After five months in China...I'm ready for home

“Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget.”

When I signed up to study abroad in China it was on a whim. I love to travel and have been going on international adventures since I was in middle school and spent a week with a family in Japan learning about their culture and visiting local schools and sites. I got the travel itch, that feeling of curiosity for anything that’s different. The travel itch turned into my greatest passion in life. I have traveled to several countries in Europe several times on group trips, family vacation and a backpacking adventure one summer. I have studied in Argentina for a month and never wanted to leave the culture I fell so in love with. When friends at school were talking about studying abroad, I brushed the idea off saying that I have traveled a lot already and would continue to do so throughout my life, but I would spend my college time studying at my university in Chicago and working a consistent job as a resident advisor in the dorms. So when I decided not to return as an RA again, I started to think about what I really wanted from college. I felt stuck where I was and seriously considered transferring to a different school, closer to home where I could have the comforts of home at my fingertips by living with my parents instead of paying a huge rent in Chicago. I figured I could get just as good of an education at the school in Minnesota and be even closer to family while I figured out what I really wanted to do with my life. Then it came to me, I didn’t want to start over, I just wanted a change of pace. So after many phone calls home trying to weigh out my options, I finally decided what I should do with my time: study abroad. I called up my dad and told him it made perfect sense. In fact, I was surprised I hadn’t thought of it sooner. While talking my dad, I pulled up my university’s study abroad website and looked for the most foreign place I could find; I wanted this to be different for me, to throw me out of my routine, and to remind me what is important. I still remember the sound of excited approval when I said to my dad, “How about Beijing, China?!” and his response was, “Great idea Colleen!”

Within days, I was telling every person I knew that I was going to China. People who didn’t know me too well were very curious wondering why I had chose China of all places. In the world of study abroad, China is not really known for their wild parties or lack of academic work. Friends coming back from trips to Europe or Australia had talked all about their wild adventures and raging club scenes. To them, study abroad was a time to go crazy and forget about the school they left behind. The classes were easy, and the free time was plentiful. For these people, it is exactly what they needed and wanted from their time abroad, and I have respect for anyone who dares to leave their comfort zone and see something new. This was not for me though, and anyone who knows me, totally understood my choice. I had traveled Europe, spent late nights partying, and seen gorgeous cathedrals and beautiful beaches. To me, this is an easy life, and an easy vacation to go on again and again. From study abroad, I wanted a chance to dig into a culture that was opposite of everything I had known and really give myself a challenge to see life from another angle. Which is why, when I told my close friends that I wanted to study in Beijing, they all said with a huge smile, “Only you, Colleen. You will have an amazing time!”

To say that original excitement never faded would be a huge lie. I spent some good time this past fall wondering what I had gotten myself into. When I got the acceptance papers and had realized I would be attending about 25 hours of class a week, 20 of which solely dedicated to Chinese language, I was overwhelmed. In Chicago, we are expected to take 12 hours of class a week. The housing situation in China was told to be a “spartan” room, which I learned was defined as “sternly disciplined and rigorously simple, frugal, or austere.” While I can appreciate a bargain just as much as the next person, it is safe to say “frugal” has never been an attribute I’ve had, and as far as my decorating style goes “austere” would be the last way to describe the homey, comfortable feeling I like to embed in any living situation I am in. So, once I had read through the entirety of the “welcome” packet from Syracuse Abroad I was soon imagining myself living between my Chinese classroom and personal jail cell kindly offered by Tsinghua University.

In an attempt to enhance my excitement I started reading Chinese guidebooks. I must have bought at least ten books and frequented most of Beijing’s tourism websites. After a few weeks of familiarizing myself with where I was going, I had a newfound intrigue for the life I was heading toward. A few weeks before I left, I gave up on the guidebooks and figured I would let China teach me itself. I packed up my life, said goodbye to my family and friends, and before I knew it, I was on the nonstop flight to China.

The first night at Tsinghua, we met everyone in the Syracuse program. There are 19 of us and from the start we were told to treat each other like family. So we said hello to our new sisters and brothers and started to feel out who everyone was and what they were all about. It took hardly any time at all to feel a great bond with the people who had chosen to come on this incredible experience together. A few days after our arrival we were in route to Xi’an for the start of our two-week travel seminar/orientation/3-credit class about China’s past, present, and future. That led us from Xi’an, back to Beijing, then on to Shanghai. It was a good time but a busy one. I was happy when it was over and we’d have less structure to every day. Group travel can be a great way to see a lot of things in a little time, but it can also get annoying pretty quick to wait on others and always be on a strict time frame. After Shanghai we had a one-week break for the Chinese New Year. I was very lucky to be invited to Fuzhou by Amanda, a friend I had made from the Syracuse program, to spend the holiday with her family. After an awesome week of seeing a more real view of China rather than the tourist view we had just seen, Amanda and I headed back to Beijing to meet up with everyone and get into gear with our Chinese classes. Before we knew it, we were into our own Tsinghua routine with classes, group meals, workout sessions, homework nights, and the occasional partying on the weekends. People began to break into smaller friend groups, we started to meet more foreign students to be friends with, and life as we now know was developed.

