Nanjing: A pair of Jacks in a city of Kings

Nanjing was the capital of China during both the Ming Dynasty (we think, need to check in Baxter and McGuire’s Big Book of Chinese Dynasties) and again for a short time during the republic. For the past 600 years it was surrounded by the largest city wall in the world (which is now only partially intact), which looked a good bit like the Great Wall looks in pictures. Man…those Chinese and their freckin walls….they love em! As far as massive cities in China go, Nanjing was a pretty place, with a large mountain to the east towering above the city, and the smog of Shanghai replaced by a gentler haze that only deflects the sun rather than blotting it out completely. So, like a pretty stay-at-home wife, we enjoyed the city for its looks but were really taken in by the pampering.

Our experience in Nanjing can be summed up in two words: Royal Treatment. The entire purpose of this little trip to China was to work on a research project with Ying studying supervisory ethics and performance at a large Nanjing company. Ying had mentioned that he had a family friend who was willing to let us have a go at his employees, so we applied for a grant and voi - la….here we are. Anyway, this family friend, Mr Shou, turned out to be one of the most powerful people in the JaingSu province, if not China as a whole, and possibly one of the most generous and gracious gentleman this side of Nazareth. I suppose we had expected that maybe we would have dinner one night with him to discuss business, but no…we ate virtually every meal for 8 days with his entire family at one gourmet restaurant after another, were put up in a 5 star skyscraper hotel overlooking the river and mountain, given the use of his personal driver and Bentley, set up in the VIP room at the movie theatre he owns twice, and finally (and most ridiculously) were taken today to a 1st class resort in the mountains to soak in the hot springs. Crazy. Totally over-the-top and unnecessary, but we were told early on that it would be an insult to refuse, and even saying "thank you" was deemed unnecessary and possibly offensive. The only problem was that neither he nor his wife spoke a word of English…making conversation somewhat tricky except while extremely drunk (for some reason).

However, this whole love fest started off on....an odd foot, in a classic Adam move. Actually this has never happened to me before but I suppose it won’t surprise too many people. The first day we met, we were taken out to a beautiful lunch, at which point I mentioned that I wanted to get a suit made at some point. So, after lunch, the Shou’s took me immediately to the nearest tailor where I was locked in to buying a $500 tailor-made suit (good deal…but WAY more than I intended on spending). Anyway…everyone is forced to wait…the whole family, Ying, and Tania…while I get measured for 30 minutes or so. At this point, I am asked to pay half the cost of the suit as a deposit. They won’t take my visa, so I go to the ATM next door with the son to get cash. Now don’t ask me how this happened since it has never happened before...but I freckin FORGOT my pin. Stunning. It is like forgetting your birthday. Gone. Tried what I thought it was once…twice…thrice. No luck. And now my account is locked. Worst part, Tania did not have money and neither did Ying. So Mrs. Shou, whom I had met about an hour before, had to cover the cost of the deposit. Utter humiliation. Eesh. I suppose you can take the boy out of idiotvillle....

Anyhoo...we managed to do some sightseeing in Nanjing, but mostly by accident. The second day we made the first of three unsuccessful attempts to go see the Japan war memorial. Nanjing is sort of the Chinese equivalent of Auschwitz during WWII. When Japan invaded, the local government locked the city gates trapping most of the population in inside (but of course cut-and-ran themselves). When Japan took over, they killed over 300,000 civilians and raped something like 20,000 women and girls. Terrible. I am actually quite interested to go the Yasukuni-Jinja Shrine in Tokyo next week where they tell a VERY different story of what happened in WWII. Japan has never taken responsibility for their behavior during the war (as the Germans have almost excessively), which is the root of much of the conflict between the two countries today. Anyway…we were taken by our cab driver NOT to the Japan memorial as promised…but somewhere else entirely. Unfortunately, everything was in Chinese and, of course, no one spok"e English, so we had no clue where we were. We now know it was the "Martyrs cemetery, but could have been the freckin moon for all we knew the whole time we were there. That said, while this place doesn’t get a lot of play on the lonely planet guide…it was freckin awesome. Some great statues that were completely incomprehensible, but at least made for some entertaining commentary.

The following days I mostly worked interviewing managers from different media companies and writing a survey. We tried two more times to go to the Japan memorial until we were finally told that it was closed…for a year. Whoops. We headed for the mountain overlooking the city and took a ski lift to the top. Very funny moment happened as we were attacked by ladybugs on the ride up. One ladybug is cute, two or three are manageable, but we were taken by a legitimate swarm. Well…just as we got out of the estrogen fueled siege (I am assuming that ladybugs are mostly ladies), one crawled down the front of Tania’s undies. She obviously frantically unbuttoned her jeans and went for it, but happened to do so right as we passed an old Chinese couple going the other direction on the lift (they were also the ONLY people we passed on the way up). The look of stunned amazement on their faces was priceless.

The final two funny stories happened on the last day when the Shou’s took us to the hot spring resort. We were driving in their van, 5 of us plus the driver, when we came upon a wedding procession (basically 6 black Audi’s in a row) on the freeway. The Audi's were minding their own business in the middle lane while a small white car was coasting along in the left lane where we happened to be speeding along. Now the driver…the Shou’s personal driver…lays on the horn behind the white car. When it doesn’t speed up, he cuts into the wedding procession...goes around the white car…and speeds up. Then...unbelievably...he SIDESWIPES the white car on the way back into the left lane just to teach him/her a lesson. Like full contact at 70mph. Tania yelps…no one else even flinches…it is like they didn’t even notice. Crazy freckin Chinese drivers. Anyway…we got to the hotsprings…and ended up in a hot pool full of little fish who nibble at any dead skin you have on your body. It is a full on minnow pedicure. They were gathering for a full scale testicular assult when I decided it was time to go. So we headed to the main lobby for another meal of some animal's stomach, anothers head, a vat of soup with a full chicken (head and feet attached for good measure) inside, and bamboo juice. So…that was Nanjing…quite an experience. Headed back to Shanghai for a night of WILD partying, a day of hung over bargaining, and a flight to Tokyo/Melbourne. What a ball. Next stop…the opposite of China (as far as asia goes).

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