Friends

A long time ago I had a lot of friends. You always have the ones that stand out here and there and you go around with sayings like “1 good friend is better than 10 bad ones”, which of course is a quote inspired by Samuel Johnston “True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in there worth and choice”. But in the end, back then it’s just all about sounding cool or feeling important. I think I really get this quote now.

A few years ago, I had, what I felt at the time, was my few friends that surpassed the rest. We did a lot of things together and we did it during a time where I was learning my new passion, Kung Fu. So learning this new life passion with friends made the experience all more fun and enjoyable. We learned together, laughed together and continually tried to surpass one another. Some of us just making sure we remained on top. Of course, didn’t want to drop down in the rankings hehe.

However, something happened which I mistook back then as tragic, which was really a blessing in disguise that led to a lot of change. The thing is, when things got ugly I saw ‘friends’ take sides and I lost a lot of communication with people. The thing was that, none of these "friends" even bothered to listen to me; (except Jon!) they just ignored me and believed whatever was told or said. It felt like abandonment by those I felt were friends because I had relocated to Florida not to long before. I didn’t know anybody, I didn’t know the nightlife and I had all my friends from high school back up north. So I felt my communication with friends back home helped me not feel so bored.

Of course I had my family but my siblings are much younger than so understanding me is difficult for them, and since there closer in age it’s easier for them to understand each other. Of course I had my mother who really kicked in during all this, but still, it’s different with friends. Either way, I went through a period of solitude, and this period went on over a years time. I worked and met people at work, drank with them 2 or 3 times but still, it felt and was just like colleagues having fun. Before going to China, people would say “but you don’t know anybody over there or speak their language, you’ll feel so lonely”. Truth was I probably wouldn’t feel much since I was so use to it. I was already spending most of my time with me and realizing that I don’t need anybody but me to be happy.

When I came to China, I began to make friends. At first my colleagues and I didn’t really get a long but I feel this was me. I didn’t know what it really felt like to make friends like this anymore. Meet tons of new people and getting to know each other. I was so use to just doing my own things and walking my own path. When we started to get along it felt weird hearing “were going out to eat, wanna join” and in the beginning I would say “No, I’m alright, thanks though”. When I went out with them I would get “Angel speak or something, you not saying a thing”…I almost forgot what it felt like to talk in such large groups of friends just being retarded haha.

Either way, this went on for about 2 or 3 weeks before I took a leap of faith. A friend I met on a website that is for expats in China asked to meet up. She was with her friends and basically, single peeps just getting together for valentines. I said sure I’d go hang out and I did. I had a really good time meeting them and just sat around having a few drinks. Left home and figured nothing of it what-so-ever. They invited me out again and in fact seem to enjoy my company a lot. I remember thinking “I don’t get it”. Either way I ended up hanging out with them a lot afterwards. And now I can say I love them, I truly do.

In China, for me at least, making friends is different. You hang out with people and they become your new family. The bonds created are just so different. It’s like each of you is all each other has in this world that you can feel remotely related to in anyway, a piece of back home. But those pieces stand out in different ways that touch you deep inside. Friends feel like family in shorts amount of time. I truly feel the real friends I’ve made here in China know me better than the people I may have known for 10 years back home. People back home see me as this image of what I was, what I use to be. Many of them still see me as I was in high school with the idea that changes in people never happen.

It feels beautiful when I’m in a group of people who are from all walks of life. Different parts of the states and of the world just being weird but nobody cares. Those thoughts and ideas never cross a mind and on top of it, were a group of no judging. It’s so nice to go out, somebody may say something about their past, or me included and everybody’s like “we don’t care, we don’t judge”. It's great, it's straight up drinking to the mistakes! That’s more than some people’s families do out there and I get it with friends. Ralph Emerson once said “It is one of the blessings of friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”

Some of them really stand out to me like Jing, Patty and Jessica whom are leaving China in just a few short hours. It’s their departure that is really making me realize all of the things I’ve experienced and people I’ve met here. I spent the last 5 nights with them, breaking night, going to bed at 7-8AM just to be with them there last few days. Patty running on 5 hours of rest on day 3 and me on 2 since Friday (it’s Sunday). I wouldn’t give it up for all the sleep in the world.

Last night, my last night with them made me realize how important friends really are. As the night began to end I started to feel sad, I just wasn’t ready to say good-bye. Here I am on a dance floor breaking it down and I see “5AM” and I get nervous. We head outside and just ramble for like 10 minutes, everybody knew what was going on. Patty starts laughing and says “Were just standing here doing nothing cause none of us want to say bye”. It was true, I smiled and the good-bye’s began. Yeah, it really is “see you later”, I really do and truly believe and feel that way but it hurt to see them go. Hug’s began, I held back the tears, I said I wasn’t gonna cry. I find a taxi, he’ll take me my half an hour away. Give patty a good-bye and I’m thinking “I’m going to cry”… I couldn’t even give Jing a hug cause I sat in the taxi and said “Jia you!”. The taxi driver begins driving and the tears began falling. I can’t ever remember crying over any of my friends leaving before, it really shows the impact they’ve made on me and my life. I went from one extreme to the other complete extreme in such a short time.

I keep saying to myself “When I signed up for this, I didn’t sign up for the good-bye’s”. If you remember, or if I told you, one of the things I was truly looking to learn from my experience in China was appreciation and one of the center points of my blogging. I find myself learning it yet again, in just a different aspect of life. I really realize I would rather cry and remember then to not experience it in fear that I would cry and hurt from it. At one point over that years period this wasn't what I use to think at all. When I finished work today, it felt like they were already gone, I felt alone though I know I’m not. There are 1.6 billion people here but 3 less and I’m feeling it. Well, on another note, the sun is rising so time for me to go to bed. Let’s see who I meet tomorrow

"A Friend may well be reckoned the masterpiece of Nature."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

-Angel L. Negron Jr.

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