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Hi ya’ll. It’s been a while since my last post as there hasn’t been much new and exciting to report. Except for the fact that a snake almost fell on my head a couple of nights ago. True story (cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye.) I got up in the middle of the night to take a wee in our open air bathroom. (Technically, it was 11:30 pm which IS the middle of the night for us wild and crazy Ubudians.) I finished up, washed my hands (I hope,) then headed back to the bedroom when I heard a rustling in the eaves. I assumed that Ratzilla was crawling out. We’d heard a rat in the attic building what must have been a Viet Cong sized habitrail about a month ago. A huge rat tail protruded from the eaves and I thought to myself, “That’s odd. Why would Ratzilla
back up the truck instead of going whiskers first?” Then I realized the rat tail had eyes. I jumped into the bedroom, closed the glass door and gasped, “Oh $#/+!” Toby groggily blurted, “Uh? Who? What? Erg?” I said, “A snake’s coming out of the roof.” He turned in time to see the snake fall from the roof onto the pebbled path. (So I have a witness and nobody can dismiss this as a malaria induced hallucination. Though he wasn’t awake for the hand washing part which I’m 95% sure happened but it was the middle of the night - for Ubudians - and I can’t be sure.) I thought it was green and Toby thought it was brown. Either way, we don’t know if it was poisonous or not because we never bought the “Bali Guide to Critters You Want to Run the Hell Away From.” (Number #1 would be overly friendly single guys in bars and #2 would be single guys in bars wearing a turban and carrying a suspiciously large briefcase.) The snake formed a giant S on the ground (for Super Snake?) and slithered off into the planter. Anyway, I’m glad it was a noisy snake (maybe it was deaf? Which would suck for a snake since they can’t do sign language.) If it was a ninja snake, I might not be typing this right now.
Oh, and we did get to experience our first Nyepi, an important annual religious event intended to scare off evil spirits. (Toby kept calling it Yippy which sounds more like a dog parade featuring Chihuahuas.) In the weeks leading up to Nyepi, people fire off bamboo cannons and build freakish looking beasts called ogoh-ogohs. These statues have a rebar frame around which strips of bamboo are woven to form the shape. Then a skin of papier-mâché or thin foam is applied, features and markings are painted on with an air brush, and clothing and props are the finishing touches. Many of them have Dolly Parton boobs and Angelina Jolie style labia. Someone explained to me that these particular ones are half female, half black magic. Grrr, why is it chicks always get labeled as the evil ones?! (Okay, so maybe they’ve seen reruns of Rosie O’Donnell and Martha Stewart and have a decent argument.) Regardless, as you can see in the pictures, the results are wildly creative. The day before Nyepi, every village carries their ogoh-ogohs through the streets on bamboo frames, shaking them this way and that to bring them to life with flapping wings, gyrating arms and legs, swishing tails and other unmentional parts. Bamboo canons boom and fireworks light up the night until dawn on the day of Nyepi when everything is completely silent. All businesses and even the airport are closed down for 24 hours. Everyone stays inside, no lights or TVs are used, and not a sound is made that might attract the evil spirits. We spent the day reading books, munching on chips and guacamole (inexpensive avocados here) and heard only the cooing of birds and an occasional dog barking across the river from us. Our landlord’s dog even came out from under our bed where he’d been hiding on and off for the past several days.
Speaking of dogs, I’m wrapping up my work at the dog rescue. Sadly, my favorite accountant quit. She said that things were too messy and management was completely lacking in good communication skills. Same crap, different country.
We’ve bought our return plane tickets - flying home on June 14th after a final jaunt through a Malaysian national park and a couple days in Bangkok (assuming civil war doesn’t break out) to get our teeth cleaned and medical checkups for cheap. Things I’m looking forward to at home: affordable wine (a $5 bottle at home runs $35-40 here,) friends (with fewer personality disorders,) sleeping in a queen size bed (I’ve narrowly missed a broken nose and a black eye due to Toby thrashing about in his sleep. He swears it’s accidental but I’m not buying it,) following vehicles with reliable tail lights (it’s annoying having to wash out your soiled undies every time you get home,) grocery stores with massive selection, low fat/low cal foods (I think this one would go lower on Toby’s list,) kitchen appliances (we’ve gotten by with two burners and a fridge for the last year. Tip: If your toaster ever dies, you can make toast in a frying pan.,) vehicles that stay on their side of the road (amazingly you can get used to this but it’s certainly not a plus,) low humidity, minimal amounts of biting insects, no ATM fees (one more reason to hate banks as if the financial crisis wasn’t enough. I’m switching to a credit union when I get home - no in-network ATM fees even in foreign countries!)
Things I’ll miss in Bali: free time, wearing shorts & flip flops every day, views of distant blue volcanoes, seeing elaborate stone carvings and intricately designed pebbled paths everywhere, watching people dressed in exotic costumes perform religious ceremonies, free time, hashing through verdant jungles and rice fields, fresh tropical fruits, free time, people who smile and wave at you wherever you go, eating dinner out for under $20 (that’s for two people including beers, tip & tax! And it was under $15 until recently when they raised the tax on alcohol by 50% to sock it to us infidels,) being oblivious to current events (it’s never good news anyway,) paying $250 a month for rent that includes all utilities and maid service (and an occasional free papaya,) a culture that promotes a stress-free lifestyle (except for the alcohol taxes,) birth control shots for only $3 (and they don’t even ask for insurance,) napping in the afternoon while a warm rain patters on the giant leaves of elephant ears outside the bedroom window (why in tarnation are we going home?,) and, oh yeah, free time (but maybe I already mentioned that.)
Unfortunately it doesn’t look like I’ll get my book finished by the time we leave as I’m still on chapter 5 at the moment. My perfectionist tendencies make writing a very slow process. Oh well, it’ll be something Avatar ogoh-ogoh
The detail and proportions are amazingly accurate. I can work on while I’m looking for a job which should be another very slow process. If anyone knows of a financial consulting firm looking for management level bean counters or any company that needs someone to fill in for a Controller type person on extended leave, send me an email. I’m looking forward to project work for a change. And if anyone needs a carpenter, Toby is absolutely DYING to build something again. He’s burned out on scooping dog poop for some crazy reason.
Hope to see you all soon (someplace that’s inexpensive as we’re jobless. Denny’s anyone?) (Argh, I’ve got to stop with this parenthesis thing!)
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Victor
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hey, finally coming home huh?!
geez, thought we'd never see that blog entry. well, can't wait to see y'all. sounds like a mixed affair, transitioning back to life in the ole USA. but, we'll take you back. just leave the green snakes there!