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Published: March 18th 2010
"Travel was pointless. It removed you from the place in which you had a meaning, and to which you gave meaning in return by dedicating your life to it, and it spirited you away into fairylands where you were, and looked, frankly absurd."--from The Enchantress of Florence by Salman Rushdie
Flashback: Bangkok, Thailand—October 2009. “Another holiday, what do you mean another holiday?” I asked the pompous looking official across the glass barrier. We were not at the Indian Embassy but the private visa-processing firm that handles the doling out of Indian Visas—for a hefty fee. This is not our first trip to this office. We came yesterday when a breathless security guard came running up to us before we stepped on the elevator, “You look for India Visa? The office closed, Holy Day.” So here we are again, hearing that the usual 5 day processing time for visas has been extended to 7 days because of not 1 but 2 more holidays. Oh, and it's Tuesday (the office was closed yesterday, remember?) so that is 7 BUSINESS days, that doesn't include the weekend. So now 5 days has quickly turned into 9 days, 10 days if you count
Neck o'steel
If you bought it in India it is more than likely that it arrived on somebody's head!yesterday. As a traveler, facing 9 days without your passport is a daunting prospect. And to make matters worse, my Dad is in the hospital—again. “If anything happens and we need our passports back—for an emergency—could we get them?” I ask. The answer is an Indian one, “All things are possible, however difficult and therefore unlikely. So maybe but no refunds.” Right.
Flashback: Bangkok—again. December 2009. Through no fault of its own, Bangkok does not rank as one of my favorite cities. It has the dubious honor of being the city we have spent the most number of days in on this trip, no matter how unwillingly. The first over 3 weeks we spent here was due to the combined forces of one defective prosthetic foot, the Hindu calendar and the privately run Indian Visa processing center that all conspired to hold us hostage. Now we are back, ostensibly to catch our flight to India but as it worked out it also happens to be my birthday. In addition, to not being my favorite place, Bangkok is not the most celebratory place I can think of—unless of course you are a sex-pat looking to score. Sure Bangkok is a
Park Street, 11 am
Crowding on Indian streets can be unbearable. People are crushed to death each year. The first week we were there, a pregnant woman was pushed by a surging crowd in front of an oncoming train. partyer's paradise but Khao San Road holds no particular charms for me. I am ready to put Bangkok behind me—more than ready. Kevin devises a system by which to judge whether we are liking India. “When we are in India and you say 'I wish we were back in Bangkok!' then that will really mean something,” he said. Be careful what you wish for...
December 20, 2009. At home this means it's 5 shopping days left until Christmas but to the rest of the world it is just Sunday. For me, it's my 31st birthday and I'm endlessly waiting to board our flight to Kolkata, India. We arrived extra early because when I tried to check our flight time, the airline's website was down—for 3 days. Turns out they never sent the actual itinerary to my email, only a confirmation number and a message saying to check the flight schedule online.
I sent an email to customer service—no response. I have no phone (barbaric, I know) but I call the airline's infoline on Skype. “We regret to inform you that due to an extremely high volume of calls, all representatives are busy,” Huh, could that have ANYTHING to
It smells like smoke. It must be trash day
In India there is no trash serviceat least as for as we can tell! When the trash on the streets gets deep enough someone sweeps it into a pile and lights a match. do with your website being down for 3 days!!! “Your anticipated wait time is 3 hours and 25 minutes,” the deceptively calm automated voice croons. That's great, just great.
So my only recourse is try to remember what I think might have been the time of the flight I scheduled over 2 months ago. 1 pm sounds good, right? Maybe? Not sure. We get to the airport at 9 am. Turns out the flight is at 3 pm or more accurately now it is at 5 pm—the flight has been delayed by 2 hours. Our plane finally leaves the runway at 7:39 pm, over an hour after we should have arrived. Once we landed at the Kolkata airport, the woman at the health checkpoint keeps insistently demanding for my mobile number—I haven't had a cell phone in almost 2 years—and then spends another 10 minutes berating me for not having one.
After we make it through immigration and customs, we ask a security guard where we can find an ATM. He pulls out a wad of money, “No ATM, I can change.” Thanks but no thanks. We use an official exchange booth which only rips us off slightly
Typical bathroom setup
A toilet, sans seat, that most Indian guests would climb up and squat on--we just sit. The shower is a bucket and a cup. First hotel had an open-air shower on the patio and a hole for a toilet. less than the rifle-toting guard/moneychanger.
We get in the already growing line at the airport prepaid taxi booth. But, wait, there's no one there. 20 minutes later, 30 of us are waiting, still no one. 15 more minutes and 250 Rs later we have a prepaid ticket for a taxi. We head outside along with a Canadian guy we are splitting the taxi with and a guy runs up to us and says, “Taxi? This way.” No sooner is the luggage in the trunk and us in the backseat when the shake down begins. “200 Rs. Each,” he says. “What?!?! For What???” we reply. “Tip,” he smiles. “No, this a pre-paid taxi and a tip shouldn't be 3 times what the fare is,” we respond. “200 Rs. Each,” he insists. We get out of the car and demand he get our bags out of the trunk.
