"Do NOT go out at night alone with a boy!"

As if figuring out all the unwritten dating rules of an American teenager isn't enough of a challenge, Jaz has to figure out the cultural norms of dating in Cambodia. And I can tell you this much: she cannot go out at night alone with a boy. It just isn't done. It would be like showing up at school naked or something; it is just that unthinkable.

She has been spending some time with a nice young man named Borey (or Borei, depending on how you feel like spelling it that day.) He is nineteen years old and works at one of the big tourist hotels on the airport road. We have spent some time with him and made the following observations:

• He is a walking encyclopedia. When discussing holidays, he can not only tell us when the French colonized Cambodia and when and how they left (all in relation to Cambodia's Independence Day holiday on November 9th), he can also tell us about the origins of Halloween in the US and where it came from and when. We are totally taking this guy to Trivia Night at the Funky Monkey on Thursday; we're bound to win
  
• He works very hard to make a good impression on us, calling us "Sir" and "Madame" and watching us carefully, sometimes even imitating our behavior. When Steve took photos of our food one day at lunch, Borei pulled out his cell phone and did the same, and then did it again the next time we ate together. His eagerness must cause him a certain amount of anxiety because he tends to giggle quite a bit (in a charming way) but according to Jaz, he does it less when we're not around.
  
• He's a technical whiz with the cell phones. When I admired a photo on his phone of Angkor Wat, he promptly figured out how to transfer it to my phone via BlueTooth. I didn't even know my phone had BlueTooth. (I also think he texts Jaz quite often.)
  
• He's really, really cute
  
• But she cannot go out at night alone with him!

The general rules of the house and the family had been broadly defined long ago: Jaz could have friends come here but a boy could never go to her room. Going out somewhere with a boy hadn't really been addressed, so we all set about trying to figure out the rules. In the course of one afternoon, Jaz and Mim talked with Ponheary, Jaz and Mim and Steve and I talked with Lori, I talked with Marina, and Mim and Jaz set off on a mission to talk to the friendly 22-year-old waiter at Home Cocktail Restaurant, Dara. Under the pretense of "trying to learn about the lives of Cambodian teenagers" Mim quizzed Dara about alcohol, drugs, and dating. She asked him, "Will Cambodian boys hurt Jaz?" and he smiled and assured her that yes, they would. She asked again and was again reassured that she could count on it. Eventually, it was determined that he didn't actually understand the question, and when he realized what she was asking, he assured that they probably woud not hurt Jaz, but it wouldn't be right for her to go out at night with a boy. He also assured Jaz that he would protect her and she could call him any time.

Ponheary told us that she liked having Jaz in the house rather than having a teenage boy because Jaz would never get in trouble (or go out at night alone with a boy.) Lori's words of wisdom included a reminder that even a "nice" boy in Cambodia has very different expectations about boundaries and a woman's right to say no. Marina's version was that a boy might only want Jaz's money or "if she sleep with him, she get depression. Or HIV."

So, the rules seem to be that Jaz can spend time with Borei at the house or in a public place during the day, maybe at the house in the evening in a public space where everyone can see them, but she cannot go out at night alone with a boy. We got it now.

Before we straightened out all the rules, Jaz had made a plan to go to Borei's house at 6pm. What did it mean that he had even asked her to do such a thing??? Then she remembered that he had asked only to get together and she had suggested 6pm. Apparently, he had even responded to the 6pm suggestion with some surprise, asking her, "Not earlier?" Whew; maybe he's nice boy after all.

She had no qualms about calling him to cancel the 6pm date and they rescheduled for earlier in the day. After some time together at the Lucky Mall eating gelato, the kids joined Steve and Lori and me for some chicken wings on the roof of a downtown bar-restaurant. There Borey and Steve played pool (Borey won easily) and foosball (Steve got his revenge) and we enjoyed the evening breeze.

And it was OK for Jaz to be out at night with Borei - she had three chaperones!

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