Mandalay: Trishaw Hate

Whoop Whoop, next stop...Mandalay, Myanmar's second city. After almost a week all alone I was looking forward to finding some westerners to socialize with. There are really so few backpackers here in Myanmar!

So you step off the bus to be swamped by leech-like touts clambering over each other to get some of your business. At this point you know there is no way to get out of the "new-guy-in-town" fees...I chose self humiliation and went with the good old trishaw (a bicycle with sidecar...i.e. sooooo slow) since it was the cheapest option. I have to say though the driver earned every kyat with each drop of sweat, it looked like he had just come out the shower. With the roads being in such a poor condition you go so slow on these things you could literally crawl faster :D If you ever go to Mandalay or Burma for that matter, know that the best option is always the pick-up....they're your only friends when it comes to transport.

Since my option for Guest House was fully booked it meant having to stay at the Nylon Hotel and being lumped on the 5th floor - yes that is the roof!

Good views though I suppose, even if it did mean sweating through to my underpants just to get to the room. When it came to breakfast this place is the worst, I swear the waiters are retarded (not very pc but thats how strongly I felt!). Every morning I got milk which was off (the ONLY place in Burma which doesn't have some damn milk powder...trust me when it comes to fresh milk here you will swear by milk powder too) and actually had lumps. So I obviously complained 'cos there is no way I'm taking this awful smelling sh!t. He turns around and acts like he's never seen milk thats gone off in his life, he says its normal for milk to be like this...f&@cking idiot. There was nothing that wasn't funky in this place! Ants on tables and fruit, cold toast, luke warm coffee....they shouldn't even bother.

Since the prospect of chilling out at the Nylon seemed about as much fun as jumping from the 5th floor you just have to rent a bike. Its definitely the best way to go around Mandalay, especially since you get to boycott the $10 government fee. In just a single day I got around the city and see all I wanted, especially as it didn't turn out the way I thought it would. The only westerner I met was this Ozzy called Dave who'd just come out of hospital and was pretty high on pain killers so therefore was not likely he was gonna be coming for some beers.

Amarapura was pretty amazing, a quiet town found 11 km outside of Mandalay. Home to the worlds longest teak bridge (1.2 km people! makes me wonder though, is it not probably the only one?) which was built over 200 years ago. The setting couldn't have been more peaceful with people & monks strolling by the area to the songs of the birds in the tree. Man this was an awesome place to chill out. The locals here were pretty awesome too with exception of those damn hawkers trying to sell you womens necklaces...

Mandalay Hill was also something else, with only 1700+ steps to the top with various temples and Buddha images to overlook your ascent. Fortunately my daily 5 floor hike to my room meant I was cruising to the top, breezing past all those fat American package tourists tempting fate and a possible heart attack. The way up is littered with souvenir shops (again those damn lacquer coasters!!) and food stalls to keep you entertained when you run out of breath.
When you reach the top though...wow. A skyline view of Mandalay is in store (not that there are any tall buildings here) with the added bonus of an amazing sunset. It was setting just as I reached the top and everything the suns rays touched immediately started glowing different shades of gold. The river, the fields, the mountains the gold leaf pagodas. It was incredible. I finally knew what people were referring to in calling Myanmar the golden land.

The Hill and Amarapura have a kind of unique power to keep you in a trance & admiring just how beautiful the natural world can be. In places like this monks and faithful pilgrims are never out of sight and add to the magic of the moment. People praying on the various intervals during the climb offering incense and other goods, although I never did understand why people offer things like toilet paper & bathroom bleach to these Buddha images...

It quickly becomes dark as night time approaches in as there are no street lights to be found, it was time for the mighty "Moustache Brothers" troupe. "Just who are they?" I hear you ask. Comedians, yay. Not just any comedians though, these guys have experienced first hand just how volatile it can get when you tell jokes in such a repressed military government run country. Par Par Lay and Lu Zaw both served jail time after they were arrested for criticizing the government at a show for Aung San Suu Kyi, the daughter of Burma's late national hero, who herself was put under house arrest after her party won the last elections in 1989, but the government refused to hand over power. Imagine that, 7 years prison and forced labour for telling some jokes!

As a result they are now only allowed to perform to foreigners, never again in original language or let alone in public. Its led them to perform in the front room of their own home to the handful of tourists that turn up. They are amazingly interesting characters and you will learn a lot by simply stopping for a chat during the day or by going to one of their shows at night. A small donation of $5 gets you into one of their shows, all I can say is if you find yourself in Mandalay you should definitely go and support these guys. They want to explain to you the hardships the everyday Burman goes through and would like you to help them spread the message out in the Western world.
Where it was once Par Par Lay, Lu Maw has now taken the lead act as he is the only one able to speak English to a level where he can tell jokes. He's a proper legend and tells jokes as if he's overdosed on speed.

It would have been a perfect getaway when I was leaving Mandalay if it hadn't of been for the dick head of a trishaw driver that convinced me to get off the pick up and take me to the bus station. Not even to blocks down he started complaining how he thought his trishaw was broken and headed to the main road to drop me off so I could get on a pick up. It nearly lead to me missing my f@#king bus so you will understand if I say I started swearing and shouting at him, especially after he had the f&*king nerve to ask to be paid 2 thirds the price. 2 F*&$ING BLOCKS MAN, ARE YOU JOKING!?! So as a massive crowd started to gather around a nervous looking white guy they started to laugh...man it was frustrating. I never paid him, lazy get. It was blatantly cos he couldn't handle the load that he made up his trishaw was broken.

Peace and Love

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