“Dorothy, I don’t think we are in China anymore”

Traveling long distance via bus can be a bit of a bummer as shared roadways result in delays, uneven surfaces make for a bumpy ride, and (as those prone to travel sickness well know) curvy roads can wreak havoc on gastrointestinal systems. There must be a solution that can at least partially alleviate the stresses and irritants of traveling on the highway, right?…Enter the Chinese sleeper bus. Roughly speaking, it is an over-sized, long-distance bus with 28 miniature beds on board configured three beds abreast, stacked two beds high with one passengers’ foot cubby creating the “pillow-bump” for the passenger immediately in front of him…anyone taller than 6’2” or anyone with a waist or chest measurement larger than 44” need not apply. This bed-system on wheels not only allows you to sleep through your 15 hour bus ride south, but, it also eliminates those pesky decisions like “when do I want to go to the bathroom?” or “when should I eat?” since you are 100% at the mercy of the bus-driver for the duration of the trip. Toilet breaks occur at the precise moment you arrive at the most foul toilet in a 3 province area, and, food stops occur once the bus driver has pulled up to his friend’s remote restaurant so that he can share in the profit-taking. Hardships aside, it is a rather interesting experience to wake up in the morning on a dirt road, lying in your bus-bed, looking out over misty mountains as the sun breaks at the horizon. I was shocked that our massive bus slogged all night long on dirt roads (often puddled with muddy water 6 inches+ deep) in order to reach our destination in the southern reaches of Yunnan province. Good work China!

Alright then, Jinghong…the map says I’m in China still, but my eyes, ears and taste buds beg to differ. Road signs all come with three written languages (Dai, Mandarin, Pinyin), most people look Thai or Lao, streets are lined with palm trees and food is infused with lemongrass, ginger, coconut and pineapple. The weather is a balmy 20C in the middle of a frigid Chinese winter and the locals are chilled-out and less hurried than their compadres to the north. We have spent a large portion of our time here eating, checking out the markets, eating, wandering the streets and eating. The laid-back atmosphere has been great for taking it slow and observing things rather than pursuing the sights. There is a really nice park on the north end of town….we didn’t do it. Another park in town promises daily cockfights…we didn’t bother. Instead, we played games with the locals, took pictures of the kids, bargained over fruit, and watched nightly as large groups of senior citizens would dance in unison to the sound of traditional music in Peacock Park. The village-town didn’t have the big ticket sights like many cities to the north, but, the easy-going spirit and infectious smiles gave us a look into a different side of China we didn’t even know existed…an excellent respite from the cold/hectic north.

Well, my lame haircut from Malaysia had grown into a sort of poof-ball structure and I was beginning to fear that it was attracting unwanted attention from birds and other creatures of flight. Considering this, I began to shop the streets of Jinghong for the ideal salon. Somehow, I was pulled into a game of Chinese chess, was quickly dispatched (probably had something to do with the fact that I had no idea what was going on) after which, it was suggested that I should pay 20 kuai for the lesson. I declined the brash offer, and continued on with my salon search, finally settled on a young, trendy looking Chinese salon advertising hairstyles that looked like flower arrangements and firework explosions…erect with gel and rainbow colourful. My Chinese-less looks seemed to overpower all else going on in the salon and within minutes the majority of the stylists (and a couple of customers) formed a circle around my chair, wide-eyed and curious. A couple folks couldn’t resist the urge and reached in to feel my silky-smooth locks; soon I was feeling jealous of all those caged animals with their protective bars. As the show was beginning to wrap up, I could tell that the end result was yet another fade job…can’t really blame the stylist as he was probably just following the lines from the previous butchering. The challenge is now to learn enough Nepalese so I can ask for a reasonable style for my next haircut several weeks from now in Nepal.

Our next destination will take us to the southernmost reaches of China, just a couple kilometers away from the Burmese border. We have spent several hours sitting around planning for our treks down south (basically sitting in several different restaurants, eating and talking BS of how we plan to sneak illegally into Burma) but have yet to come up with anything resembling a plan. There seems to be too many different options and the travel books keep suggesting that we hire a guide. We both don’t like the thought of extra baggage and have tossed the idea of a guide, so, as we go it alone, we will rely on our intuition and our compass to guide us to the promise land…this should get ugly.

Traveller’s Note: If you happen to find yourself in Jinghong and you don’t stop by the Mekong Café for a meal, you have made an error…the chicken cooked in a coconut and the sticky rice cooked in a pineapple is absolutely killer!


STATISTICS

• Flights taken = 2
  
• Intercity trains rides taken = 6
  
• Intercity bus rides taken = 17
  
• Times lost = 4
  
• Total instances of diarrhea = 2
  
• Total number of requests for pictures with Daniel = 2
  
• Total megabytes of pictures taken = 7,495
  

We have been on the road

Good Morning Truck
A bit disappointing, but, this was the only picture I could force myself to take in the morning on the bus

for…

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