A marathon post about a marathon bus ride

Short version: Lonely Planet India failed us again. We planned our itinerary based on a magical six hour bus between Udaipur and Agra that they listed. When we went to book, that same trip actually was listed as 13.5 hours from 5:30PM to 7:00AM. We decided that we could handle that, but with an upgrade to sleeper class. The actual journey took close to 22 hours with two buses, and we met a lot of interesting characters.

Long version: After a day of sweatwalking through steaming Udaipur and still sopping from getting stuck in an sudden downpour (hello, monsoon gods? You're late), we arrived sticky and smelly at the bus station. I learned that the bus was toilet-free and frantically ran around the block looking for anything resembling a loo. The ground was covered in deep, foul-smelling mud (from the freak deluge), and my flip-flop clad feet were soon black. A nice shop owner called me over and poured a bucket of water down my legs to rinse me off, but offered no guidance on a toilet location.

Back at the bus station, the attendant eased my fears by promising me a stop at another station in just 2K. Steve and I waited another fifteen or so minutes until a man appeared out of the alley, grabbed our tickets, and gestured for us to follow. He galloped between lanes of traffic, through more mud patches, and up some rather sketchy streets before finally delivering us to a very broke-down bus.

We apprehensively boarded and pushed our way to our "sliper" compartment...which turned out to be a short and narrow bunk hanging above the seated passengers. There was no room to sit so we spread our sleep sacs (great wedding present!), and plopped on our stomachs for a long journey.

We were the only Westerners, and I was one of only a couple of women so we were subjected to curious peepers sliding open our compartment door frequently.

Two kilometers came and went, then twenty, then two hours. I was starting to get desperate when the bus finally stopped. I ran off and found the bathroom in this dark, deserted town. When I emerged a minute later, our bus was gone. I sprinted to the street but saw no sign of it. A teenage boy started waving madly and running, so I followed him and we caught up to the bus. I told Steve there's easier ways to get rid of me than bribing the driver to take off and swore not to step foot off the bus again.

Once I was settled back in our compartment, I dozed off for a bit but was awakened by a horrific explosion. The bus lurched to a stop and we saw liquid gushing across the road from an unknown source under the bus. We assumed it was gasoline and tried in vain to escape from our coffin, but the sliding panel was stuck. Steve finally made it out and came back to report that it was only a blown tire and the liquid was water displaced when we lurched into a ditch. He lent the driver his headlamp (another awesome gift!), and we waited patiently for the tire to be repaired.

A short hour later, we were on the road again. I fell asleep but woke up a little before sunrise to another blast. Same tire. This time, we were lucky enough to sit on the side of the road for over three hours while the driver journeyed to find another tire. Steve slept while I read outside. I looked up at one point to find that I was surrounded in a tight circle of men from the bus. The luggage handler sat next to me, sharpening a screwdriver menacingly on a rock, and said something about money while the others just stared. I nervously smiled, stood up and hustled over to sit next to the only other female, who was busy giving her squirming infant pebbles to gnaw on.

Steve came out later and these same intimidating men excitedly gathered around him to ask questions about how big the Statue of Liberty really is and what movies the Hoover Dam appeared in. So.Not.Fair.

We finally boarded the bus again, only to stop at a restaurant a few kilometers down for the driver to eat. Once he was satisfied, we took off again, only a half dozen hours behind schedule. We journeyed in our broiling cubicle for a solid hour before we heard that too all familiar pop again. We were clearly not the only ones apprehensive about another multi-hour wait because everyone on board grabbed their possessions and ran off to start flagging down passing vehicles.

Steve and I managed to cram on to a passing local bus that was already entirely packed with tired travelers. We found a lovely position in the aisle near a man with a heavily bleeding head wound and a seated man who found great joy in repeatedly jabbing me in the crotch with his elbow. The sturdy-looking tires were enough to make this journey bearable.

A commotion in the front caught my attention, and soon I was beckoned through the mess to a seat that had been cleared for me in the front cabin next to the driver. Normally that seat only holds the ticket collector, but our slender traveling companions had managed to fit eleven adults and three children in this minuscule spot. I was again the only female but this time was pleasantly surprised by how kind my "seat" mates were. They tried very hard to not jostle me more than was necessary. They also amused themselves by laughing at each other trying on my bracelet and rhinestone-studded sunglasses. One child crawled on my lap to nap and was quickly awakened by the slap of his father's hand. I tried to signal that it was fine for him to stay, but the more I attempted to show my intent the harder the father hit the child, so I relented.

The men were very intrigued by my "love marriage" and made lots of jokes to themselves about it. They all had arranged marriages and asked many questions about how you possibly find a spouse without your parents' help. When Steve finally was able to make his way toward me, the lone English speaker shouted "husband handsome! Love marriage!" before collapsing in giggles.

My new friends were very helpful in directly the driver to drop us off far closer to our hotel than our original bus was going to. We parted ways and Steve and I soon basked in cold showers and dinner overlooking the Taj Mahal.

Here's hoping that tomorrow's overnight train goes more smoothly.

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