the story so far...

Brr ! I think we are having an early onslaught of winter! Outside the wind is blowing and it's been raining on and off since this morning and I am inside cuddled with a blanket, coffee and my laptop... It's a pity the cookies are finished, they would have made a good addition to this situation ;-)

...

Well, when I came back from Australia 4 months ago, I had very little idea of what was in store for me here. I knew I wanted to start dancing again (which I did....I now do ballet 3 times a week with my mom, who is a ballet teacher)...
As I prayed about what God wanted, a friend prayed with me and God gave him a picture of a ship that is at the drydocks for repairs and improvements. I felt that this is what God wanted for me in this season and for that reason I stopped looking into possibilities of getting back onto the mission field immediately. As I look back on these months, I can already see how He has brought things and people into my life to shape me, teach me and in other areas of my life is pruning things away that is unnecessary and contrary to His purpose (John 15:1-16)

A while after I came back, after prayer, I went to a small church in Mosselbay (the first on my list of possible churches to get involved in) After being greeted enthusiastically by the third person at the door (who happened to be the pastor) I was sure that I have found a home. Afterwards I introduced myself, told them a bit about Australia and from there on I was apart of it. About three weeks later, I offered to help out with some admin during the week and I got myself a job! Now I work there once a week and help out during the service as well. The best part about the job is that I get to spend a lot of time with the pastor and his wife and I see how they live their lives and run their ministry. This is transforming my ideas about discipleship and I am definitely being "built up and improved". Through working with them I am learning so much about what it means to be in longterm ministry and what it means to love and serve people.

Another cool thing, is that I get to do a lot of courses. One of the courses that I attended, which meant a lot to me is called "Loveless Trauma" (maybe lack of love is a better translation...) and is about deliverance. This is something that I have learned a lot about as well, and I feel in a way that God has even prepared me in Australia to be able to help people in this way. A short testimony: one Thursday a couple came to see the pastor, I was working that day, so he asked me to sit in as he talked to them. The man had tears in his eyes. He started to tell us how they were going through financial difficulties and tough times and how he was at a place where he longed to pray to God but he just didn't know how. He felt like there was a wall between him and God. The pastor listened for a while and then took him and his wife through deliverance ( basically repenting their sins and forgiving people who had hurt them and through that breaking any hold that Satan may have had over them ) At the end, him and his wife were smiling from ear to ear from the load that has lifted off their shoulders. The pastor then asked them if they wanted to receive Jesus and they did. From that day I have seen the couple at church and some courses and every time I see them, they are beaming! They are not the same people who walked into that room that day. Praise God, He alone is able to completely change people!

In between church and dancing I also work at a movie rental store. This has also come as a blessing, because it is something I really enjoy and I get to meet a lot of people in our town and area.

I must say between church and work I do have a weird routine and sometimes I find myself longing for time on my own to study or to walk at the beach, but I guess it's all about time management in the end, so that is something I am working on...

Personally I am challenged to really apply the Bible in my life and to read it with more understanding. This has motivated me to really read verse by verse and search out the deeper meaning and the context and it has been a blessing as God shows me more and more of His heart. Daily I find that , as a very wise lady at our church said, building the Word into your life is hard work...but more and more I am finding it really is worth it!

The future for me? I have no idea. I am here now...and I know I am supposed to be here. I do know that my heart still moves in me whenever I hear of missions, especially the unreached, and maybe God will be gracious to me to release me into that field again....but for now, I rest in Him.

The prayer of Thomas Merton, still stays with me;

My Lord God
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following
your will does not mean
that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that my desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope that I have that desire
in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything
apart from that desire.
And I know that if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always
though I may seem to be lost
and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear,
for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me
to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton (1915-1968)

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