Complete and utter shock

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Hi everyone
Well, this message is one that I'm sure none of you are expecting... I sure wasn't! Well, without going into too much detail I will cut right to the chase.

I am coming home.

For good.

In two weeks.

So there you have it! I guess I'm no good at suspense... Things here have taken a very unexpected turn which I can't explain without swearing a lot. Basically, just know that our company has decided that my presence here is no longer required as we're going to scale back our social operations. I am not out of work, though. I'll take up my post in Ottawa and work from there, managing our well-drilling initiative and developing some social policy. It's a good deal for me. I get to be home early, I get to be with my family and friends, I get to be home for the WHOLE Scottish season!

But I'm still disappointed. Heartbroken. I feel like I've had the rug pulled out from under me in a very cruel way. Just when I was starting to feel good and stable, my whole world has been turned upside down again and I'm left to sort it out. I am so tired of starting over... True, starting over in Ottawa is not the same as starting from scratch somewhere else. But appreciate that moving countries with 2 weeks notice is not an easy thing. And having your dream pulled away early is even harder.

The more I think about this change in my situation, the more ok I become with it. At first I really resisted it, but I see that it's not so bad. Work-wise, it could have been a lot worse. I was worried I'd been called back to replace the secretary! --Just for the record, I would have quit had that been the case.-- But the emotional stuff is just not as easily mastered by logic. I want to stay here, and I can't; it's just as simple and childish as that. I'm mad that I'm not getting my way and that my plan has been interrupted without consulting me first. As someone who is used to getting their way, you can't imagine how I struggle with this lack of control over my life.

In addition, there's the abrupt shift to saying goodbye to everyone... When I told Guy this morning, I am not ashamed to admit that I had tears in my eyes. He and others (Melanie, Severine, M-C, etc) have been so much a part of my happiness here; I don't want to be away from them. I know this industry is small and we will almost definitely meet again (if not work together at some point), but as I said before, this is not about making a logical argument. It's about feeling robbed and disappointed, and pouting about it for awhile.

But tomorrow will be better, and the day after that will probably be better than that. I need to think about what this change brings that's POSITIVE into my life, rather than thinking about what I'm losing by leaving. I will attempt to make a list. Please use your comments to add to this:

-big hugs whenever I want (except from LK of course)
-playing a full summer season with the Scots
-planting summer veggies with Julia, which actually means playing with Pheonix while Julia plants
-ribs, lasagna, and all other goodness that is home cooking 😊
-being able to attend Dave and Melissa's wedding in May
-having my own place again, including privacy and food that is not fried or covered in oil!
-getting away just in time to miss the hottest time of year in Burkina (regularly over 45 degrees)
-being in a country where stuff WORKS and people don't offer to marry you at every turn

Anyway, there you have it. I'll be kissing all this African craziness goodbye soon. I want you all to know that you've been amazing at helping me get through the challenges inherent in this adventure, so THANKS! I mean it!

Until next time...
xoxo
Brownie

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Photos

This truck is movin' out!
I hope I get to ride inside instead of on top...

Comments

[Julia]

Welcome home!! (soon)
Wow, well now you'll be able to - come see Iolanthe live! - enjoy the last (best) bits of winter and maybe skate on the canal - wear your heels and get dressed up for work - take up biking in Gatineau park - photograph the beginning of spring - unlimited water for hot showers and baths - and hottubs

[Jackie Oh!]

It's a set up!
Hey Linds, It'll be good to have you home. I somehow think that this is a set up for your next big adventure...and you KNOW it's coming. You may not know what it is, but you surely will experience it...cuz that's what you're all about...BIG adventure. Love Jackie Oh!

[Stue]

Stay safe
It will be nice to see you. Stay fit, fast and strong.

[Hans/Frans]

add to the list
another thing to add to the list (and it is the most important I might add): being reunited with Hans/Frans!!! xoxox

[Tom]

wow
That sure is shocking Lindsey! Stay positive!

[Bud & Gail]

Whoopie!!!
We will be able to see you again after a whole year. I know we have been able to talk periodically, but it will sooooo nice to be able to see you in person and give you a great bit hug and kiss. Can't wait until the weather breaks so we can see you again.

[mom & dad]

see you soon
.. and there is tonnes of chopping and stacking to be done!!!! and you get to eat great chicken breasts the size of ........African Chickens!!Linds, everything happens for the best..... no matter how difficult it seems at the time...We will ALL be glad to see you. xoxoxoxox mom -

[wanda]

:)
Brownie's coming home!!!!!!!!!!!!