The one where I want to quit

Notice: I write my postings in the comfort of my own home so I don’t have to watch 20 year old bumsters talk to their 70 year old tourist girlfriends through Skype at the internet café. Also, the internet is too slow and frustrating to stay on it for very long. Thus, you may have noticed I post several entries at one time- they are not necessarily to-the-day-current. My life isn’t THAT exciting that all of these things can happen in one day…

Smoking is an enjoyable past time, but also a strange habit. Why do people start smoking, and why do they stay there? I started smoking about three years ago (although I was an “undercover” smoker at the time) due to a boat load of stress that had piled on my life all at one time. My friend at work told me that smoking is a great method for stress management. At that time, it was a way of reminding myself that I was breathing, and I was alive despite the way I felt inside. Being naïve and desperate, I bought my first pack of smokes. I have a long line of smokers in my family, so it didn’t seem out of the ordinary that I started. I also have a long line of smoking related deaths in my family, so it also seemed a bit odd that I ignored all the truths about smoke damage and chugged away anyhow. My brother smokes his weight in tobacco everyday, so I instantly had a smoker’s alliance. I stopped for a while, but then got right back on the saddle. Smoking is abundant in Africa; smokes are cheap and it is acceptable to smoke just about anywhere. Gambian ladies do not smoke though, as it is thought to be a trait of a whore. White women are also seen as loose, so I’m pretty much screwed in the Gambian morality department. Most of my American friends also smoke here. The social aspect of smoking is what has kept me at a pack a day. It had been a sad realization for me that the quality of my breathing is directly related to how much I smoke in a day. My friend, her husband, and I valiantly tried to quit at the end of March, and failed miserably. Non-smokers are not very sympathetic with just how hard it is to quit. If I wasn’t completely addicted, or it was “easy to quit”, I would have already done so. I’ve attempted about 4 quits in my span of smoking, obviously all have failed. When I came home from Africa last year, I was greeted by my daddy, and a pack of Nicorete quit smoking gum. I found about 3 ashtrays full of butts and about 10 empty packs in my house while cleaning and was troubled. Not only was I cleaning, but I realized how much I smoke, and both were completely disturbing. I’m pretty sure I need to quit, and feel slightly inclined to do it, but I can’t get over the hurdle to do so. Suggestions and encouragement are welcomed by my readers… you should take advantage of this, I’m opening up my life to instruction from others which doesn’t happen very often!

Quote of the post:
“She smokes a pack a day, wait that’s me but anyway, she doesn’t care a thing about it, she thinks I’m beautiful.” Train (Meet Virginia)

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