We start walking back to the airport with the taxi driver in tow when a huge screaming match breaks out. Apparently, the taxi driver who swooped down on us is not an official taxi driver and was running a scam. Ok, we haven't even been in India an hour and we have
Living in the lap of luxury
Our third hotel room in Kolkata. It may not look like much but at least there are no bed bugs! narrowly escaped being nearly ripped off—twice. This is auspicious. It's dark, after 10 pm, we are hungry and tired and we don't even have somewhere to sleep yet! So we go up to one of the legitimate taxi drivers and give them our pre-paid ticket. “No,” he said. “Wait, why?” we ask. “Not until you go back into the airport and report the other driver to the airport manager,” he said. “No, it's ok. We don't want to make a complaint. We just want to find somewhere to sleep and go to bed. Please,” I begged. “No. First you make a report, then I will take you,” he demanded. Well, it appears that appealing to basic human decency will not work in this country. Fine. We run inside and go back up to the pre-paid taxi and shouted, “Some guy tried to rip us off out there,” I said. “What?” he said. We were already gone, back outside. “So now will you take us?” Off we went. Well, we are off to a great start. Welcome to India.
We can't say we weren't warned—repeatedly. Almost everyone we have met during the course of our travels has regaled us with
Human litter box?
Many people in Kolkata live on the street so there are many open-air urinals. This is for number 2 and no I'm not cleaning it! the multitudinousness horrors of India. They warned us about the filth, the poverty, the chaos, the mistreatment of women both foreign and domestic, the bureaucracy, the scams, man's inhumanity to man and the glaring absence of logical thought—so on and so forth. In fact, in well over a year of travel, the number of people we have met who have had something positive to say about India could be counted on the fingers of one hand, with fingers left over. And, yet we were determined. No traveler can truly call themselves a traveler until they have braved India—or so they say. Among travelers, India is well known as the most difficult place in the world to travel. India is not meant to be enjoyed, merely endured. We were told to keep our expectations low and stay on our toes. We knew India isn't a vacation, it's an endurance trial. Knowing all this one has to ask, are they crazy or are we?
We aren't in Kansas any more...
But being told something and living it are two very different things. Even after traveling to 30+ countries there is a first time for everything. Like changing 3 hostels in
Getting away from it all
Ammi sipping a tea-cocktail at one of our favorite spots in KolkataCamellia Tea Bar. 3 nights—most vicious bed bugs ever. Or nearly being trampled on just an average street. Or just barely avoiding being bitten by a homeless man (don't worry I'll get to that part).
India is an assault on the senses and often the body. You see things you never thought could exist—check out the human litter box—some of which you could have easily done without. Piles of garbage, open-air toilets and open sewers, dead animals rotting on train platforms and little dirty children chasing you down the street for blocks to beg for change. Even after a year and a half of travel arriving in India was like being being marooned on another planet. Even the people there treated us like aliens. We had to get used to people constantly staring at us with intense interest whatever we were doing—playing cards, eating or just walking down the street—we felt like we had turned green and grown horns! This country was definitely going to take some getting used to.
Kolkata—or Calcutta, everything here has at least 2 name in an attempt to spit in the eye of British colonialism, which falls flat because all the locals use the old British
Amen!
If only this sign could be mass produced and distributed throughout India. names anyway. (Only foreigners make an effort to use the new names in the interest of being culturally sensitive.) Kolkata is an average large Indian city with all the crowding and squalor that go with it. We tried to make the best of it but India has a way of undermining your best laid plans.
For example, while in Kolkata we thought we would go see Mother Theresa's Mission. The walk there was rough, we had to dodge overflowing sewers, goats eating garbage, men showering in their underwear on the sidewalk but it was about to get much worse. A dirty half-dressed man approached us as we were walking and held out his hand. I guess we just thought he was trying to be friendly. Kevin passed him first and shook his hand so when I passed him I went to do the same. Suddenly I realized my error. The guy grabbed clamped down hard on my hand, opened his mouth and bared his teeth. To my horror it dawned on me, “This guy is going to BITE me!” Scared and shocked as he moved to chomp down on my hand, I acted out of desperation and grabbed him
Happy New Year!
At least it was somewhere, we were on an overnight train. by his matted hair and pushed him off me. As he stumbled backwards I grabbed Kevin and rushed away. But it wasn't over yet.
Shaken by the incident I got turned around and we never did find Mother Theresa's house but on the way back we did find the crazy guy who tried to bite me. The moment he saw us he blocked our way and began waving his arms and screaming like someone possessed. We tried to go around and he looked like he was ready to attack us. People stood nearby and just watched the showdown. Kevin finally decided that discretion is the better part of valor and led us down a side street to get away. We walked around the back streets—lost, alone, dismayed and defeated.
