Last week in Phnom Penh, all the sweet sorrow

Hello All,

I am now in Kuala Lumpur and I thought this would be an excellent time to write my last update, just before I arrive home. So what happened in the last week or so. Well not that much, or not that many exciting things for sure. So where to start, ah Kampong Cham, the last few days there, at my Cambodian home, were all about trying to recover of some health problems, which still hasn't worked btw. After a few days of hanging around, we headed of to Phnom Penh on the Wednesday, it was weird the last days in Kampong Cham, knowing I wouldn't be going back to my Cambodian home for quite some time. So there I was in Phnom Penh, with more than a week to kill, i can't say that Phnom Penh is such an exciting place to be for such a long time. Luckily I knew there was something exciting about to happen, someone named Boris would meet me there. So filled with joy and happiness I got up early on Thursday and headed off to see the sights of PP. First i headed off to the royal palace to see the silver pagoda, its beautiful. The area is filled with so many fantastic buildings, and some as you can see on the pictures are slightly out of place. It took me a lot longer than I had anticipated but after walking around there for 2.5 hours admiring all the buildings and paintings I thought it was time to move to the next part of my tour, the national museum, more statues and images from the temples, all in all I was more impressed with the building than with the exhibition. That might have to do with the fact that I had an overkill of Angkorian art during my time at the Angkor temples. After looking around there for about an hour, I decided it was time to go for a little walk, the drinks were very expensive at the museum, probably due to the fact that most visitors are westerners. I had refused to pay that so I had to wait till I was outside. Luckily as I was walking around, I can make myself clear in Khmer and explain what I want, and mainly negotiate a price (I am not really that good at it, I am too soft hearted). So I had a lovely sugarcane drink on the market for just 0,10€. Not something to complain about is it. While I was continuing my walk, I ran into another traveller, called Matthew, and we talked for a little while, and had a drink together. After that we parted our ways, but only for a little while. I went to visit the Tuol sleng Museum, the infamous S21 prison, torture centre of the Khmer Rouge. Matthew went to the National Museum, and we decided to meet again at the riverside to have dinner.

While I was at the Tuol Sleng Museum I did not take any pictures, mainly because the images will forever be burned into my mind. All the faces of the victims its horrifying, the feeling you get there is one that is hard to share, it really shows how horrible people can be to one another, and how much the people suffered here. It is important to remember that the people did not suffer for only the 4 years the khmer rouge was in power, but also the years before that and the 10 years after. These people who look so happy and content with their lives, no matter how poor they are, will always be richer in spirit than I could ever be. It is sad to read the messages that people leave behind in the museum, words as 'never again'. Do people not realize that there are still people *missing* and tortured everyday??

After this it was time to breathe again, freshen up and head for dinner. I managed to see Boris online for 5 minutes, but unfortunately Cambodian internet is very unreliable, so we were cut off before we could make arrangements to meet, maybe the next day? I had a wonderful dinner with Matthew on the riverside, he was a funny guy from Canada travelling south east asia, and he had many interesting stories to tell. I guess that’s the really cool part of travelling, there are so many interesting people around. Other than that the evening was uneventful.

