All In A Days Work

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Our names are Camille and Denise LeRouge, and this is one of the longest travel days of our lives. Today we are making the trip from Masuda, Japan to Shanghai, China. The following takes place between 4:45am and 11:59pm.

Events occur in real time.


4:45am - Alarm clock goes *beep beep beep*
4:56am - Finally drag ourselves out of bed.
5:33am - Check air-con for the fourth time to make sure it's off despite it not being turned on in over two weeks.
5:58am - Train departs from Masuda, starting a six-hour, seven-transfer journey to Fukuoka Airport.
6:34am - Notice train conductor making 'engage' motion similar to that of Jean-Luc Picard. Suspect he's living out a childhood fantasy (which is later confirmed when he announces that the USS Enterprise is docking at Deep Space 9 and all Starfleet crew should alight on the left).
7:02am - Nobody is sitting anywhere near the foreigners.
7:24am - Wonder why skinny Japanese girl is wearing a mu-mu and fat guy hat like that of Homer Simpson.
8:37am - Note lack of events so far, figure it's due to the fact that everyone is sleeping while I look out the window, scarcely paying attention to happenings within the train.
8:38am - Engage myself in a heated debate as to which car I'd rather buy: Infiniti G35 or Nissan 350Z.
8:44am - Conclude that the 350Z is the better car on the sole basis that it's the faster car.
9:04am - Lunchtime! Plain ham sandwiches and OJ.
9:09am - Finish lunch, still hungry. Start a regrettable discussion about foods we miss.
9:29am - Acknowledge the five junior high school girls staring at us. Mouth 'fuck off already' when Denise isn't looking.
9:53am - Off to Kokura, original target for the bomb that wasted Nagasaki. Saved by cloudy skies.
10:23am - Nothing but Japanese ass - nobody is grabbing the hand rings in front of us. Comment of different types: flat, uni-cheek, elongated due to jeans hiked up to the armpits. Denise won't let me take a picture as proof.
10:36am - Suggest getting off at Space World instead and spend the day riding rollercoasters.
11:17am - Premonition: in the future, squares will no longer exist. Solution: invest heavily in circular technology.
11:26am - In Fukuoka...finally.
11:49am - Purchase new camera cases at Yodobashi.
11:50am - Get 'the look' from Denise for singing along a little too enthusiastically to their catchy jingle.

11:51am - Get in trouble again...humming too loudly.
12:11pm - Lunchie-munchies #2!
1:01pm - Search for bus to the international terminal.
1:12pm - Fuck it, decide to take the subway to the domestic terminal instead. Find out the bus route no longer exists.
1:20pm - Free shuttle bus to international terminal.
1:21pm - Sit behind the bus driver and make 'engage' motions like the train conductor.
1:39pm - Currency booth at the airport gives shitty exchange rates. Decide to change money in China.
1:57pm - Go through security. Metal detectors don't pick up my piercing or adamantium skeleton.
2:13pm - Laugh at Lindsay for getting searched and having her shampoo confiscated - probably because she's American.
2:30pm - Almost fall asleep on the toilet.
2:41pm - Ponder the sexuality of my friend Dan, possibly the biggest closet homosexual on the planet.
3:06pm - Board flight CA 916: FUK - PVG.
3:07pm - Junken (rock, paper, scissors) for window seat.
3:08pm - Booyah!
3:25pm - Take-off, right on time.
4:15pm - Served the most tasteless airline meal ever.
4:32pm - Play the 'A or B' game where you're given two scenarios to choose from, such as ugly or stupid. For the record, I'd choose stupid because I'm living proof on how far one can make it in life based on their looks, and everyone thinks I'm an idiot anyway.
4:00pm - Land at Pudong Airport. Hooray for time zones.
5:03pm - Board the Maglev, world's fastest train.
6:19pm - Check-in at our hostel.
6:42pm - Still checking-in...hostel staff is useless.
7:14pm - Hitting the streets of Shanghai.
8:52pm - Finally sit down to dinner after looking for a restaurant that is no longer in business.
9:46pm - Pestered by hawkers to buy fake watches, handbags, and little wheels for your shoes.
9:47pm - NO!!! Bugger off you little bastards before I kick you in the nuts!
10:54pm - Back at the hostel after an 18-hour day.
11:10pm - Assess the probability of contracting flesh-eating virus from the crud on the shower floor.
11:18pm - So far, so good.
11:55pm - Crawl into my surprisingly comfortable hostel bed.
11:59pm - Zzzzz...

*bee-BONG...bee-BONG...bee-BONG...*

Camille & Denise

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