Welcoming Committee

Our whole concept of good and evil in this world has been completely up-ended. For the entire first month, we've been coming out of each train station barreling through the throng of groping hotel hawkers and tour bus drivers who try to grease you with their car-salesman smile and luring English. They know just enough words to get your attention-- in a world of unrecognizable "bawkwai's", and "xiazhan's", you hear a "hello" and even though you KNOW it's from some sleazeball swindler, you're momentarily transfixed. And these guys have perfected their trade- they see your face relax for a second and they start reeling in. So if they're good, they use all 10 English phrases they know, lull you into this confounded comfort state and then bamboozle you with a slew of Mandarin to leave you dazed, and when you come-to, you're on a bus to a tour site you never even knew existed.

No, it's never really been that bad, but it's just annoying to come out weary from a long train journey and have literally 15 people vying for your attention: tugging at you like nagging children, stopping in your direct path, following you for blocks. We had been going along thinking these guys were the absolute lowest forms on Earth. So we'd rush past them, simply spot out a landmark in the distance and aim straight for it without looking down.

But this strategy was rendered useless when we arrived in Louyang at 2:30 in the morning. This late at night, without the customary frenzy outside of the train station which usually provides opportunity to slip by the foreigners fan club, we came out without cover. No masses to absorb into or swarms to barricade us, we ran directly into the crosshairs. So these 3 guys, in shoddy navy blue suits and ragged sneakers, stayed on us. They knew the words "you need hotel" and "you stay cheap" but I guess never learned the words "fock off you weasely bastards". So after walking 5 blocks and seeing them still trailing behind a cushy 15 yards, we gave in and asked what they could offer. They came out with a hotel, just down the street, for 160 yuan. We said it was too much, we were looking to spend 80. No problem, they turned us around and led us back to the train station. In this situation you're still wary of the whole ordeal. I mean these guys could just be leading us into a back-alley so we stayed cautious and told them to stay on the lighted streets.

So they ended up taking us to 3 different hotels-- all of which wouldn't even qualify as crack-dens in the US. But they were true to their word- they kept it under 80 yuan. We rejected all 3 places, but then it hit 3am and we just wanted sleep. Reluctantly, we told them to show us that 160Y hotel. It was palatial compared to the first few. So we agreed-- 160, we'll have to take it. Seemingly the guy didn't even work at the hotel but gets commission for people he brings in. And that's when our theorem got lambasted. The guy actually started bargaining with the receptionist for us. He got it down to 100. It was right there, posted on the placard, 160 for a double and this guy worked it down to 100 on our behalf-- without any prompting. Now, it could have been an entire set-up where the room was always 100, these guys quote 160 at first, are asked to see cheaper by Joe Traveler, they in turn show the same 3 funked up places, then Joe Traveler, after being thoroughly worn out, agrees to the 160 place and then is impressed when he only pays 100. But then that would be one unnecessarily detailed scheme. If they already had us agreed at 160, why take it down to almost half, at 100? I guess we'll never know. Nevertheless, we got a decent place at a cheap price.

However, they hadn't loosened their grip just yet. They then kept asking what we planned on doing while in town. "Do you want to see the Grottoes? Go to White Horse Temple? Go to Shaolin?" Then we were thinking, maybe they butter you up with that whole hotel bargaining skit, save you 60, making you believe they're on your side and then pinch you the next time for 300-- so we hadn't dropped our guard yet. We told them we were going on our own to the Grottoes tomorrow, and then Saturday may consider Shaolin. But we didn't want to agree to anything at this time. "We just want some sleep" we gestured, which freed us from their clutches, at least for the night.
"We'll be back Saturday", I scarcely made out from their Chinglish.

Then Friday night, around 10pm came a knock:
"You still want to go to Shaolin?"
Man, absolutely relentless...... "Ok yeah, maybe. Come back tomorrow."
"Ok, see you tomorrow. 8 o'clock"

So next morning at 7:56, knock on the door:
"Let's Go."
Good morning to you too.

We read in our book a minibus to Shaolin cost 40 Yuan from Zhengzhou. But we were in Louyang so we weren't sure how much it should cost from there. But when he said 30 each, it didn't seem that outrageous so we agreed. Still no sign of a fleecing yet. They led us to a minibus and when the big guy came around shouting "Money!" at us, we gave him the agreed upon 30 yuan each. And then it happened again. The collector turned around and began yelling at who had now become our personal travel coordinator. so we thought after this exchange they'd come back and say, "sorry, it's now 100", or some shit like that. But then he said it was only 15 each! He was just yelling at the guy for trying to milk us an extra 15 (which is only $2 anyway). So 2 transactions, both in our favor, and yet despite all this we were still on guard. This could just be a bus to an open field where they'll bury us in a shallow grave. And of course, that conclusion never manifested. So we got to Shaolin unscathed and to top it off the bus guy then went out of his way to make arrangements for us to go directly from Shaolin to our next destination.

It's baffling. We still don't know what to make of all of this. However, it hasn't gotten to the point yet where we're actually seeking these guys out whenever we exit a train station-- they're still annoying as all hell. But it's good to know they're not out to rob you. Besides, we're heading to India next, when the rules may change and the touts there DO lead me to a back alley to introduce me to the man-on-man ways of the Kama Sutra.

---

---