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Published: June 24th 2013
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Phnom Kulen National Park
Doing Recon for ALF trip to Cambodia in October. Beautiful park with virgin forest. I was recently in Bangkok staying with my best friend Patrick who has been living abroad for five years. He was in Beijing for four years and has been in Bangkok for a year now. We were talking about being an expat and what it is like to go home. He said, “When I’m in Atlanta, I think about Bangkok, and when I’m in Bangkok, I think about Beijing and when I’m in Beijing, I think about Atlanta.” This sort of sums it up for me. I’ve made two, soon to be three trips back to Houston since moving to Phnom Penh. Each time I had a great time in Houston and I love almost everything about Houston. But, I did not hesitate for a moment about coming back. Phnom Penh could not be more different but right now it feels equally like my home. Slowly, I’ve found my niche, feel like I’m doing good work and have my regular places to hang out. In many ways, this is equally home now. I think you know you’ve made the switch when if someone told you there was not an option of going back you would be OK with it. That’s where
Ratha and me
Ratha is my assistant. We are standing in the river of 1000 lingas. This is a very sacred river in Cambodia. There are carvings in the river bed that date back almost 1000 years. I am except that I have not been told I can’t go back.
Between now and the middle of August I have to make a decision. Will I stay here and continue the work and life that I started or will I return to Houston, return to ALF, return to friends and family, Costco, Trader Joe’s and the best Tex Mex in the world. If I come back I will repatriate in early May 2014. Jeff graduates in early May and I wouldn’t miss his graduation for anything. In his case, this has been an entire family effort to get him across the stage. He’s in Italy this summer and seems to be having the time of his life. It’s so wonderful to watch my son spread his wings and explore the world. I wonder how he possibly got such an idea? Our semester ends in early April so I will have time to do a little travel in Asia before heading back home. ALF programs start in late May so all of the timing works out. IF.
This may be one of the most difficult decisions I’ve ever made. I have fallen in love with Cambodia and
Waterfall at Phnom Kulen
This is dry season. This will be ragging when ALF group arrives in October. with my students. Two quotes by Oliver Wendell Holmes come to mind right now:
*I would not give a fig for the simplicity this side of complexity, but I would give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity. *A mind stretched by a new idea can never go back to its original dimensions Before I came to Cambodia I knew I wanted to make a difference in the world and I wanted my life to matter for having created something. I know the impact that education has had on my life and I wanted that to be true for others in a place where getting an education was almost impossible. And then I arrived and with my simple mind quickly judged that I would never understand “these people” and “their culture”. Why couldn’t they just talk straight to me and each other? Why do my students cower when they walk by me like I’m a despot? Why was there god knows what sprayed all over the walls in the hallways? They were hopeless and I was without hope.
And then about five months ago I decided to just let go and observe
Kou Sopheap
Venerable Sopheap is one of my Ph.D. students (foreground). He preformed a Buddhist blessing for two friends of mine from the U.S. that are getting married in August. the complexity. I won’t pretend to say that I’m completely on the other side of it but I get that there is something very precious in the hearts of Cambodians. Being here is like having a dog that has been beat too much. You lift your hand to pat him on the head and you might come back with a stub. The dog wants to love, wants to trust but everything in him has told him that to do so is foolish. With patience and over time the dog will come to you. After more time he may let you feed him and only after you’ve proven yourself to be trustworthy do you get the thrill of having him lay his head on your lap and fall asleep knowing that you will not harm. This is the feeling I had when a student told me, “Teacher, I love you. I’ve never had a teacher care for me like you do.” That, I now know, is the simplicity on the other side of complexity.
(Just a note of the dog metaphor. Please do not take it to mean that I think of Khmer people like dogs. If that is your
Dan and Ali
Good luck as you begin your life together. Many blessings. interpretation then you missed the point.)
Maybe you have a glimpse now of why this decision is so heart wrenching. My mother will be 80 in 2015. My son graduates from college next May. I miss the Saints (sorry Texan fans), I miss Christmas and Thanksgiving. I miss springtime and Halloween and rodeo time in Houston. I miss good wine and trips to our family farm in KY. And if I go, I will miss seeing our first Ph.D. students’ graduate. I’ll miss seeing the light go on when my critical thinking undergraduates grasp that an argument can be valid and be flat out wrong. (FYI Validity refers to the correctness of logic, not rightness of the conclusion.) Whatever way this goes, I have a home and a place in the world. I sleep very well.
P.S. I promise pics next time.
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Home and Away
Bob Carlsen
I wouldn't presume to give you advice...
indeed my response reflects the culture of Thailand where I grew up and where my son shared his recent adventure as a teacher of English. Thailand hasn't been through the horrors that Cambodia has...and your beaten dog analogy is great although in Thailand, and perhaps Cambodia, a dog is the lowest form of life...to be compared to a dog is the greatest insult. But it is an appropriate analogy anyway. The problem of teaching in Thailand is that the two words that encapsulate Thai attitudes best are "sanuk" which means fun and "mai ben rai" which means it doesn't matter. So students for the most part want to have fun and nothing matters. They expect, as a part of the concept of saving face to get good grades without putting in any effort. My son had to draw the line somewhere so gave F's to students who never showed up for class. The school expected him to pass everyone else, and even had concerns about the F's. So, as long as your students learn from you, that is a great achievement at least in terms of the Thai culture. You will have to translate that to your situation. Anyway, I look forward to hearing of your decision.