So it turns out that the natives in this foreign land are not just curious but could be downright hostile. What's more—unlike other places we have traveled to before—we won't be able to appeal for any help from the local population. We're on our own in this place. This is not an auspicious beginning.
We did the best we could to ride out our time in Kolkata in
Bicycle Rickshaw Ride
He told us he had a cheap place for us to sleep. He lied. the hopes that the rest of India was better. Yet as time went on we started noticing a disturbing tend emerging. In order to get away from the crowds, pollution, filth, beggars and general unpleasantness, we were spending an inordinate amount of time in teahouses and bookstores. In fact, in the week we spent in Kolkata, our fondest memories are those guarded moments when we could escape the throbbing discomfort of being in India. We quickly realized that we liked India best when we could pretend we were somewhere—anywhere—else.
We were in Kolkata for Christmas which, for better or worse, is a big advent there. Despite a largely non-Christian population—mostly Muslim and Hindu around West Bengal—the universal commercial appeal of Christmas is apparently undeniable. I don't know how the Muslims feel about it but the Hindus, who already worship a pantheon on 33 million gods, have no problem embracing Jesus as just another one on the pile. Therefore, when it comes to Christmas, why not? The town is decked out in twinkle lights and all sorts of other Christmas related paraphernalia. We walked around Park Street and at night with the lights on things looked beautiful, maybe we would
Bhubaneswar traffic
It would often take us 15 minutes to cross the street but this was partly because people would stop to stare and point. get used to this India thing after all.
WARNING: Traveling in India for long periods can be detrimental to your sense of common decency, sanity, peace of mind and faith in humanity
So traveling in India was not going to be a cake walk, we understand that now. Even doing a good deed is hard here. For instance, in Kolkata, in what can only be described as the tourist ghetto, women with babies walk the streets stopping every white person they see and say, “No money sir, just buy my baby some baby milk powder?” Who could say no to that, right?
Wrong.
Turns out, the guy who ran our hostel explained, that those women are running a scam and the babies are likely not even theirs. This is how is works: these women pay a needy mother a pittance to “borrow” their baby for the day. With baby in hand, they go up to guilty-ridden tourists and ask them to buy them powdered baby formula for their hungry child— which is a) NOT their child and b) it's hungry because they intentionally don't feed the baby because a crying baby is more effective at bringing
Recycling Cow-style
Cows survive here by eating garbage. One guy we talked to went swimming in the ocean and looked back to see a cow eating his book. "Hey! I wasn't finished reading that!" in cash. If the tourist agrees then the women takes them to a specific store whose owner is also in on the scam. The shop owner charges the good-intentioned foreigner an exorbitant price for the formula and the tourist forks over the cash and goes on their merry way. The “mother” sells the baby formula back to the shop owner for a lower price and the “mother” pockets the bulk of the money while the shop owner makes some cash on the side as well. The child and their family receive almost nothing and the do-gooder has only served to reinforce this terrible practice that amounts to child abuse. India is a place where you really need to think before you give to anybody. You may think you are doing a good thing but you're warm fuzzy feeling may be risking a baby's life or at the very least giving a financial incentive to shy away from gaining self-sufficiency.
Many people come to India because of this reputation as a “spiritual” destination but we found that traveling in India is often disheartening and hard on the soul. Our next destination was supposed to be Puri, a popular beach holiday
Riding the Rails
I'm on the top bunk so I really hope this train stays on the tracks! spot for many India, but India had other ideas.
When we arrived in Puri we realized nearly everything was full do to the New Year holiday. In fact, we asked at 24 different places and most were full and anything that wasn't was ridiculously expensive. In all our travels we have never had this much trouble finding a place to sleep. We did find one place in our price range that was a tiny room with a cement floor and a straw mat on the floor. We saw the beach which was a dump (why is this place so popular again?!?!) so we decided to move on.
That was our second mistake. We decided on the spur of the moment to head to a nearby town, Bhubaneswar. What a pit! Hectic, noisy, nasty beyond belief and full of people who would literally point and stare at us, pointing with their mouths hanging open. We had to step over a dead dog to exit the train station. Out our hotel window was a garbage dump were we watched a undernourished puppy picking through the garbage while a crow tried to peck it to death. To make matters worse we
both got the flu (for the first time—there will be many more times during our stay India). We wanted nothing more than to get out of this hellhole.
And yet we can't. All the trains south are full. It turns out that even through hundred of trains travels around India everyday, getting on one of them can prove challenging. Originally, we wanted to go to Hyderabad, which is famed the world over for its modernity (aka Cyberbad, it's the nexus of India's software industry) and hospitality but we couldn't go there because trains were canceled due to widespread rioting throughout the city over the creation of a separate state. Back to the drawing board. We came up with a new plan but all trains were still full for days. What to do? Finally we were able to get a ticket out—on New Year's Eve. So while the rest of the country celebrated the beginning of a new decade, we were on a drafty train heading south.
