Chinese New Year

Friday begins Chinese New Year and I am celebrating by getting the heck outta here. Actually, everyone leaves and goes home, wherever that is, so I made sure to book my ticket early. My destination: Thailand.

Some of you know of my fondness for food and there’s little better food than authentic Thai. Thing is, I am only eating it for one day. Yeah, that’s right, because I am going all the way to Thailand to not eat. I’m going on a fast at www.dharmahealingintl.com a place that Sean turned me on to. He took his 60+ year-old diabetic mom there a few years ago and in ten days she got off all her medications and felt much better.

Not that I am on any medications, per se, but I am going to have the experience. Kind of like a vipassana meditation. I expect it will be bad, but in a good way. I tend to get pretty moody when I don’t eat so it will be an interesting time of self-observation. But it won’t be all water and no fun, because I get to drink all the coconut juice I want. Plus there are a couple thai massages, an iridology consultation, nutrition seminars and oh, woo hoo, twice daily enemas. I have to do those myself, but rest assured, I will let you know how it all goes.

After a week of that, it’s off to Kao Sok park to hang out with Stephen Petersen from Fairbanks to stalk the world’s biggest flower. And resume eating.

In foreshadowing, though, let me just say I am not currently in possession of my passport. It remains in Shanghai and my office says it will be ready for me when I arrive Friday morning. Good thing because my flight is Friday afternoon. I’ve gone through the medical exam and the two-hour wait in line, all assisted by a Y+ employee, so my fingers are crossed.

I still have to do a couple things before I leave, namely, set off a few fireworks. Chinese New Year is all about dissing the ghosts but even so, the things go off all the time around here, whenever a new business opens or some such. It doesn’t matter if it is day-time either. Frankly I have become a little jaded by all the recurrent explosions. Until yesterday. That is when Lynn dropped off our New Year present. It is just two fireworks, but one is the size of two cases of beer. Better still, the second one is the size of a suitcase. Dang thing should have wheels. I can’t wait to see what that bad boy does. And all for the low, low price of…$12.

I must tell you about getting to Shanghai. The train is the best way to go. It avoids traffic, but the schedule isn’t so good so I have been taking the bus. Last time I went it was late afternoon and the bus driver put on a kung-fu video, subtitled in three languages that one needed binoculars to see on the 13-inch screen up front. I turned to a trusty New Yorker (Thanks Amy!) and when it got dark, started reading by keychain penlight because the driver didn’t/couldn’t turn on the reading lights. The ride back was better. Ticket in hand, I had 25 minutes, so I went shopping and with ten minutes to go, stuffed a cream puff in my pocket and ran back to the bus station, arriving with two minutes to spare. I found my seat, bit into the creampuff and splorked it all over my backpack. Its powdered sugar decorated my black jeans. I was a mess. The two women across from me restrained their staring and laughter long enough to give me a napkin. Messy Foreigner!

Yesterday I had noodles at my favorite Muslim noodle shop when in walk two guys with accents saying "Can anyone speak English?" I look at them. "Hey, guys." But what they meant was can anyone here speak both English and Chinese. I didn’t fit the bill, but a woman at a table nearby did and she ordered for them not that rice or noodles is that hard to order but just the same, her presence took the pressure off. The guys looked just like those terrorists we always see on TV, (okay, that was a joke) but these two were from Algeria and so we spoke some French. After a bit, we went back to English when my brain locked during an attempt to tell the waiter one guy wanted some cold water to drink.

Okay, lastly, a short story from Amy about how she knows she lives in the Denver ‘hood.’ She writes:

Around 6 pm I was just out of the shower when I heard knocking on the door. Assuming it was an early Regina, I threw on some clothes and opened the door with my towel on my head.
Instead of Regina, it was a very pregnant woman, disheveled, a bit smelly and a whole lot panicked. ~ more stricken....

Woman: (holding drivers license in hand) "Oh thank heavens!! No one is home, neighbors wont answer the door, the church is locked.... and I'm having my baby..... I'm in labor about 10 minutes apart and I need to get to my mother’s. A girl needs her mother.... oh God the pain.... can I sit.... oh God!!!" (woman plops on the chair)

Wow - So I say ‘of course I'll take you wherever you need to go’... I call Regina - who's walking from her house to mine... I tell her there has been a bit of a change in plans - I need to get a woman to the hospital...

So I grab my coat, car keys and take the towel off my head...but now the woman is talking about her water breaking in my car and wouldn't that be messy, smelly stuff it is (hmm didn't know that....) and wow wouldn't she be embarrassed.... and she's not sure of her mothers address... (5 minutes of ahh, ohh, arghhh, just short of screams while a contraction occurs...)

Hmmm - I'm becoming a bit skeptical....

Woman: "yeah that would be gross - and wow what is her address.... a cab would only be about 20 bucks... I sure wouldn't want to have the baby in your car."

Now I am really skeptical... - and I basically tell her that I can’t help her with cab fare but I will take her wherever she needs to go. I continue to stand by the chair, keys in hand...

Like the switch of a light - she is up and out the door....

1261 Lipan street - drama right in your own home. - Amy

And you thought living in China was crazy. Until next time!- John

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