Along the way, I met Cady. Cady is a Tsinghua doctorate student with a concentration on Marxist Theory. She’s a smart woman, to say the least. I met Cady the second night of my environmental policy class. The main assignment for the class revolved around a group project with a couple Syracuse students and one Tsinghua student who would be auditing the class. In my group was myself, Ryan who is one of my closest friends in the program, and Cady. From the beginning, Ryan and I were both impressed with Cady and even a little intimidated that she was studying in such an intense program at one of the most renowned universities in China. It took about two minutes of talking to realize Cady was basically the nicest, sweet person, with this bubbly personality that made us feel so comfortable with her. We started to sit together during classes and planned to get lunch one Sunday afternoon. When we went to confirm lunch, she said Sunday was actually her birthday but her friends were all going to KTV (China’s karaoke) and was wondering if I’d like to come along. I can never turn down a birthday party, so a couple days later I attended the five hours of nonstop singing. Karaoke in China is a cultural experience everyone must partake in. You get your own room to fit the size of your group, you can order food or drink to be brought in, and with two microphones, a couple tambourines, and a computer system to program all the songs you want to sing, the party can last for hours. Cady’s friends were of no exception. We had food galore and the singing never stopped. Cady and our other classmate, Erin, took turns translating all the songs for me and all the friends encouraged me to sing a few English songs here and there to participate in the fun. It was a great time, and the beginning of a truly enjoyable friendship.

Throughout the semester Cady and hung out about once a week apart from class. We would get lunch at either a place on campus that she chose or an American style restaurant that I would choose off campus. Some weeks were too busy to get together and when we had too much homework to do, we went to the library together. She showed me how hard working all the Tsinghua students are. I felt very cared for when Cady made time for me in her crazy schedule between working downtown twice a week, attending lots of class and lectures, and maintaining a long distance relationship with her fiancé back in the states. In short, this girl is SuperWoman.

A few weeks ago Cady and I were supposed to get dinner. Being the busy girl she is, something else came up. Her very close friend, who she refers to as a brother, had invited her last minute to a fundraiser event downtown. Since he had three tickets, she asked if I could go to that instead of dinner. Very excited and curious to see what this was, I said yes. The event was held at the CCTV building and was a dress rehearsal for the International Children’s Day program they would broadcast across China the next day. The whole show was dedicated to the earthquake victims. As the only foreigner in the audience, I sat and watched as 100 survivors from Sichuan Province came forward as their different stories were told. There were teachers who had lost their own spouses or children but acted bravely for all the students of their schools. There were over 20 middle school students from the epicenter who had to wait for help and walk a long distance to safety. There was a young 13-year-old girl who lost her whole family and was acting as a teacher to younger students at the relief camps in order to keep their daily life going. While on stage, she expressed her dream to be in the People’s army when she was older. Throughout the night famous singers and actors would come out to pay tribute to the earthquake. As the pretty voices would sing famous songs of encouragement, there would be scenes from the earthquake on the big screen behind them. The night was nothing short of emotional and I felt compelled by all the stories of heroism and very honored to be in the presence of so many people who had lost so much but were working to let themselves live on. There was a feeling of excitement for the show, but it was obvious that many of the participants were still in shock and feeling heavy grief being that the quake hit only two weeks earlier. As all the survivors were in bright yellow t-shirts their faces were long and their eyes were tired. They smiled when a touching story was told and chuckled when a cute kid would say something funny, but they had an air of defeat about them. The country was doing all it could to help support, honor, and rebuild their lives, but their loss was huge and these people’s lives will never be the same again. As I sat in the audience and witnessed these emotions and stories being told, I felt honored to be there. And a new sense of pride in China and its determined people.