Things are finally looking up
After our plans to go to Hyderabad fall through we decided to visit Mamallapuram, a little tourist enclave in the state of Tamil Nadu. From
the second we arrived we breathed a sigh of relief. It's relative clean, people treat us like humans and we were able to find a place to sleep without too much trouble. For us this was a refuge from the misery we had experienced in India so far. Mamallapuram's claim to fame is rock craving—from the ancient cravings that ring the city to the modern artists producing beautiful works of art on the street-side everyday. It's on the seashore but you have to to go north or south to swim because the beach in town belongs to the fishermen—they work on it, sleep on it and take a crap on it whenever nature calls. Trust me, sun yourself elsewhere!
We did have a chance to do something very special here—take a rock craving course from one of the local artisans. It was great—we will definitely be be doing this when we get home—and it's a lot easier than you would think. Overall we enjoyed Mamallapuram but as usual we had problems when we wanted to leave. All the buses are full—again. What a pain!
We always worry a little when we have a train ride in India. The
Look at that concentration!!!
Kevin rock carving in Mamallapuram first week we arrived a rebel group, called the Maoists, tried to kill a train load of people by holding an entire village at gunpoint and forcing them to tear apart the railroad tracks. Luckily, the railway officials discovered it in time and saved all those people. Some aren't so lucky.
A week later, 5 trains collided with fatalities because of FOG! Three of the trains involved where parked! Apparently, the trains have a system that detects if something is obstructing the tracks but the rules say that the engineers only have to stop for a few minutes—even if the system still says there is something on the track. The results are, well, BOOM. Train crashes are really common in India. Thankfully we missed out on that particular Indian experience.
We safely arrived in our next destination, Varkala. Thank G-d for Varkala! Varkala in a beach town (with a REAL beach even) that sits atop a cliff. Though some travelers in India complain that Varkala is not Indian enough, it is a fantastic place to recharge your batteries and get away from the day-to-day struggle for survival that traveling in India entails. The beggars are few, the touts
are manageable and the sunsets are spectacular.
Since the moment we arrived in India we have been questioning whether we should leave immediately or try to stick it out. After a week on the beach, we are feeling rejuvenated enough to decide to stick it out. We will see how that decision turns out. Yet there, in Varkala—in the moment—we felt like we had seen the worst and were enjoying how good life can be. India does have a way of doing that—when it is bad it is terrible but when things are good you appreciate them that much more. For instance, maybe Bangkok actually wasn't so bad after all.
***TIPS FOR TRAVELERS***
As we have decided to break our India experience into 3 blogs, we will spread our tips amongst the three. These tips will deal mostly with planning for a trip to India. India's advertising machine is in full force with its “Incredible India” campaign. But before you run out and buy plane tickets, you need to know the truth and the slick ads you see in magazines or watch on TV are hardly it. Look at the actually dictionary
The View from Our Hotel Window, Bhunbaneswar
Lovely isn't? This is the "Incredible India" you don't get to see in ads. definition for the word incredible. It says it all:
in·cred·i·ble (ˌ)in-ˈkre-də-bəl adjective
1. too extraordinary and improbable to be believed
2. beyond belief or understanding; unbelievable In truth, there are two separate phases of the campaign, one with the beautiful (read: retouched with PhotoShop) ads you get to see at home and the ones in Hindi and Tamil languages for the India public.
The ones in India paint a VERY different picture. In one commercial, they show scene after scene of Indians behaving badly—spitting, stealing, harassing foreigners—and a stern warning by one of the Bollywood elite, Amir Khan, to cut it out or tourists will be the next species in India to disappear (after the now 1409 tigers left—some villagers poisoned 2 cubs last week). Another (link below) shows two female tourists being harassed by a gaggle of touts before being saved by Amir—through in the commercial we saw in India it ends with the touts breaking out into a brawl over who gets their first 'go' at the girls which is probably the most accurate portrayal of India by far. Watch for yourself:
"Incredible" India Commercial More Credible India Commercial Slick advertising aside,
Yeah, imaging waking up to this guy in your bathroom!
There was no cover to the shower drain so anything that wanted to pop up through the drain and say hello could. the first question you really NEED to ask yourself is, “Is India right for me?” Look, we love travel and we have never actively discouraged other travelers from going to any destination, different strokes for different folks but let's face it, INDIA REALLY ISN'T FOR EVERYONE.
Now, I'm sure that some people would argue that fact but they are doing people a disservice. The truth is that India IS a difficult place to travel and has some aspects that many people would find intolerable. With that in mind, we have designed a little 'Is India Right for You?' assessment tool. This is designed specifically for independent travelers on tight budgets—people traveling on generous budgets can avoid some, but not all, of the discomforts associated with traveling in India. Take it and see if traveling in India is for you.
Is India Right for You?--Assessment Tool
Choose the answer that would be most true if you were tired, hungry and less than completely emotionally stable, as this will most accurately reflect how you will be feeling in India much of the time.
