Madness escalates...

Sunday

I woke up terrified, today was not going to be a good day, I already had a sickening feeling right down in the pitt of my stomach, one that I couldn't shake off. My head was buzzing with questions, 'was I really ready to do this? Was I mad? Was I even going to go through with it? I had jumped out of a plane but could I really plunge 111m head first over Vic. Falls????

I didnt want to admit it but I was very afraid, I didnt have to admit it because people took one look at me and knew instantly. A big group of us were going to the Falls, to the Bridge that crosses the gorge and is exactly on the border between Zambia and Zimbabwe and just happens to be 364ft high!
Most of them were adrenaline junkies and were excited at the prospect of the bungee jump?! Their words of encouragement didnt seem to reduce the sick feeling I had or stop my mind from racing.
We signed our lives away together and one by one jumped on the electronic scales, each of us having our number and weight branded on our forearms before walking down to the bridge.
I couldnt face looking over the edge, I had that feeling where if I was to look I was scared something would fall off me and I would just be left watching it fall down into the water. I didnt want to see anything fall liet alone a person, but from this tiny plateform suspended over the edge bodies were dropping like flys and piercing screams could be heard.
Fear started to take control of me, I was on edge so much my eyes were welling up and a few tears escaped. But being really stuborn and not wanting to waste the money I just handed over I slowly slide the harness on.
Now about that money, to do just the jump was $105 but to do a jump, a gorge swing and a zip wire was $125, and obviously not being in the right mind and following the crowd i agreed to do all 3! Why I dont know, it seemed quite clearly to be the better deal, but what I didnt think about was what I was actually paying for- to jump off brigdes above roaring water just metres from the Falls.

The harness on, I knew I wouldnt take it off, I really wasnt a person to turn back, to undo things, and I know that I would always regret not doing it. I was there and it was now or never. The friends I was with gave me some essential support, a few big hugs from big guys and an awesome pep talk from Amanda a spiritual enthusiastic girl. I could see in a few peoples faces they were thinking that I wasnt going to do it, that I would back out and for a while I thought I would, I would hate myself even if I was trembling head to foot, sweating, crying, plae as a ghost I absolutley had to prove to myself that I could do this.

I took the tiniest bit of courage and had and seized it, climbed through the bridge fence and onto the suspended plateform. I quickly sat down, terrified because I hadnt been connected yet. As the guy wrapped a thick towel between my feet I wanted to know everything about what to do, but they weren't so helpful, they joked around that it was their first few days on the job and he wasnt really sure what he was doing! I slapped him on the leg, I was out of my mind petrified and that certainly wasnt helping.
I had to waddle to the edge- I wasnt bunny hopping like they suggested.

Then there it was, the edge. The drop. The biggest drop ive ever stood at the edge of with nothing in front of me but air. Far below me was a raging river, being at a 50 year water high currents were the strongest ever so even if I was to fall I would drown. There was literally no way to survive if...
I really shouldnt have been thinking that but I couldnt help it. I prayed to God. If this was it I wanted to say thanks. In my mind this was a suicide attempt that I hoped would massively fail.
My hands literally shaking uncontrollably, I screamed at myself- I was going to do this.
The guy behind me started to count down.
5...
4..
I knew that if I didnt go at one I would never go
3..
I screamed the next two numbers myself
2...
1...

My body had lent forward, gone too far and at that point everything froze, the view infront of me was imprinted in my mind then,I was plumeting, soaring head first towards the water. It raced up to me quickly. My stomach was left behind and my body frozen rigid in the same position. Then still very frozen my body jolted and the water as quickly as it came was gone, I was back almost to where I started and then wind rushing past I was bouncing down and spinning, arms still held outstretched the view of the gorge was rotating, twisting from side to side, the water at angles I knew werent possible.
My feet started to feel loose in the towel, starting to slip and move around! If my feet came loose I would definatley fall, I gripped so hard trying to pull them up towards my shins. The fear still hadnt left, I was still bouncing and still extremely high up in the air. As I started coming to a halt I heard voices up above me, breaking my hold I looked up to see a man hoisting himself down towards me. He yelled something and for a moment I didnt think I could respond, but I managed "please get me down!"

Oh how wrong I was, I wasn't going down for a very long time. In fact he was taking me up, back up to the bridge. Heights werent something I suddenly had gotten over, I was still very frightened of the drop as I clung to him. When we reached the bridge edge just below the plateform I had to climb back over the fence! Not something I was expecting and certainly didnt enjoy. I didnt set foot on solid ground until I had manovered my way along the plateforms underneath the top of the bridge and climbed a ladder in the process!

Ok so I had done it, I had jumped the 3rd highest in the world bungee and well..survived! I was still scarred, still full of fear and my body still felt frozen even though I was rushing back to be with the others.
The gorge swing awaited me, but I couldn't face it again, the same plateform, the same height, the same fall the only thing that wasn't the same was that it wasn't heads first, you jumped and right at the end were pulled up by the torso and swung through the gorge.
Again stubborness prevailed, I had paid and therefore was doing it but luckily my amazing friend Amanda agreed to do a Tandem. She had been scared as well and after the bungee she said she couldnt face it again. But together we seemed to get pysched up. We were attached to the cord and harnessed together, we had to run off the end of the plateform but just before she turns to me, the look on her face most likely reflecting mine.
"Are we going to do this?" she asked me, but I could hear the hesitance in her voice.
"yes?" I replied as a question rather than a statement.
But the count down had begun and well I had to go and therefore so did she.
We were both moving and took one last step together and then a huge drop down and down.
I felt like further than before, the rope didnt seem to pull for ages, but when it did my neck cracked back and our legs swung out in front of us. After the original shock, we both screamed and laughed and waved about at the others back on the bridge. It helped so much being with another person and again as we were towed back up to the bridge the height was overwhelming and climbing back over the bridge's edge freaked me out but just like before I was stunned at what I had just done.

All day nothing could excite me or scare me, my emotions were run dry, that and the fact that I was in shock. It was all very vivid to me, the view and the emotions felt but I just couldn't quite believe what had happened. It was like a very real nightmare and in fact that night whilst trying to get to sleep the motions keep running in my head, the images were there as soon as I shut my eyes and I felt like I was falling again and again. I had been such a long day and I was utterly exhausted but terrified at the same time of reliving the experience in my head.
Eventually I feel asleep, an end had come to one of the madess days of my life.

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