As promised, the MOST chinese thing...

....I have ever done!

SO, if you've finished my last post, you will recall that we went on an awesome 4 day hike in the mountains aroud Urumqi (that culminated in a 7 hour hike with my 30 pound pack on the last day). After this, I was understandably sore. I mean like, walking funny kind of sore. my calves were tight and aching and my thighs were killing me, even when I was just standing!

The guys were feeling the same way, though they weren't QUITE as whiny as I was, and we decided to get massages the next day. I've had a lot of massges in Asia and most of them are great for making your muscles feel worked out. You get pulled in a bunch of different directions, your sore musles get slapped, hit and punched until they're numb, it's great! And usually really cheap, like under $10 for an hour.

Colin didn't want one because he's really cheap, so Jose, Alex and I sought out the massage place recommended to us. First of all, when you walk in, it looks like a hotel lobby. You check in at the desk, and off to the right is a large door labeled "Female Guests'. Off the left is "Male Guests". this made me a bit uncomfortable, because usually, alex and i get massages in the same room, side by side. (Just to head off any concerns, this story is NOT about those 'massage places' you've heard about. This was legit!)

I headed to the women's rooms, and waved goodbye to the guys. I walked down a short hall which opened up in a small locker filled with Chinese women. they were all changing from these purple print pajamas into day clothes and chatting. I naturally, gestured to the only attendant and asked her what to do, like, "where are MY pajamas?"

She just shook her head. "No".
I speak very little Madarin. She spoke NO English. She indicated I was to remove my clothes, which I did, down to my undies. Hoping she was satisfied, and hoping I could get those comfy pajamas now, I gestured again. She said no, and indicated I should take off the rest of what little clothes i had on, and store in the locker room. I did, and she handed me......a washcloth. No, calling it a washcloth is exaggerating. It was a tiny swatch of fabric, like a paint swatch barely big enough to cover my palm.

The ladies finished dressing and I realized that I was completely naked in a room full of clothed strangers. Also, have I mentioned the Chinese stare? Apparently there are no inhibitions about staring in China and I've gotten used to it for the most part, bu this was little different.

The attendant motioned for me to follow her and we walked out of the locker room into a larger room with showers off the left, saunas on the right, and in the middle, six big blue padded tables, almost like massage tables. This room was occupied by several women wearing underwear and bras, and maybe a dozen other completely naked women.

This is the part where I got really uncomfortable. I mean, at the gym at home, no big deal. But when I'm in a different country, when I don't speak the language and everyone is openly staring at me and talking about me.....well, you get the idea.

Also I had no clue as to what I was supposed to do. Hop up on the table and wait for my public, awkward naked massage? Shower? Or just keep standing in the middle of the room while every took a long hard look at what an American looks like, I mean, REALLY looks like!

I decided to be pro-active and not act sheepish. I dropped the washcloth and told the the attendant in my terrible Chinese " I don't understand! I don't know what to do!". So she told me to shower. She watched whileI showered. Actually, everyone watched. Then she told me, "Not enough!"

So I showered AGAIN. Then she pushed me in the sauna and told me to wait there for awhile. So I sat there until she fetched me out again. She gave me a pair of pajamas, (YES! CLOTHES!) and took me in the lobby where Alex aparantly had been asking for me. We had quick discussion about how much this supposed massage was going to cost and I was thrust back into the locker room. OFF with the clothes! Back into the sauna!

My helpful attendant pulled me out of the sauna and then I was showered AGAIN. She led me to a table in the middle of the room and I finally find out who the underwear-clad ladies were. They were dragon ladies, with big yellow mitts filled with sandpaper!

A lady came up to me, laid out on the table (naked!) and put on a yellow oven mitt, and started to scrub me, hard. I mean, like, restoring heat-to-a-hypothermic-loved-one hard. Like she was trying to scrub off my skin to see my bones. Like she was my mom, and I had just jumped into a vat of cowshit and skunk-scent, hard !

While the scrubbing was going on, I was giggling like crazy. Another woman starting getting scrubbed at the same time, and I kept looking over at her, like "Is she supposed to scrub me THERE?" My dragon lady was very good at her job.


Finally I was given ANOTHER shower and then got another pair of pajamas. She led me upstairs where I found Alex and Jose, drinking beer in a large dark room, with lots of other people, getting massaged and watching basketball. This was the actual massage part. I got a halfway decent massage, and asked the guys if they got the scrub treatment.

"SCRUBBED!? We didn't get SCRUBBED!", and because they were finished WAYY before me, they dashed back down to the men' locker room to find out if they were owed a scrub as well.

Now, I realize that this is normal treatment for people with a certain kind of money, but I've never really had the luxury before. I will write more on this subject later, as my time is UP!

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