1) India is one of the most squalid, filthy and polluted places on Earth.
Rate your tolerance for dirt: • I'm a neat freak. I refuse to use gas station bathrooms. I use hand sanitizer constantly. Litter and toilet odors really bother me.
Add 5 points • I can tolerate a certain amount of filth. I don't get too upset at seeing trash everywhere or smelling nasty odors. I can stand being immersed in germ-infested surroundings all the time.
Add 3 points • I love dirt. I don't mind not bathing for weeks at a time. I love when homeless people touch me with there dirty hands. I love the smell of urine and manure. If I smell trash I move closer to get a big whiff. I firmly believe in littering, why walk to a trash can when you can throw it on the ground?
Add 0 points 2) Budget travel in India includes learning to live without certain “creature comforts” and conveniences--showering out of a bucket, cold water, using the toilet in a hole in the ground, traveling in shoddy modes of transportation over bad roads, no sidewalks/walking in the gutter, frequent blackouts lasting hours, etc. Rate your tolerance for discomfort:
• I'm accustomed to a high level of comfort. I expect hot water, toilets and electricity to be readily available. I think all modes of transportation should be in good working order, including shocks and brakes. I get car sick easily. The thought of having to jump in a gutter to avoid being run over is appalling to me.
Add 5 points • I'm willing to sacrifice my comfort. I don't mind going without electricity or clean running water from time to time. I can make do without a toilet and a shower. Lousy public transport doesn't bother me and I've learned to block out fear when facing down oncoming traffic. I'll jump in a gutter if I have to.
Add 3 points • I'm a masochist. The more uncomfortable I am the better. I enjoy doing without basic necessities. Who needs brakes or shocks? I prefer walking in the gutter.
Add 0 points 3) Because of the utter lack of cleanliness, getting sick repeatedly in India isn't just a possibility it is a certainty. Not just Delhi belly either but frequent bouts of colds and flu Wiring, Indian-style
No wonder we have so many blackouts! as well as infections of various types.
Rate your tolerance for illness: • I hate being sick! I tend to get sick easily and often. The thought of being REALLY sick all alone in a foreign country with less than stellar health care standards terrifies me.
Add 5 points • I have a pretty strong immune system. I don't tend to get sick very often. I've been traveling in several developing countries recently. I know quite a bit about medicine and can take care of many problems on my own. The idea of being sick and alone doesn't bother me too much. I don't mind getting my health care from a guy that doubles as the town's butcher.
Add 3 points • I like having a fever and a nose that runs like a faucet. I find Delhi belly a cleansing experience. I do all minor medical procedures and surgical operations myself without anesthesia.
Add 0 points 4) Traveling in India can often be incredibly frustrating. Holidays are frequent so accommodations can often be difficult to come by. Train tickets are frequently sold out for weeks at a A sad sight
This is one of the historic synagogues in Kolkata that has fallen into disuse and disrepair. It now sits behind a wrought-iron fence looking forlorn in the midst of a chaotic neighborhood. time even when there is nothing special going on. The red tape of the Indian Bureaucracy in legendary and often unconquerable. Even getting a yes or no answer to a question is nearly impossible due in part to the famous Indian head-bobble.
Rate your tolerance for frustration: • I am disappointed when things don't go the way they should. I hate making last minute changes to my original plans. I really hate missing out on seeing things that are important to me with some paper pusher telling me that the simple thing I want to do is "simply impossible".
Add 5 points • I can deal with things frequently not working out. I can learn to live with the disappointment of missing out on experiences that are important to me. I am capable of changing my plans on a moment's notice. I can maintain my composure when a paper pusher calmly tells me what I want or need is "impossible".
Add 3 points • I revel in being disappointed. There is nothing I want to do or see so it doesn't matter what I end up doing. I love standing in lines
Mamallapuram beach
Unfortunately the fisherman sleep and poop on the beach. Watch your step! and having everyone cut in front of me. I agree that most things—even simple ones—are impossible.
Add 0 points 5) India can be a very dangerous place. It is true that crime is low but train crashes, motor vehicle accidents and serious illnesses are very high. Safety standards in India are shockingly low. Traffic laws are nearly non-existent. India also has the dubious double honor of being the nation with the most terrorist acts and the most causalities due to terrorist. Leprosy is still around and 30,000 people die each year from rabies. Rate your tolerance for risk: • Continuing to live is VERY important to me. I have a high regard for my safety. I am not by nature a big risk taker. I can't enjoy traveling in a place where my safety is constantly in jeopardy. The thought of being blown up while eating a croissant really bothers me (on Feb. 13th 2010 IM terrorists blew up a bakery in Pune). I don't like to worry my loved ones at home.
