Published: June 20th 2010June 20th 2010
Who could hate this?
Ever think something to yourself and then realize if you said it aloud people would just think you were an awful person? No? Hmm. Yeah... happens to me all the time. Since it's not like this is on the internets for everyone to see or anything, here are some of the things I have thought about recently that make me think I may be an awful person.
1) I hate dogs
: I think this to myself about every 3 minutes when the dog who inhabits the same living space as me comes searching for attention. Seriously, all I ever do is ignore the dog and ask it to leave me alone but the thing follows me around like I have salami stashed in my back pocket. We took it on a walk today - AT NOON. Do you know how hot it is at noon in Uganda? HOT. As we walked along the streets all these other guard dogs starting barking at us through the fences. What did I think to myself? I thought, man, I really hate dogs. Who hates dogs right? An awful person.
2) Screaming children make me want to lose it
: Ever get on an airplane, realize someone has a newborn and curse not so subtly under your breath? I do, every time. In fact, until recently children in general gave me the hibbie jibbies. It seems that my maternal instinct may be kicking in as I find some exceptionally cute children bearable. Today for example, I was at the country club sitting pool side (life is very hard) and I saw some kids playing and I thought, "hey - they are kind of cute, look at those little rug rats horsing around." Then one slipped on the pool deck and started to cry and I immediately hated him. Didn't he know I was trying to read?! Who hates small children in pain? An awful person.
3) Speaking of people slipping and falling, I almost always think that people slipping is hilarious. I don't think this raises to the level of Awful Person as it seems most people love watching other people get hurt (America's Funniest Home Video, YouTube) and I slip all the time and think it is equally hilarious.
As I type the dog is sitting next to me panting like an idiot. If only dogs could read, if only.
Before I reveal anything to awful I'm going to sign off with this question: What makes YOU an awful person?
(I don't like to thing I am alone in this).
Until next times folks, I bid you adieu.