jump out of the top stories of the building.

Traditional Toilet
Yeah ... it's a hole in the ground.