Add 5 points • I can deal with a certain amount of risk. I know bad things
Iconic Images
This picture symbolizes rural India for me. An ancient temple, a beautifully dressed girl and a free-range goat all far from the hectic cities. Peaceful Mamallapuram. happen but I don't think they will happen to me. I'm willing to accept that in order to stay safe I will have to be on my toes 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Add 3 points • I'm foolhardy, delusional or both. I don't even think about my safety and/or completely ignore all the risks involved. I like going out of my way to get myself into trouble. I don't care what happens to me and neither does anyone else. I enjoy the occasional game of Russian Roulette--5 out of 6 players swear it is completely safe!
Add 0 points 6) If you highly value your privacy, don't like people asking you personal questions like "What do you weigh?" and "Why can't you find a husband?" or hate it if people CONSTANTLY stare at you:
Add 5 points 7) India is frequently overwhelming to the senses. If you can't tolerate the constant sound of LOUD noises, disturbing sights or repulsive smells:
Add 5 points 8) Many times the only bathroom facilities available is a squat-style toilet which is VERY difficult to use if you have ANY
problems with your lower limbs. If you have any problems with your feet, ankles, knees, legs, or hips:
Add 5 points 9) If the abuse, neglect or mistreatment of women, children, old people or animals upsets you
Add 5 points 10) If you are disgusted or afraid of bed bugs, lice, rats (dead or alive) or VERY large spiders:
Add 5 points 11) India in NOT for the novice traveler! If you have been to fewer than 10 developing countries:
Add 3 points , if your have been to less than 5 developing countries:
Add 5 points , if you have never been to a developing country:
Add 10 points , if you have never been out of your home country:
Add 20 points if you don't know what a developing county is or can't name at least 5 developing countries off the top of your head:
Stop the quiz right now and don't even consider going to India--maybe ever. And pick up a newspaper, will ya? 12) If being ripped off and cheated repeatedly or being harassed constantly by people that try to
rip you off and cheat you really bothers you:
Add 5 points 13) If you are a woman traveling alone and don't enjoy being groped by strange men:
Add 5 points , if you are blond:
Add 3 more points Now add up your points and see if India is right for you:
40+ DON'T GO!!!!!
This is NOT the right place for you! The rigors of Indian travel will kill you, make you crazy or best case scenario make you miserable. If you have an interest in Indian culture try yoga, ayurvedic medicine and meditation at home in a safe, clean and friendly environment. If you want Indian clothes, shop online. If you want Indian food, you are better off at a 5 star restaurant back home than at a roadside side where the guy wipes his bum and cooks your lunch without any soap gracing his hands in between the two. If you feel the urge to travel, try Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. A thriving Indian community with convenience and cleanliness in one nice little package.
28-39 CONSIDER SOMEWHERE ELSE
Don't be a hero. India is NOT for everyone, including seasoned travelers with many countries under their belt. Consider a place with a great deal of Indian influence on their culture like Bali, Indonesia. In fact, Southeast Asia in general my be a good alternative for you. It is relatively clean, safe, and convenient with enough culture interest, sights and excitement thrown in to make for a great travel experience.
12-27 DIFFICULT AND THEREFORE UNLIKELY BUT MAYBE AND NO REFUNDS
So you may survive and even occasionally enjoy India. You will have to come prepared with low expectations and fast reflexes. Who knows, you might even occasionally like it! If this is meant to be a relaxing vacation than you better go somewhere else but if you are ready for the travel equivalent of boot camp than strap in (whenever possible)--you are in for a WILD ride. Pay close attention to the "Traveler's Tips" and any advice you can get your hands on!
0-11 YOU HAVE FOUND YOUR GRACELAND
Other than to advise some intensive psychological help, we have no advice for you accept...humm...while...enjoy yourself. You will fit right in!
So you've been warned. If you still decide you want to go, here are some tips we hope will help!
TIPS
* Gear Up We found that travel in India requires more gear than you need traveling in other developing countries.
•
Fleece Sleeping Bag -this is invaluable for overnight train rides in Sleeper Class
•
Mosquito Net - Mosquitoes thrive in India because of all the open sewers and standing water. Very few budget accommodations provide mosquito nets and the mosquitoes in India are particularly relentless, even in the dead of winter in Kashmir you will be eaten alive!
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Cell Phone - In almost 2 years of travel we have never really felt like we needed a cell phone. That was until we got to India. Due to frequent and often unpredictable busy periods, it helps to be able to call a guesthouse and make arrangements in advance. India is still very backward technologically and few guesthouses can be booked online or even have an email address. Indian Railways can also send you updates on trains you have booked via text message if your phone is capable of receiving SMS. This is useful because trains are frequently 5, 12, 27 hours late and
India train stations are usually less than delightful places to spend long stretches of time if you can help it. Americans beware, most phones available in the U.S. won't work abroad so buy one internationally or make VERY sure the phone you have will work. The best thing about having a cell phone is that you can avoid being chewed by some self-righteous official for not having one!