Friday morning I got up early, and went to the *killing field*, the execution grounds of prison S21. It looks so peaceful, so green, almost park like. But how horrible the stories and the markings are, the tree where babies heads were beaten against until they died, the pots of bones just scattered around, the little pieces of clothes that are still laying around, clothes that belonged to the people who were found there. But of course most famous the piles with skulls arranged by age and sex. A little down I came back to the centre of Phnom Penh, and went on the Internet hoping to find some good news.
This time I was lucky and I met Boris online, and 15 minutes later we met up at another internet cafe (geesh sometimes I am even startled with my enthusiasm and spontaneity, moving so fast). First we had some lunch, after which we headed off into town, there wasn't much to do, so we just walked around, browsing around the markets, including the shopping centre were all wealthy people go. In the evening we went to a wonderful restaurant. This is something I will miss at home, the life outside, the buildings are all open here, as we set out on the pillows on a balcony, enjoying life. In the end it wasn't too late before I headed back to my guesthouse, and Boris and I decided to meet up again the next day. Not too early we met, but I still managed to get on time, even though i was trying to be fashionably late, but its hard to predict the traffic in PP. What to do this day, well in the end we went for a massage, the first real one I ever had, and apparently my shoulders were very much in need of such a treat, because they were being done 3 times in that hour. It was done by blind people, who are trained, and its a way for them to make a living, so other than that they were really good, we were helping out less privileged people in Cambodia. In Cambodia as soon as you are handicapped you are left to a life of begging if you are unlucky. After the massage we felt very relaxed and headed over to Boris guesthouse, just kicking back and watching some movies. In the evening we went out for dinner again (well that is something which I did practically every day for 3 months, so it really isn't that special) but it was the last evening we spend together, and saying goodbye after it was surprisingly hard.
That’s another thing that will stay with me, the ease with which you meet people and then say your goodbyes, so many fleeing contacts, and always leaving with the wonder if you will ever hear from them again. The idea of never seeing some wonderful people again is what makes it so hard. And once again it has been proven, how quickly I can attach myself to people, and how it hurts me to let them go.
But back to the story, on sunday Boris had left, and I spend most of the time in my room, feeling utterly miserable, but after a few hours, I kicked myself and told myself to get moving, because staying there wasn't going to help me make new friends. So as I walked around, stretching my legs, I once again realized how much at ease I was feeling here in Phnom Penh. The traffic had first frightened me half to death, but now I was as much part off it as any other khmer people, no need to cross at pedestrian crossings or wait for the traffic light to turn green. It is best to go when there is a gap in the river of traffic, but in case there isn't, just move very slowly, and the traffic will just move around you. I doubt it would work in the Netherlands, and I am not yet crazy enough to try it out I think.
In the evening I met up with Jaco, he was in Phnom Penh, and I took the opportunity to say my goodbyes and give him some of the pictures I had made during the time he and Simon came to visit me in Sihanoukville.
On monday, again I did not do so many things, just hanging around, buying presents for everyone, in the evening Simon had invited me to have dinner at a friends place, which I was very grateful for, spending some time at a real khmer family, enjoying a real khmer dinner. Tuesday I met Simon for lunch, and we made plans for our last evening together in Cambodia, which would the wednesday. Again i headed off to scroll around the centre of Phnom Penh, knowing my hours were becoming less and less in this beautiful country. Later in the afternoon I went to meet François to wrap up my stay in Phnom Penh, and he was very pleased about my results, and I was very happy that he was pleased, as it is always nice when someone tells you, you did a good job.
On wednesday Simon came to pick me up right on time, and we headed off to *le royal* hotel. This is also the place where the movie the killing fields started, and it has a very colonial feeling to it, of course it also means the drinks are very expensive, but in the evenings it is 2 drinks for the price of 1 (you are dutch or you aren't), so in the end the cocktails weren't that expensive. It was fun being so extremely decadent, all the more, because you are in the heart of phnom penh, but there are no khmer people enjoying the place. After a few cocktails, I was feeling very happy, and we headed off to the foreign correspondents club or FCC, where we had an expensive (for khmer standard) dinner. Lounging upstairs on the balcony overlooking the riverside with all its drunk and young wealthy khmer people. It was great, I had a good time, though sad by its unavoidable departure. But before that happened there was still thursday. Oie came back from Bangkok, and because simon had to work I met her and her aunt at my guesthouse, after catching up, I showed her all my pictures, and by that time Simon was already coming back from work. Simon and I headed off to eat some lunch, and Oie and her aunt took a rest. It was wonderful spending a few more hours with my big brother, I am going to miss him so much, he took really good care of me, teasing as much as any of my real brothers.
Well the next day it was time to leave, and it fell me hard, as I got onto the plane in Phnom Penh, a tear rolled down my cheek, a prayer was send up, hoping that this empowering feeling I found here, will last me a long time, and that this feeling of happiness and joy may never leave me.

Looking back at the 3 months, Cambodia has been the perfect experience for me. I know that I am the same person I have always been, but a little stronger than I left. I learned so much, experienced even more. However I could not have done it without the help of some very special people, both personally and professionally. This is a time which I will treasure for always, but I hope this is only the start of all my adventures. Now that I know I can adapt to another environment and find my place in it, I know I can do it for longer periods of time.

When I left I dreaded the feeling of graduating, life is predictable as a student, and graduation would lead to this unknown gap, a big black hole, trying to suck you in, and drown you. But now I think it is wonderful, so many unexpected yet wonderful things happened here that for once I am not afraid, quite the opposite, it is very exciting. I do not know what will happen once I return and finish University, but no matter what it is, I will make it into something great.

Well here my report finishes of my trip to Cambodia, on the airport in Kuala Lumpur, I doubt anything exciting will happen over the next 20 hours, but I do now that in 20 hours i'll be home.

I want to thank everyone who has shown their support through the many messages and emails everyone send, please do not stop now that I will be home!!! Talk to you all very soon. With Love

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