The more I got to know China, the more I understood Cady; and the more I got to know Cady, the more I understood China. As I mentioned before, I knew so little of China before I came. I knew it was huge, and economically powerful, and that the government was a socialist party referred to as the Communist Party of China. When I came to China I started to see it more realistically instead of just a concept I did not understand. I saw the huge amount of people lining every street doing menial tasks but seemingly happy with their role in the community. I enjoyed the inexpensiveness of life in the city and started to take full advantage of how cheap it was to get around and enjoy myself. I began to understand how people were content with the current government because they were able to enjoy the life they had more than ever before. And I started to see the relationships of the Chinese people with one another. The love and respect for those they considered close friends. Women held hands when they walked, men seemed to embrace more and be less afraid to touch one another, unlike the culture I had come from. Children were at the center of most family’s lives, as it seemed parents put most of their attention toward the child. And I saw that the Chinese people were happy. Cady is only child born under the One-Child Policy. She can make friends with anyone and she told me on the way to KTV that she did not want to be lonely growing up so she always tried to make lots of friends. She has a deep respect for her parents and her country and the fact that she is studying at Tsinghua shows just how important her values are to her to carry out such a daunting course load and amount of work at one of the most prestigious schools in the country, and world. China is working hard, Cady is working hard and with people like Cady looking to contribute to the future of China, I have no doubt that this country will continue to flourish.

This past weekend Cady invited me to her close family friend’s mountain home. This is the same brother that we went to the CCTV event with. From morning until night I was treated not as a stranger, but as a welcomed guest into their home. As their son had told them I am not the biggest fan of Chinese food but do love dumplings, the father had made a point to buy two loaves of Western style bread, with two jars of jam, and a few packs of frozen dumplings. They made me feel comfortable and never out of place. In the afternoon they taught me how to play the famous Chinese game, Mahjong. After a couple hours, I had won a few times and knew the basic strategies. We went for a walk through the mountains and stopped to take pictures along the way. As the parents spoke Chinese, and Cady and her friends spoke English to me, I never felt like a burden to translate to or include, but instead I felt like they enjoyed having me there. After the dinner dishes were washed and the sky was completely dark, it was time to head back to the city. My day in the life of a Beijing family was over and I said my thank yous and good byes to the kind hosts who I would most likely never see again.

That’s what China does. It welcomes you and appreciates your company no matter how long you will be here, how much Chinese you may know or how big of a benefit you will bring to it. In the culture I am used to, we have a tendency to only pay attention to the things we may reap rewards from. Relationships are often formed to climb a ladder of social, business, or political success. Most often, we treat foreigners with a slight accent as annoying since they take up more time trying to understand and it would be a rare occurrence to have a fast food worker patiently wait while someone tried to order in the worst English possible. But China is different. When I go to a supermarket the workers will try to help me, when I go to order food the wait staff is more than patient, and when I go to the mountains with a friend I am treated with love and respect.

I must say as my time abroad is quickly coming to an end, I have become a victim of comparing my experience to other peoples. I look at the weekend travelers who seemed to go to a different city every weekend seeing as much of China as possible. I look at the students who really delve into their Chinese language classes and came out impressively more fluent than the others. I look at some people who made business contacts and plan to start a life up back in China in future years. It’s easy for me to see those people and think that I should have traveled more, or studied a little harder, or introduced myself to more important people. But, that is their experience and this is mine. Every decision I made in China was my own and I am happy with what I have experienced. I have traveled a good enough amount and feel that I know China to some extent while still getting some restful weekends to recharge for classes. I have studied hard and taken new interest in topics I never had before. When signing up for China I had no idea the language portion was such a huge aspect, but I have learned some Chinese and after being only able to say “Ni hao” and “xie xie” before I came, I can now get myself around and feel aware of what is going on around me rather than a helpless foreigner. And I have made lasting relationships with fellow students, and especially with Cady. Cady is better than any future business contact. Whether I come back to spend time working in China or not, I will always have the friendship of Cady and I am confident we will both work at keeping it going no matter where we both are in life. And for this, I am grateful.

I leave China with a huge smile on my face. I am content with both what I have done since I have been here and also the thought of what I will do in my future life because of this experience. There is a popular quote by an Irish novelist named George Moore that goes, “A man travels the world in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.” I’m not sure what I will miss most about China. Other than that it will not be the food! But I know that instead of missing it too much, I will more focus on appreciating it and respecting all the differences that it introduced me to. I have traveled, I have studied, I have made new friends; and now it is time to go back home and let China always be an important part of life to me. What I have learned here is unparallel to any thing I could have learned in a classroom in Chicago. I am leaving China is a more knowledgeable, aware, and grateful person and for that, I am only thankful to this country and the people in it for maximizing my time away from what I always knew as normal.

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