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Closed-Toe Shoes - We know many travelers love their flip-flops, Crocs and pretty sandals but the first time you set out on Indian streets you will regret your footwear decision immediately. Stepping in a big steaming pile of poop (cow,dog, human, etc.) in boots is unpleasant but if it goes all over your bare feet you may well curse the day you were born.
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Ear Plugs, Sleep Mask, Inflatable Pillow - These can make travel much more bearable especially on overnight trips. Buying some Valium at a local pharmacy doesn't hurt either.
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Clothesline - Having you're laundry done in India is RIDICULOUSLY expensive because many places charge by the piece (if you add it up an average load of laundry it can cost as much as US$ 20/per load
Holy Paper-munching Cow, Batman!
Supposedly cows are sacred in India but I saw some guy pelleting this calf with a rock. I guess restaurant flyers are more sacred.
in some places!). On the other hand, powdered laundry soap is CHEAP—only a few Rupees—and every guesthouse bathroom comes with a bucket (in some places this doubles as your shower). Many places let you dry your washing on the roof but if they won't/can't or it's raining than you can use your own clothesline in your room.
* Visa Woes Visa rules for India have changed recently and even the Indian Government can't figure out what they mean. One of the biggest problems is that your 6-month multi-entry tourist visa may NOT entitle you to leave the country and return. WHAT!?!? Yup, the new rules state that if you leave the country--go to Nepal for instance--you may not be allowed to return to India even if your visa is still valid. WHY!?!? Because a new rule states that if you leave the country--even if you were only there for a couple days--you aren't allowed to re-enter India for 2 months. What you can do is to state you have plans to visit other countries in the region---Nepal, Sri Lanka, the Maldives--AT THE TIME YOU APPLY FOR YOUR VISA. Do this even if you aren't 100%!s(MISSING)ure you will
Ancient carved structure in Mamallapuram
What is this for? Breeding mosquitoes of course! visit another country during the life of your visa. Otherwise, if you decide later on that you want to visit a nearby country you will probably be out of luck. Bear in mind that even this it is not a guarantee because many border officials are unsure of the rules themselves or at least they pretend to be in order to extort money out of travelers.
* For the Ladies Traveling in India alone as a woman can be very unpleasant. One of our friends said that Indian men act worse than adolescents when it comes to foreign women. Be prepared for staring, obscene gestures, touching and sometimes having men expose themselves or masturbating in front of you. Dressing VERY conservatively helps (consider wearing a burqa) but this may not completely eliminate the problem so try to avoid going out alone. The harassment can be worse if you are blond, so consider dyeing your hair a darker color for the duration of your stay. NEVER WEAR A BIKINI--even to go swimming or sit on the beach. Sure women do it but in India it is really never appropriate. Certainly NEVER, NEVER, NEVER wear one off the beach—not
even in tourist hubs like Goa—it is this kind of behavior that makes life more difficult for all of us!
* Getting Sick If you're going to get sick traveling anywhere it will most likely happen in India. Even seasoned travelers and people who have been on the road for a long time get sick frequently in India. Do what you can to keep your immunity up. A backpacker's diet is not always terribly nutritious so consider taking a multi-vitamin with plenty of vitamin C and Zinc. Make sure to get EVERY vaccination you can get or that the ones you have are up to date. Most importantly, DON'T GO WITHOUT TRAVEL INSURANCE!!! Sure there are doctors and hospitals if you get have a minor injury or illness but for something serious you may need to be evacuated by plane or helicopter. People will tell you that they have traveled in India and never had any problems but remember 5 out of 6 Russian Roulette players say it's perfectly safe. Bad things can happen. Better safe than sorry!
* Tout and Scammers One thing we have learned in all our travels is that in
every country and across cultures some universal truths remain. The sun rises in the east, water is wet and a taxi driver will try to cheat you if he thinks he can. How do you know if a taxi driver is lying to you? His lips are moving. In India this rule can be expanded to about 90% of people who have any dealings with tourists. It may be hard and it my sound cynical but while traveling in India you will spend most of your time questioning the honesty of almost anyone you meet. Here are a couple of rules that can help:
1) If anyone comes up to you—out of the blue, for no clear reason—and begins a conversation with the question "Where are you from?" you can be 99% sure that they have an angle. They use information about your country of origin to calculate how best to manipulate you. You can be as friendly as you feel comfortable with but don't be surprised when the pitch comes.
2) Be careful telling people how long you have been traveling in India. Touts and merchants use this information on gauge how vulnerable you are.
3)
Don't trust people who randomly approach you and tell you a sight is closed or the guesthouse you want to go to is full, bad or burnt down. Especially if you are in a touristy area or a train/bus station. These people have an agenda which is usually to lead you somewhere that pays them a commission. Whatever you pay for will be increased in order to pay for the tout's commission. In the case of guesthouses, this can be as much as 400 Rupees more than the standard rate! Be careful also not to tell touts where you are going because they will try to follow you to your destination and claim they brought you there and you will end up paying for it!
4) No matter how heart-rending, try not to succumb to the temptation to give to beggars. First of all, remember that anything you financially support you endorse. This means by giving to beggars you are encouraging an increase in their numbers and for them to become more aggressive in hounding people for donations. Second, giving money to beggars really never improves their quality of life in the long run and may go to support
other things like crime, terrorism, child abuse or drug use. One seemingly good deed may actually do more harm than good.
* Transport Getting around India can be frustrating at times. The options include planes, trains and buses but can depend greatly on availability and your budget. Here are some pointers:
Trains Trains are the most common mode of transport used by foreigners and locals alike. This makes them relatively easy to book but frequently in short supply. There are a couple things you can do to improve your chances of getting the ticket you want:
1) By far the easiest way to by tickets is online but the Indian Railways site is incredibly confusing and difficult to use. What makes things even more difficult is that their website doesn't accept most foreign bank and credit cards. A much easier to use site that takes most cards is
www.makemytrip.com .
2) So you checked the web and all the trains are sold out. You still may have a couple of options. Indian Railways offers something called a Foreign Tourist quota, a certain number of seats on every train are reserved exclusively for
Yes, I know sunscreen was invented for people like me.
I tried to wash my shirt off in the ocean and the tide promptly swept it out to sea, I had to walk back the 3 kilometers without a shirt foreign visitors. To get one of these tickets you have to go to a train station or official booking office--NOT a travel agency (travel agencies cannot access the Foreign Tourist Quota so don't trust anyone who says they can). Come at least 3 days before the date of the ticket you want with your passport and the numbers of a couple of trains that will work for you--in case your first choice is full. This makes things move more smoothly and keeps the sarcastic comments by the employee booking your ticket down to a minimum.
3) If the tourist quota is full, it is less than 3 days before you need to travel or you can't get to an office--don't despair, there may yet be hope! There is something called the Tatkal Quota. It is designed for people who are traveling on short advance notice. At 8 am 2 days before the train is scheduled to leave a few Tatkal seats open up (if you wanted to travel on the 11th for instance the Tatkal would open at 8 am on the 9th). Keep in mind that these seats go quickly--often within minutes if the train has been sold
out for a while—and it is NOT wise to rely on this quota if you MUST be somewhere, to catch a flight for instance. You need to accept that spontaneous travel in India is extremely difficult, it is best to have things planned a few days and even a few cities in advance. Also getting to some places, for one reason or another, may not be possible at all--get used to disappointment.
Bus Buses are not usually a travelers first choice when it comes to travel. The roads in India are terrible, many of the buses are dirty and archaic, the constant noise of honking horns is maddening and Indian drivers are some of the worst in the world. Also they tend to be more expensive than Sleeper Class train tickets and the pick up and drop off points can be hard to find and get to. All this aside, it may be necessary from time to time to use them, if the trains are full or the route you want to take is not served by rail. Some buses can be booked on
www.makemytrip.com . If not, things can really difficult really fast. If you buy
This was one of the restaurant owners
He was just super excited to have his picture taken
a ticket from a travel agency you will end up paying twice or 3 times as much and may even ending up on some a rundown piece of junk at a premium price.
It is best to buy the ticket directly from the bus company but finding them is very hard. Some extensive internet searching will usually produce results but be prepared to go blind searching the net. When buying your ticket for a sleeper bus try to choose a 2+1 bus instead of a 2+2 bus. A 2+2 means two people have to sleep in each berth which means you will have so little space that you will be literally sleeping on top of each other. While this may even by acceptable if you really like the other person, spooning with a complete stranger can be awkward. A 2+1 bus has much larger double berths on one side and single berths for solo travelers on the other.
For shorter trips, consider using a government run bus at a public bus station. These buses are VERY old and VERY crowded but are usually tolerable for short trips and much easier to book.
Flights Though
using flights as the primary mode of transport is usually out of reach for most traditional budget travelers, taking the occasional flight to cover a large distance, here and there, may not break the bank—if they are booked far enough in advance. Some routes can be pretty affordable but book the ticket yourself! Travel agencies are famous for over-charging and scamming travelers (Do you sense a trend?). A good website for low cost flights is
www.skyscanner.net * Calling It Quits Last but not least, like any difficult campaign, you NEED to have a good exit strategy. Look, as we said before India is not for everyone and if you go and decide it isn't for you, don't be a hero! If you are sick, fed up or just miserable: Get Out! There are too many wonderful places and life is too short to spend your precious travel time in a place you hate. As an escape hatch, consider Southeast Asia—it's interesting, beautiful and inexpensive—not to mention—cleaner, safer and easier to get around. Even better Air Asia (
www.airasia.com ) now flies into and, more importantly, out of almost all major Indian cities everyday of the week arriving into clean,
laid back Kuala Lumpur. They have some great Indian food there too!
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William
non-member comment
Great post
Well written and very informative. Been around myself and always considered India. If I do go I'll need to do the luxury trip. Thanks for your honesty. Regards, William